Random musings of an OHCY

2011-03-18T00:21:00.010+08:00

Unless you've been living under the rock that itself is living under a larger rock on the moon, chances are you've probably heard about the earthquake and nuclear crisis in Japan. Reading the news for the last few days has been heart rending. Never have I felt more strongly about helping out or more helpless to actually doing so.

I doubt that many people still come here, but for those who do, and who wish to help, here's how you can (as taken from another website):

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Mercy Relief: The organisation is accepting donations to procure relief supplies. It has deployed a two-man preliminary disaster response team to Japan to ascertain ground needs and procure relief supplies.

The MR team will help distribute supplies with UN agencies. It will also collaborate with local non-governmental organisations to support their relief efforts. With an initial tranche of USD $20,000 provided by SAP Asia Pacific Japan, the team will help address the pressing needs for food, water and quilts.

For cheque donations, please make the cheque payable to Mercy Relief Limited and send it to the Mercy Relief office at Blk 160 Lorong 1 Toa Payoh #01-1568 Singapore 310160. On the back of the cheque, indicate ‘Japan Quake and Tsunami Relief’’.

Cash donations can also be made at the Mercy Relief office. Office hours are Monday-Friday, 9am - 7pm.

For ATM transfers/internet banking, Mercy Relief’s DBS Current Account is 054-900493-6

Credit card donations can be made via eNets at www.mercyrelief.org

Singapore Red Cross: The organisation has started a hotline (6334-9152 / 6334-9153 / 6334-9154) to help those in Singapore get in touch with relatives in Japan. The SRC will take down details of the missing person and forward the information on to its sister national society, the Japanese Red Cross Society and the International Committee of Red Cross. It is also working with the Japanese Association to raise funds.

For cheque donations, please make the cheque payable to Singapore Red Cross and mail to the SRC office at Red Cross House, 15 Penang Lane Singapore 238486. On the back of the cheque, indicate ‘Japan disaster 2011′.

Cash donations can also be made at the SRC office during office hours.

The public can also SMS “Red Cross” to 75772. Each message will cost $50. The SRC is also working with banks like DBS, OCBC and UOB, to allow donations through ATMs and the Internet.

World Vision Singapore: A World Vision assessment team has arrived in the quake zone to assess the needs of the survivors and prepare supplies and programmes for the homeless. The team brought baby supplies, warm clothing, food and daily necessities for distribution.

World Vision also plans to establish child-friendly spaces so children affected by the disasters can resume normal childhood activities and experience structure and security.

For cheque donations, please make the cheque payable to World Vision International and mail to the World Vision office at 750B Chai Chee Road, #03-02, Technopark @ Chai Chee, Singapore 469002. On the back of the cheque, indicate ‘Japan disaster’.

Cash donations can also be made at the World Vision office. Office hours are Monday-Friday, 9am – 5pm. You can donate online at http://www.worldvision.org.sg/japandisaster/

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If you don't have a credit card or know that you probably won't have time to do any of the above but want to donate nevertheless, just pass me the cash if or when you see me and I'll help you. Don't worry, I pinky promise not to use it to buy a gold plated toilet bowl.

(Update: My laodi just told me he intends to donate the edusave and good improvement award money he earned last year. A grand total of 400 dollars. Here I am making CENSORED-BY-TLL dollars a month and the amount I intended to donate came nowhere close to that. Kudos to you Laodi, you put me to shame. Proud of you.)

Here's hoping then that those suffering from this calamity still find happiness and goodness and joy, no matter what form they might take or how small they might be.

Also, as an after note, I saw a note on facebook by someone named Jun Shiomitsu. He translated some of the posts about the disaster. Some of them were quite moving so I'm sharing them here:

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Japan Quake as Seen from Twitter (Translated by me so quality questionable)
by Jun Shiomitsu on Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 8:13am

At Tokyo Disneyland:
Tokyo Disneyland was handing out its shops’ food and drinks for free to the stranded people nearby. I saw a bunch of snobby looking highschool girls walking away with large portions of it and initially though “What the …” But I later I found out they were taking them to the families with little children at emergency evacuation areas. Very perceptive of them, and a very kind thing to do indeed.

At a congested downtown intersection
Cars were moving at the rate of maybe one every green light, but everyone was letting each other go first with a warm look and a smile. At a complicated intersection, the traffic was at a complete standstill for 5 minutes, but I listened for 10 minutes and didn’t hear a single beep or honk except for an occasional one thanking someone for giving way. It was a terrifying day, but scenes like this warmed me and made me love my country even more.

During the earthquake
We’ve all been trained to immediately open the doors and establish an escape route when there is an earthquake. In the middle of the quake while the building was shaking crazily and things falling everywhere, a man made his way to the entrance and held it open. Honestly, the chandelier could have crashed down any minute … that was a brave man!

Reminded of the goodness of the Japanese people
This earthquake has reminded me of that Japanese goodness that had recently become harder and harder to see. Today I see no crime or looting: I am reminded once again of the good Japanese spirit of helping one another, of propriety, and of gentleness. I had recently begun to regard my modern countrymen as cold people … but this earthquake has revived and given back to all of us the spirit of “kizuna” (bond, trust, sharing, the human connection). I am very touched. I am brought to tears.

Card board boxes, Thank you!
It was cold and I was getting very weary waiting forever for the train to come. Some homeless people saw me, gave me some of their own cardboard boxes and saying “you’ll be warmer if you sit on these!” I have always walked by homeless people pretending I didn’t see them, and yet here they were offering me warmth. Such warm people.

What foreigners are saying about Japanese people
At a supermarket where everything was scattered everywhere over the floors, shoppers were helping pick them up and putting them back neatly on the shelves before quietly moving into line to wait to pay for them. On the totally jam-packed first train after the quake, an elderly man gave up his seat for a pregnant woman. Foreigners have told me they are amazed witnessing sights like these. I do believe they actually saw what they said they saw. Japan is truly amazing.

Touch of art
I saw artists and painters trying to keep things upbeat by painting or drawing beautiful or encouraging drawings for the evacuees around them. I was touched at how everyone was doing their very best to help.

The bakery lady
There was a small bread shop on the street I take to go to school. It has long been out of business. But last night, I saw the old lady of the shop giving people her handmade bread for free. It was a heart-warming sight. She, like everyone else, was doing what she could to help people in a time of need. Tokyo isn’t that bad afterall!

Japan is a wonderful nation!
Both the government and the people, everyone is helping one another today. There are truck drivers helping evacuees move. I even heard that the “yakuza” (gangsters, organized crime groups) are helping to direct traffic in the Tohoku region! There have been many recent developments that have made me lose my sense of pride in my country, but not anymore. Japan is an amazing place! I’m just simply touched. Go Japan!

At the supermarket
I just came back safely from the supermarket! Man, I was so touched at how everyone there was mindful of others, buying only as much as they needed and leaving the rest for the people behind them.

“All of us”
I spoke with an old taxi driver and some elderly staff at the train stations. All of them had been working non-stop and had not been able to go home for a long time. They were visibly very tired, but never once did they show any sign of impatience; they were gentle and very caring. They told me “… because all of us are in this together.” I was touched at what the notion of “all of us” meant to these elderly people. It is a value I will treasure and carry on to my generation.

A strong voice
Yesterday, I was impressed and touched by the actions of my neighbor’s 13-year-old-boy. He was home alone when the earthquake hit. But instead of hiding, as soon as the earthquake quieted down, he jumped on his bicycle and road around the block repeatedly shouting at the top of his voice, “Is everyone alright? Is everyone okay?” At the time, there were only women and children and the elderly in the homes. I cannot describe how comforting it was just to hear a strong voice asking if I was okay. Thank you!

The beauty of helping one another
I went out last night to help some friends who were volunteering as security personnel between Machida City and Sagami Ohno City. I saw total strangers, both young and old, helping each other along everywhere I turned and was heartened with an overwhelming feeling of encouragement. I was so touched I hid behind the toilets and cried.

I just have a bike
I’m so touched! My colleague at my part time job, wanting to help even just one extra person, wrote a sign saying “I just have a bike, but if you don’t mind hop on!”, rode out on his motorbike, picked up a stranded construction worker and took him all the way to Tokorozawa! Respect! I have never felt so strongly that I want to do something helpful for others.

Rest here!
Last night, I decided, rather than stay at the office, I should try walking home. So I slowly made my way west on Koshu freeway on foot. It was around 9PM when I saw an office building that had a sign that said “Please use our office’s bathrooms! Please rest here!” The employees of the office were loudly shouting out the same to all the people trying to walk home. I was so touch I felt like crying. Well, I guess I was too tense yesterday to cry, but now the tension is wearing off and am very much in tears.

On the way to the emergency evacuation area
My oldest daughter was making her way to Yokohama’s emergency evacuation area. Total strangers were helping each other out and showing each other the way to the emergency evacuation area. She told me she was moved at how strangers, who can seem so cold at times, showed her kindness and care. I was reminded at the Japanese peoples’ inherent ability to immediately unite in the face of adversity. Today, I have discovered a newfound faith in my nation and my people.

A big, kind voice
I’ve been walking for many hours now. I’m touched at how everywhere I turn, there are shops open with people shouting “Please use our bathroom!” or “Please rest here!” There were also office buildings where people with access to information were voluntarily shouting out helpful tips, like “**** line is now operational!” Seeing things like this after walking for hours and hours made me feel like weeping with gratitude. Seriously, there is still hope for this country!

On the platform
The Oedo Subway Line for Hikarigaoka is very congested. On the platform and at the gate there are just crowds and crowds of people waiting for the train. But in all the confusion, every last person is neatly lined up waiting his or her turn while managing to keep a passage of space open for staff and people going the other way. Everyone is listening to the instructions from the staff and everyone acts accordingly. And amazingly … there isn’t even a rope or anything in sight to keep people in queue or open space for staff to pass, they just do! I am so impressed at this almost unnatural orderliness! I have nothing but praise for these people!

Station staff
I said to a Tokyometro station staff who was on all-night duty, “I’m sure it has been a tough night for you. Thank you.” He responded with a smile, “On a night like this, gladly!” I was touched.

Coffee
My husband finally got home very late last night after walking for 4 hours. He told me he felt like giving up at around Akabane, when an elderly man who was going around handing out free coffee saw him, gave him a steaming cup and said, “You must be tired and cold. Here, have some coffee!” My husband told me that it was because of this elderly man that he found the will and strength to continue walking. I’ve already heard this story from him five times tonight, so no doubt he was really, really touched! Thank you to my husband’s anonymous helper!

Not enough money!
At the store where I work, a huge group of young men suddenly came in to buy booze. One of them suddenly said, “Oops, I only have enough money to buy booze, I can’t donate! Forget the booze, maybe next time!” and instead put ALL his money into the disaster relief donation box. One by one, every single one of the army of youths threw all their money into the box after him. What a heart-warming sight that was!

Goth youth
A goth youth with white hair and body piercings walked into my store and shoved several hundred dollars (several tens of thousands of yen) into the disaster relief fund donation box. As he walked out, I and people around me heard him saying to his buddies, “I mean, we can buy those games anytime!” At that, we all opened our wallets and put our money into the donation box. Really, you cannot judge people by their appearances.

Same boat!
Last night, Aobadai station was jammed with stranded people unable to get home. But there were private cars with drivers shouting “If you’re going in the direction of ****, please hop on!” I was able to hitch a ride on one of them. When I thanked the driver, he replied “No worries! We’re all on the same boat. We have to stick together!”

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2011-03-13T23:43:00.007+08:00

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, and with both parents in China and my brother at a scouts camp, I had the entire house to myself. Naturally I made a few calls to the Scam bros.

"Hey bros, I have the whole house to myself for the next three days. No adults around... No one to supervise us... Are you dudes thinking what I'm thinking...?"

"Hehehe..."

Five hours later:

Rather than the drug-fuelled, alcoholic rave party we were supposed to hold as respectable youths of our generation, we ended up belting out various Taylor Swift songs while dancing around the room in an accurate, yet probably disturbing imitation of 9 year old girls having a slumber party. The night is pretty much a blur of singing, yelling and ass shaking now, but I'm pretty sure there was crying at one point. And hugging. And a sobbing declaration of "I love you guys man". I won't say who. Ok it was me.

After the testosterone depleting activities of the night, we woke up determined to do something earth-shakingly manly the moment Royce and Waisum arrived - something so studly and savage that in the future legions of Lumberjacks and Sailors would look back at the paragons of Machosculinity (that's right, I just created a word) we became on that day and weep in inferiority.

Having come to this decision, we bumped our fists together, roared our agreement to the heavens, and then stomped into the kitchen to cook a nice, low fat meal.

Yup those are some manly, oyster-sauce wielding studs right there.

Manly, manly studs.

Ever conscious of the camera's eye, Royce catches the opportunity to strike a pose while the rest flail around in blind ignorance.

The power of eye power.

(It is probably worth mentioning that poor Ben got his hand burnt by a splash of hot oil while deep frying the pork. Get well soon Bencakes. )

I suppose some of you cynics are doubting the quality of our cooked food. "Pffft!" you think. "The Scam Boys can't possible be paragons of machosculinity (use it), Taylor Swift belting wannabe Pop Stars AND good/ok/you-probably-won't-need-charcoal-pills cooks! That would be just unfair!"

Tadaa.

Nic's Belachan Fried Rice

Royce's 宫保鸡丁 (gōng bǎo jī dīng)

Ohcy's Scrambled Eggs (oh laugh it up.)

Bencake's Sweet and Sour Pork

The whole meal!

The Scam Boys - Scammers Unrivaled, Chefs Extraordinaire, Horribly Slow Murderers with Extremely Inefficient Weapons

Royce admiring his Heavenly Meal.

Eating together as one big, happy, gender imbalanced family.

After our meal we jumped straight into a rip roaring session of Guitar Hero, strumming and yelling our hearts out to testosterone fueled classics from rock legends like Bon Jovi, Led Zeppelin and AC/DC.

Ok fine we sang Taylor Swift.

2011-03-06T14:33:00.063+08:00

Most of the time, teaching classes is quite a pleasure. I get to share fun facts, interact with children and command the only people who will probably still listen to me around. The marking may be a chore, but I generally look forward to the classes themselves. This was not the case when I was asked to take a Pri 5 science class on Reproduction. You see, drawing on my knowledge of what 11 year old kids are like, this was what I imagined the class would be like:

Me: "Good morning class, I'm Mr. Oh and today I will be teaching you all about Reproduction. Let's all be mature about this."

"..."

Boys: "PENISPENISPENISPENISPE-"

Girls: "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

Me: "Everyone keep quiet!!! Boys! Stop repeating that!!"

*momentary silence*

Boys: "VAGINAVAGINAVAGINAVAGINAVAG-"

Girls: "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

Me: *squats in one corner and cries*

Surprisingly though, while mildly chaotic, the actual lesson had none of the rampant chaos that had haunted my nightmares. There was plenty of eww-ing yes, but in general none of the boys said any of the words I had been expecting them to repeat like a ~~Ben~~ broken tape recorder. After a while I started to realise the only way I was going to hear the word from them was if one of them placed their pen on the floor and told me about it.

I refused to believe it at first though. "They're just putting it off." I thought to myself. "It's coming any second now." I would mutter. And all they would do was quietly listen to me with only a mild eww every now and then.

It was unnerving.

Eventually the tension got so bad I started to unhinge a little. On the surface I maintained the illusion of the dedicated teacher, but in my head I was screaming "JUST SHOUT PENIS ALREADY DAMNIT!" over and over again.

And that was just the lesson. You know how when you mark something (for all you teachers out there) you normally mutter the answers out loud while ticking? For example if someone is marking multiple choice you might find him muttering:

"ABCDCBDACAD-"

*flips to a new worksheet*

"ABCDCBDACAD-"

Likewise for the happy 30 minutes I took to mark their homework the people around me were entertained (or scandalized) by the repeated drone of:

"Penis, Testes, Sperm, Prostrate Gland, Ovaries, Fallopian Tube, Vagina, Oviduct...Penis, Testes-"

Not one of my prouder moments no.

2011-03-01T00:25:00.004+08:00

Hi people.

For those who don't know, I have recently started something I like to call Writing Sunday as part of my mission to get more writing (duh) done. This basically means that I shall take some time each Sunday to write a little piece and upload it here. Whether or not I can sustain this is highly suspect, but wish me luck anyway. This isn't one of my Writing Sunday posts, but someone requested for me to post this so here it is, uploaded as requested.

Till next week, tata!

The Story of the Cake

Prologue:

“Let them eat cake.”
- Marie Antoinette

Once upon a time, there was a Cake.

It was an extraordinarily beautiful cake. A Cake filled with heavenly spongy goodness shaped into a delicately carved cylinder, covered with icing so sweet, so divine, you’d lick it out of a plate, wash the plate and then drink the water used to wash said plate.

This is not the story of that Cake.

This is the story of that other Cake.

You know that tiny little kid at every school playground? You see him getting pushed around by all the bigger kids and spending every recess sitting by himself in a corner because no one wants to play with him. Now I’m not saying this other Cake is like that kid, I’m just implying it.

Let’s get on with the story then.

Chapter 1:

“I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a Cake in it.”
-Lesley Boone

Once upon a time four people decided to bake a Cake. Their names were Shiying, Lisa, Ohcy and Beck. Otherwise collectively known as SLOB. Now the SLOBs hadn’t just decided to bake a Cake for no reason, no, they were baking the Cake for a very special friend. No, not that kind of “special friend”. For convenience sake, let’s call this special friend He. Might be a little sexually confusing but I’m sure ~~she~~ He can deal with it.

And so the SLOBs went to Shiying’s house to bake this Cake, under the guidance of Master Chef Beck (a.k.a Bake Yong-Joon) and Lisa’s Cake Cookbook. The quest had not long begun however when crisis struck, for Chef Beck and the Lisa’s Cookbook would not agree on the correct recipe! The Cookbook called for Butter, But Beck Bet that Butter was not Better for the Baking Batter and insisted on a Butter-less Batter. (say that ten times real quick) Chef Beck stubbornly argued his case, but the Cookbook remained impassive to all of his passionate arguments, refusing to respond to any of Chef Beck’s tirades or change its recipe.

Eventually, the SLOBs voted to follow the recipes of Chef Beck, and ignore those of the Cookbook. The Cookbook refused to comment on their apparent mutiny and merely sulked in silence. You might think, dear reader, that with the Crisis of the Recipe settled, there should be no more obstacles to the SLOB’s Cake baking quest. Alas as all who have watched 大長今 know, trials and tribulations are but an hourly occurrence for the Korean Chef. Rusty whisks, eggs dripping on his sock, nonexistent baking materials - Chef Beck and his motley crew conquered all of these calamities, and more. No baking tin? Use an old pot! No baking paper? Use margarine! Sock covered in egg yolk? Wash it and-

Wait, that part comes later.

Chef Beck decreed that we should separate the egg yolks and the egg whites, and then promptly demonstrated the wrong way of doing it (thereby dripping egg on his sock) so that we would not repeat the same mistakes. We bow in awe of Chef Beck’s wisdom. Distracted by the resulting bowl of unseparated egg yolks and egg whites, Ohcy proceeded to celebrate their loving commitment to each other by roasting them together in a fiery inferno.

Their morale greatly boosted by the scrambled eggs, the SLOBs proceeded to whip out their forks and whisks and take a master class from Chef Becks titled “How to Beat the Shit out of Eggs and Flour”*. Sadly due to a miscalculation from Ohcy’s iPhone units converter app (my bad) they ended up using three times as much flour as they were supposed to. The resulting mixture looked less like something they had beaten the crap out of than the crap that might have beaten out of something. And so they condemned it to the dustbin.**

*Rule #1 – You can’t have your Cake and not beat it.

**Ohcy however once again decided it would be a waste of materials to just dump it and thus added more eggs, milk, butter, margarine, water, sugar, spice and everything nice into the mixture and tried to make muffins with it. The resulting baked concoction was hard as a rock on the outside, mushy on the inside and tasted purely of egg. We called them “Eggs in a Cup”.

With the first attempt now deemed a failure, the SLOBs started on their second Cake, which, under their combined efforts, actually made it past the preparation phase into the baking phase.

Chapter 2:

“Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate Cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.”
- Audrey Hepburn

It was only until the Fellowship of the Cake had decreed that the Cake was ready to undergo it’s metamorphosis into a beautiful ~~butter~~fly, that it was realized that the Oven of Doom had yet to be preheated.

“No!!” moaned Chef Frodo Beck-ins. “How art we to bake the Cake, if the oven is not heated yet? The bubbles will be lost if we wait too many moons! The bubbles!!!”

“Oh no!” cried Legolisa.

“Heavens forbid!” shouted Shiyimli.

“Chillax lar. Just throw it in. ~~She~~ He won’t mind.” drawled Saruyang.

And so they rushed to preheat the oven, but upon touching the shiny metal contraption they were thrown back by a bolt of lightning. Well, if a bolt of lightning felt like a buzz shock and made you go “Ow”. Yes, the baking gods weren’t satisfied with the mockery of baking we were performing, and were showing their displeasure by turning the oven into a giant version of a prank hand buzzer.

Eventually, Chef Becks decided that, heated oven or not, he could not afford to let any more bubbles escape from the Cake, and thus opened the door with a mighty yell of defiance to the baking gods (“Ow”) and threw the Cake in.

With the Cake (and the so-called-muffins) baking in the oven, the SLOBs had a while to relax and enjoy the amazing vista of Shiying’s kitchen wall. Lisa, Shiying and Ohcy occupied themselves with a rousing game of Wheel-of-Fortune on Ohcy’s iPhone, while Chef Beck stared into the depths of the oven and bitterly moaned every few seconds that the Cake wasn’t rising evenly but was sagging at some places. There’s a joke in here somewhere.

Soon enough, Chef Beck decided that it was time to extricate the One Cake from the Fiery Depths of Oven Doom. With another cry of defiance he opened the Electrical Deathtrap and retrieved the Cake (and the so-called-muffins). It was done. The quest was ended, the task was finished, the Cake was baked. And so Chef Beck cut around the sides of the Cake and proceeded to pull it out of the pot.

Except he could not.

What followed next was an orgy of smashing, whacking, pounding, slicing and crying that no man should have to witness. And the Cake still clung to the bottom of the pot like it had been welded to it. Eventually, Ohcy shoved a spatula down the sides and under the Cake, forcefully carving it out.

“The Cake is free! The Cake is free! Freedom for all!” they cried, as they danced a victory dance. Overcome with elation, Chef Beck ran to wash his sock, for as all know you can’t celebrate properly with an egg covered sock. Upon returning with his soggy (but clean) sock, Chef Beck proceeded to dry his sock in a highly efficient manner, by which I mean he threw it into the oven.

Withdrawing his sizzling sock (that almost sounds edible) at Shiying’s cry of horror, Chef Beck threw it back into his bag and went back to complete the Cake. Eyes tearing with joy as he gazed at their wondrous creation, he started to cut the Cake in half to add a middle layer of strawberries to it. At this critical juncture though, stress overcome him and he had to appoint Lisa as the official Cake cutter. A few minutes later, she split open the Cake with a final cut, and Chef Beck spread a strawberry mix over it.

Or he would have, had the Cake been fully cooked.

And so they gazed at the half cooked insides of the Cake, and wept.

Chapter 3:

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the Cake.”
- Bob Hope

It was the lack of a Cake tin, Chef Beck decided. The sides of the pot were too thick, thus the Cake would not heat up quick enough. And so they sojourned to the House of Oh, where it was said the mythical Cake tin might be found. Mounting a Super Big Steed named 157, they raced to the Legendary Hill of Braddell and made the terrifying climb to the top.

Upon reaching Ohcy’s kitchen, they immediately began on the third Cake, beating the eggs, whisking the mix and cooking the strawberries with the calm efficiency and telepathy of a team that has stared death and half-cooked Cake in the face. Within a mere 50 minutes they had the Cake fully baked and the strawberry mix safely cooling in the freezer.

Though SLOB’s epic quest had yet to be fully completed, the Cake had been Baked and the quest was almost done. It was not a Perfect Cake. It may not even have been a Good Cake, but it was a Cake nonetheless. But alas, Just a Cake was not acceptable to Chef Beck and he sunk into a deep depression.

“I have no part in this cake! No part! You better not tell He that I helped to make it! (oops)” he moaned, before staring vacantly at the less than Perfect Cake.

It seemed for a moment that he was about to suggest baking a new cake, but the rest of the Fellowship of decided that their quest was done. Their bones were weary, their souls were scarred and they had come far enough. Plus you know, dinner was calling. And so the Fellowship left the Cake to Ohcy, for the cutting of the cake and the spreading of the strawberry mix.

With a final farewell to each other, these noble compatriots parted at last, each knowing that though their Quest had (kind of) ended, their bonds of Fellowship never would.

Thus ends, the Story of the Cake.

Or is it?

Epilogue:

“You threw your SOCK, in my OVEN? I don’t want sock-flavored pastries!!”

- Shiying

Ohcy:

“The SLOBs have left, and I am all that remains in the kitchen. Carefully, I cut the sides of the cake and pry it out of the cake tin. Moving the cake tin to one side, I slice the cake in half with a quick swipe of my ~~butter knife~~ katana, and place the bottom half of the cake back in the cake tin so that I can spread the strawberry mix over it.”

Ohcy’s maid:

“Aiyar, that does not even look like a cake. I thought cake supposed to be round one. Luckily they never make big mess in the kitchen. Oh, he removing the cake from the cake tin, I can finally wash it. Hmm, I better fill it with water first and let it soak. La la la. Hahaha, that idiot wielding his butter knife like it’s a samurai sword. He think he Ken Watanabe is it. So many dishes tonight sia. Eh? Why he putting the cake back in the cake tin? I just filled it with wate-”

The End

2011-02-25T23:28:00.001+08:00

For the past few days I have been playing Scramble CE on my phone so much, that when I tried to call my mum on the phone last night, I physically couldn't for a moment because the digits weren't connected on the number grid.

When I close my eyes now I see not darkness but D-E-A-R, E-A-R, R-A-D, D-A-R-E, A-R-E, R-E-A-D morphing into and out of each other. I can no longer look at a game of tic tac toe without muttering to myself that XXX and OOO are not words and therefore should not be linked.

Someone save me.

save ave aves vase sae sea vas.

2011-02-20T22:18:00.005+08:00

Hello friends. Or rather hello to the three or so obsessive stalkers still left checking this space after a 6 month long posting vacation, congratulations! You are the ultimate survivor. I’m currently typing this post a gazillion miles or so above the ground in an SIA plane. Yes, you saw that correctly, an SIA plane. A plane where dreams come true and rays of hope beam around so much you expect to look left and see a bloody care bear in the next seat. A plane where the in-flight shows don’t consist of just old hong kong serial reruns and The Dark Knight, and you can actually play Pokemon Silver version for entertainment instead of repeatedly jumping a dumpy little Italian plumber onto a mushroom, who probably never did anything till then but lead a peaceful fungusy existence. Of course with all my anticipation towards enjoying an SIA flight for the first time in a decade or so, it was only natural that the entertainment system died on me around 3 min into a rather rousing episode of ~~Ben 10~~ Advance Philosophy 101. So here I am with my laptop whipped upon, typing a blogpost at the start of a vacation instead of at the end of it. (Though I’ll have to admit it’s fun looking at a screen 6 times the size of everyone else’s.)

In other news, I have recently ORDed, thus leaving me free to pursue meaningless pursuits like juggling, cooking eggs, juggling eggs and egging my brother on to try juggling eggs. For anyone learning to cook scrambled eggs, I recommend using soya bean milk instead of regular milk for a less milky taste, and using the Martha Stewart method. For guys trying this, do not be surprised if you feel a sudden urge to beat the eggs by smashing them against concrete with your forehead – that’s just your body trying to restore its natural level of manhood. Kidding. Guys who can cook are sexy, everyone knows that.

Chief among the happenings of the past year though, has been the Scam Club overseas Trip to Taiwan – or as it is more affectionately known –

Scam Club goes to Taiwan!

Day 1:

We all gathered happily at the airport, eager to depart for our overseas ~~taimei~~ Taiwan adventure. After taking the requisite group shop we bounded onto the airplane where for the first time in my life I got the fabled window seat. Naturally I annoyed everyone trying to sleep by opening the window fully and gazing at the cotton candy clouds wafting below the plane. It was like I had stepped into Care Bear land. Not that I would actually know about Care Bear land and their magical rainbow bridge which got destroyed in The Care Bear Movie (1985) in one of the saddest scenes in cinematic history, but you know, I’m just guessing. Halfway through the plane ride the three girls started a game of “Poke my nose” where apparently one scored points by poking someone else’s nose. That’s all there is to the game. Seriously. So for half the plane ride (and sadly the rest of the trip), we all looked like a bunch of severely short sighted individuals trying to dig each other’s nose. Way to be national ambassadors.

The new faces of Singapore.

And the new face for the CDC. Wash your hands children.

Soon enough we arrived at the airport where we queued to book a bus to take us to Taizhong. Just as we were about to start queuing at the main counter though, we got enticed by a man manning a counter in the middle of nowhere promising us a bus ride with massage chairs, wide seats and a screen. Seeing as all the other tour bus counters were stacked nicely together with shiny metal railings and fancy signboards, while this one was nothing more than a wooden table situated right next to the toilet, it seemed more likely that we’d end up bound, gagged and dumped along the highway with both kidneys missing then make it to Taizhong if we took his offer.

But you know. Massage Chairs.

"Hmmm. That's a tough one."

An hour later we were vibrating happily in our massage chairs while playing Mario Karts on a modified Playstation controller, content that while we were in all likelihood shortly about to begin our existences as multiple organ donors, we had made the right choice.

Yup, those are some fine livers right there.

Happily though, nothing untoward happened and we arrived at our destination safe and sound. It was quite a fun bus ride actually; we sang songs, looked at the window and engaged in a rousing game of hearts. Royce Yap even had time during the trip to engage in quiet and reflective sketching of our posse.

Always knew you had it in you.

Guess who's who! Or try!

A triumphant run across the busy streets of Taizhong later, and we had reached our destination – The Taizhong Natural Museum of Natural Science where for the first time ever, I was going to see DINOSAUR BONES. To put it mildly, I was bleeding horse crap excited. Fellow scam club members will remember that when we first got together to plan the outing, I immediately gently raised the suggestion that we visit a natural science museum in the following manner:

Royce: “So do you all have any suggestions on where to go?”

Ohcy: “Why not visit a Natural Science Museum with a Dinosaur bone exhibition? I do believe that it would be rather quaint basking in the aura of history surrounding the fossilized bones of a Chungkingosaurus Jiangbeiensis* or an Erectopus* pardon my Latin.”

True story.

Ok fine it went like this:

Royce: “So do you all have any suggestions on where to go?”

Ohcy: “DINOSAURBONESDINOSAURBONESDINOSAURBONESDINOSAURBONESDINOSAU…“

*These are real dinosaur names. Seriously.

To my great horror though, upon finally entering the Fossils section of the Museum, I was confronted not with great hulking remnants of the terrible lizards, but great hulking plastic remnants of the terrible lizards. Sure there were a few small real fossils of inconsequential creatures that probably our direct ancestors, but all the huge fossils were sculpted imitations. Not that I realised this immediately of course. I spent a rather sad 15 min gazing with awe at the “footprint” of an ancient dinosaur before it struck me that rock usually isn’t this shiny and plasticy and any ditch water in that footprint would have probably evaporated sometime in the last 65 million years.

Sigh.

After that we fooled around the Museum making jokes of ourselves. I would go into further detail but I think the photos speak for themselves:

Oh my sleeping child.

The modern happy family.

That's the pinnacle of evolution right there.

The absolute pinnacle

First of many mirror shots.

All hail the monkey god.

A foreshadowing of events on the morning of Day 5.

Soon after that, we hurried to catch a cool show on space in some cool circular dome like screen with a cool projector that projected multiple pin prick lights to represent stars. I use cool way too much. Once again though I was faced with a replica of one of my biggest dreams (seeing a night sky with thousands of stars), but seeing as I hadn’t expected to even get that much I was still rather excited by the whole starry bonanza.

By the end of the show it was 6pm or so, and we were faced with the prospect of either taking a bus or walking back to our hotel. Seeing as we had a map to refer to, I voted that we be adventurous and do the latter to the agreement of the others. So I stared at the map for a minute or two, pretended I knew exactly which roads we were supposed to walk down and just winged it based on my compass. One and a half hours later we were starting to regret that decision as we passed by road after junction after trafficaccidentwaitingtohappen, with no hotel in sight.

Tempers weren’t improved when we arrived at a traffic crossing only to be accosted by a speaker that went something like this:

“Shing shang fong ching chong chang GUAI LAI LAI! GUAI LAI LAI! GUAI LAI LAI! fong shong ding dang bing bing ching GUAIII LAII LAII! GUAI LAII LAII! GUAI LAAI LAAII! shing shang … ….”

*silence*

“Pheww. Finall-”

“GUAI LAI LAI!!! GUAI LAI LAI!!!!!!”

“$%#@#@$!!!!!”

Didn’t help that the traffic light seemed to have suffered a terminal stroke. And so we stood for minutes at that road crossing waiting for the light to turn green, as our sanities slowly got guailailaied into oblivion.

Eventually though, against all odds, we made it to the hotel and collapsed outside it in relief. It was a close one though – one wrong turn and we might have spent the rest of our lives wandering the dark alleyways of Taizhong living off the money we made selling Royce Yap away to a drug cartel. After sneaking up to the hotel room, presumably with the Mission Impossible music playing in all of our heads, we cam whored for a while before going down and boarding a cab where we cam whored some more. Yes we are a slutty, slutty group of cam geishas.

Just look at us.

After arriving at the night market, we proceeded to gorge ourselves on food and snacks and lots and lots of bubble tea. I shall take a moment here to state that as I took that first sip of Taiwan Bubble Tea, the experience was, for lack of a better word, Jizztastic. I was in Ecsteasy. I had a Pearlgasm. And I should probably stop.

This made it all that much sadder though when Runty sadistically split my third cup of bubble tea for the night with a round house kick, just as we were settling down for some tau huay. Holding back tears, I dashed to the nearest drain and slurped up as much of the milky goodness as I could before it dripped down into the sewers forever.

I wasn't kidding.

The smile is only on the outside. Inside I’m weeping like a bitter 7 year old kid whose favourite Donatello toy got thrown out the window by his older brother. (Yes I’m talking about you.)

Sometime during the night we also took the opportunity to being the inaugural Scam Club Heart Drawing contest, because we firmly believe that if you can’t draw a cute heart you’re probably a bitter, lonely person living with a hundred musty smelling cats. Or just a typical guy.

Someone clearly has a black heart.

A few more drawings, random bites, camwhoresy moments and one more taxi ride later, we were all snug in our rooms, ready to settle down for the night

Thus ends the first day of this account.

Moar Photos!

Engaging in a night rave in a taxi club. You know those taxi clubs and their wild crazy teens.

Being stoned after our night rave. Nonexistent alcohol and upperwaist dancing does that to you. A few people clearly have too much energy though.

Sausage party. Literally.

No idea what nic's doing in this shot.

Yum Yum! Or some other random caption cos I can't think of what else to say here.

I'm regressing into my Takopachi state.

He's just begging someone to lick that off.

No comment.

Entertaining ourselves outside the magical bubble tea shop.

Crossing the line from self entertainment to bizarre sadomasochism.

We are indeed a merry band or artists.

"I see you driving round town with the girl I love, and I'm like..."

Royce Yap, International Man of Mystery.

I have no idea why we were stoning outside the room. Someone remind me please.

Day 2: (TO BE CONTINUED)

Does anyone even still come here?

2010-05-30T01:43:00.020+08:00

(Lol, I wrote this post three months ago but just never posted it. Found it while clearing my blog archives and decided I might as well upload it now. For all the people who only visit this site once every 3 months, pretend this message doesn't exist.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello one and all. As a safeguard against my debilitating memory, I have decided to do a quarterly log of anything especially memorable that might have happened over those 3 months. One might argue I suppose, that it's the most memorable events that least need safeguarding against memory loss, but I assure you from my recollections from kindergarden that that only applies to the memories in which you make a total ass of yourself. Like a certain chinese new year fashion faux pas that I hope not too many of you know about.

Anyway, speaking of chinese new year, I guess that's a good place to start. This year's CNY was a rather refreshing experience, seeing as I spent half of it in camp. Spent a rather sad night in camp while the rest of my family enjoyed their reunion dinner, one apparently so divinely sumptuous that my brother couldn't help but wax eloquent about it in an unnecessarily loud voice over the next few days. Didn't help that hy shamelessly showed me a picture of the most beautiful pig I've ever seen in my life. Well, most beautiful roasted pig carcass to be precise. Luckily enough, I managed to get out for the first day of CNY visiting.

14 MAR 10 - CNY DAY1

The first day of CNY was pretty much standard routine. Just the usual whirlwind of visiting, ang pows and chatting with my younger cousins, one of who took a rather sadistic delight in announcing repeatedly that I look like a 15 year old boy. Ge should empathise with this. Rather frustratingly I have to concede that my cousin is only one out of the many people who have made similar comments. Deluded fools, all of them. I'm not young or boyish! I'm just well preserved. Or something.

But that wasn't the end of the mocking. You would think that as someone standing at the precipice of adulthood, I was treated with a modicum of awe and respect by my younger relatives during CNY, but no, the world doesn't work that way. As my relatives had just finished their traditional bout of mahjong, I ursurped their table to, well, play around with the mahjong tiles. Any fool walking pass should have noticed my steady hands and keen look of concentration, and applauded the dignified manner in which I arranged the tiles on the table into smiley faces. But no, just as I was putting the finishing touches on smiley face number three " : D ", this young whippersnapper, who couldn't have been more than 7 years old, walked past me, stopped, turned his head to me slowly and said the following with more derision than I have ever heard since the last time I tried to tell px a lame joke.

"A Dot. Dot. Dot."

And then with his piece said, he nonchalantly turned his head back, stepped over the shattered pieces of my pride, and walked back to his mother.

(In my defence, I was playing with the tiles to amuse one of my baby cousins. Though of course looking back now I suppose the baby's delighted squeals of laughter were merely cruel, mocking snorts of derision. Children grow up too fast these days.)

Oh, and I met my art junior Justin while visiting. It really is a small world.

15 MAR 10 - CNY DAY 2

I stoically contributed to the defence of our precious homeland.

16 MAR 10 - CNY DAY 3

Got out of camp early in the morning and rushed home to bath so I could meet royce, soph and gang to go adventist. Alas fatigue overtook me and I accidentally fell asleep after tucking myself deep into bed. Ok fine, maybe not accidentally. In any case, I woke up a few hours later feeling less in danger of walking into a wall, and trooped off to find royce and soph for lunch and a day of fun.

We met at some Japanese sushi restaurant near Novena and were delighted to learn from their menu that they offered a lunch time sushi buffet. Being cautious people, me and royce proceeded to question the pretty receptionist girl on the lunchtime buffet.

RY: "Does the buffet include everything in the menu?"

PRG: "Yes sir, except the red plates and the items from the special order section"

Me: "Including free flow drinks?"

PRG: "No sir, drinks still have to be ordered."

RY: "How long is the buffet valid till?"

PRG: "It's valid from 2 to 3 pm, so you have to start ordering within that timing."

This continued for quite some time as we continued to bombard her with question after question. Sophia on the other hand merely stood by the side tapping her leg impatiently. Eventually, faced with both a dearth of questions and what sounded like a tap dance concert emanating from sophia's right foot, we decided to just stroll in and enjoy our buffet. At which point of course, the pretty receptionist girl finally finds it appropriate to say-

PRG: "Oh, but there is no sushi buffet today. Because it's a public holiday."

You would think that such statement should have been mentioned at the very beginning. After some discussion though, we (sans sophia) concurred that the girl simply just wanted to chat with us two debonair young men. Yes, self delusion does make the world a happier place. Ignoring a very pointed glare from sophia, we walked in anyway after deciding we didn't want to waste any more time finding a new eating spot.

After lunch, we walked to United Square to buy games for RY's wii, more specifically "Raving Rabbits", but couldn't find the game in any of the shops there. Friend sophia's eyelids had drooped the moment we trooped into the first video game shop, thus we decided to spare her further agony and cab* to my fav game shop at AMK hub where I was sure we would find the game. True enough, both royce and me walked out of that game shop with our hands full - royce gleefully hugging his two new "Raving Rabbit" games and wii controllers while I dragged sophia's snoring carcass out of the store.

*Of note - the cab we took had a bumper sticker that said "CatchCheatingSpouses.com". Interesting side job. Though I guess taxi drivers make excellent private eyes. Skips the whole running into a cab and shouting "follow that car!" bit I guess.

Cabbed to royce's house after that to begin our Raving Rabbit extravaganza. Nothing much to note here, except that spending copious amounts of time playing 02jam does come in useful now and then, especially if you consider winning a round of a game called "Raving Rabbit"s one of the highlights if your week. Sad, but true. Oh, and sophia became a Goober halfway through the game. You'd have to play it to understand.

Following this I tried my hand at another one of royce's wii games - "No More Heroes 2", which was considerably more memorable. Game play basically involved controlling an assassin and making him run around splitting people into pieces with a beam sword as copious amounts of blood spurted out of them. Oh, and he has a hot chick as his mentor or something. Wanton violence, hot chicks and laser swords - what every hot blooded male wants in a video game. And in everything else too I suppose. Sophia on the other hand, looked like she was about to disown me for playing the game and royce for owning it. Eager to defend his game, royce snatched the controller from me. "Wait wait let met show you something!" he said, as he proceeded to make the game character pin down an enemy using grappling moves.

RY: "See! I'm a peace loving man. Not violent at all."

At which point the character proceeded to frenziedly stab his beam sword into the enemy till it exploded in an orgy of blood and pixelated guts.

" ......."

Me: "Right."

Soph: "Nice one Mr. Gupta."

Soon enough though, royce had to leave for his army outing, so me and sophia decided to go to the nearby East Coast Park to cycle/blade. Royce's mum gave us a lift there, and we scurried down to the rental shop to rent our stuff. Sadly enough after blading for only 10 mins my knee and ankles started to ache a little. Another 10 mins later and they were formally registering a protest with my brain, so I decided to swap my skates for a bicycle. Sigh, I'm turning into an old man. An old man who gets mocked by 7 year old kids at any rate. Clearly my 15-year-old-boy looks are only skin deep.

Despite much pleading, the guy at the rental shop refused to swap my blades for a bike, and insisted that I do a separate rental even though I offered to pay the full higher price of the skate rentals for the bicycle. Or at least he refused to swap them for me. He immediately acquiesced the moment sophia asked him, the lecherous pervert. Sophia of course seemed delighted with her successful use of sex appeal.

*smiles and poses like geisha*

"See, being a 美女 (beautiful girl) makes all the difference. Hee."

Now that we were both equipped with bicycles, we proceeded to leisurely cycle along the coast, singing songs and chatting along the way. After cycling for around 15 minutes, it occurred to me just how much I must have annoyed the bike rental uncle by asking to swap my skates for a bike. By the look and feel of it, he had saddled me with a bicycle that had probably taken the Japanese through the jungles of Malaya during World War 2. The pedals were difficult to push and occasionally the gears would give way completely, leaving me completely unable to accelerate. This wasn't so bad when the bike was still moving - either I managed to fiddle with the gears till they worked properly again or I slowed to a natural stop. It was when it happened while I was trying to take off from standstill that it really pissed me off. Numerous folks walking along East Coast that night were treated to the sight of an idiot huffing and puffing on his bike and peddling furiously while he, and his completely stationary bike, slowly toppled over. It was like riding on an exercise bike, except exercise bikes don't usually hurl you to the ground after 5 seconds of peddling. Oh well, at least it gave me extra exercise.

Soon, and painfully, enough, we reached the epic spot where 2 years ago a certain friend of ours fell and ripped a hole in his pants while roller blading. We stoically stood there for a moment, holding a minute of silence for all the poor souls who saw a side of him they probably never wished to see, before continuing on our journey westwards.

By the time we had cycled to one end of ECP and back, royce had finished his army outing and had come back to rejoin us. Passing by a rather scenic spot by the beach, we decided to stop and cam whore there for a while. After setting up my tripod and camera, I was all ready to start the self timer on my camera when I saw royce squatting at one side fiddling with his ipod and speakers.

Me: "Kha kin (hurry up) lar! The sun is about to set liao!!"

RY: "Wait wait, let me play a fitting emo song on my ipod first. Hmm..."

Me: "Who bloody cares what song is playing! No one's going to hear it when they look at the picture?!"

*ignores me and continues fiddling with his ipod*

I can't remember exactly what it was but he must have found an appropriate song soon after because we managed to take quite a few shots before it got too dark.

Here's one of the pictures:

Here's another:

After taking the photos though, we sat down by the beach and chilled for a short while. Sophia complained bitterly about her butt feeling full of sand, but neither royce nor I was tempted to go and help her brush it off. Nice try soph. Soon enough though, it got dark and royce had to go back home for dinner, leaving me and sophia to continue on our cycling adventure. Remember chatting about a lot of random things, though I can only remember a few of them now. Most memorable of these would be our conversation on the "evil dark thoughts" we've both had. I offered up one of my considerably more contemptible contemplations, fully expecting her to be outraged by it. Instead, what I got was this-

"Yeah yeah. Please, like that's really one of your darker thoughts. I bet you have ones a lot worse lor.."

".... Yeah yeah. I think about raping every girl I see."

"Yeah right."

"...You asked me for a dark thought what."

"Huh????!! Really?? You really think that?? Oh my god..."

"What! How can you even ask that. Obviously not ri-"

"You think about raping every guy you see??"

"-ight. Wait. Guy??? GUY!?!?????"

I can assure you now that as a straight guy, if there is one thing more discouraging than having someone believe you want to rape every girl you see, it's having someone believe you want to rape every guy you see. Bad enough that she could even believe for a second that I thought the former. But every guy?? Come on ah soh, that's just a cheap shot.

The hours flew by as we chatted about life, love and my apparent moral depravity and soon it was time for us to return our bikes. As we entered a long downhill stretch, I decided to give my aching knees a stretch and stood up on the bike pedals. Sensing a prime opportunity, the winds of misfortune blew and I slipped off the pedals, landing straight on the frame of the bike where it Really Hurts. Instead of stopping though, the bike continued shooting downhill, as the pain drove all thoughts of using the brakes from my mind. I instinctively attempted using my feet to stop the bike but that just cui-ed my ankles even more than they already were and I immediately stopped. Because I'm bored and too sleepy to be embarrassed about it, here's a free illustration:

So if any of you readers out there had been strolling along East Coast Park that night and were wondering just what on earth the screaming apparition that went shooting past you was, wonder no more - it was me. After a long and tortuous ride, the bike finally slowed down to a stop in some bushes, and I hobbled off it and collapsed in agony onto a patch of grass. Sophia as usual was entirely unsympathetic.

"Hahahahaha. Now I know why guys prefer to roller blade."

After my lower regions had recovered (may I never have to say that again) we continued on our way, stopping by Bedok Jetty to take pictures. Relishing the opportunity to play with my tripod, I entertained myself by forcing sophia to take random "ghost shots" that basically involved us running away like idiots after the flash.

Ghost shot:

Less retarded shot:

Time and bike rental surcharge fees wait for no man though, and we rushed off from the jetty when we realised we only had 20 min left to reach the rental shop. We raced along the coast, littering the air with chatter, songs and occasional swearing as my bike gave way again. Finally we reached the bike rental shop and returned sophia's bike and my deathcycle. Went on to Burger King for a hearty meal before sending soph to Eunos MRT. Along the way I took out my camera so we could look at prom night photos, and had fun commenting on everyone's outfits for the one night I actually felt dressed up enough to do so. Parted ways with soph at MRT and journeyed to city hall where I took a brief detour to say hi to jo and friends, a.k.a The Phoenix Gang. Hung around them for a while and found out from an iphone app that I would make a horrible survivor if the world were to end tomorrow. Sigh, so much for 10 years of scouting.

Alas all good days have to come to an end, and I parted ways with them before taking a very convoluted route home that involved going from marina square to esplanade to dhoby ghaut to serangoon mrt to marymount mrt to braddell mrt before finally surmounting Mount Braddell. As for why I took such a confusing route, that's a long story for another day.

17 MAR 10 - CNY DAY4

I stoically contributed to the defence of our precious homeland. Again.

Ok that's all folks. Can't wait for our epic 3 day scam club chalet on the 19th. Scam clubbers, see you then!

Tata.

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And that was the end of the post. As for an update of the three months after that, or even the scam club chalet, maybe I'll do that in June. I must say though that life has been rather exciting these last few weeks, though not exactly in a good way. Well, exciting at parts anyway, most of it has been rather prosaic. The sad thing about having a lot of weekdays off but weekends in is that no one is free on a weekday. The guys are all in army and the girls are all studying in uni, so I normally either bum around at home or go to the art room and try to be a helpful gnome. By now I'm probably seen by my art juniors as the no life senior who comes back way too often.

Oh well, I'm sleepy. Off to bed.

For the second time, tata.

2010-01-24T15:27:00.038+08:00

Hello people, I've returned from my blogging hiatus once again. To all my batch mates out there, it has come to my attention that Arr Jay See has recently decided to enforce its rules and regulations a wee more strictly. Teachers take attendance at every lecture for everyone, cycling and blading are now banned in school, not handing in assignments is a white slip offence and food can no longer be consumed in class. It occurs to me now that if they had been secretly enforcing these rules during my time in school, I would probably have garnered enough white slips to build a live-sized paper mache replica of Barney the Dinosaur. Not that I would want to. Not really anyway. At least I rarely ate in class though. Might have had a few meals in canteen during the class itself, but seldom in it. I'm such a good boy I know. Anyway I don't think you can really begrudge the school for enforcing its rules, though I think it takes away some of the fun and freedom that made JC different from secondary school. The fact that I was surrounded by scoundrels left and right who would happily skips Math H3 lecture to play 02jam at my house or pon math lecture for a nap in the art room was one of the things I loved about JC. Oh well.

In other news, me and Ge made our second attempt at finding the mythical PSS last saturday. For those who are unaware of the first attempt and why we made it, you can read this.

iamohcy.blogspot.com hereby presents:

There and back, and there and back, and there again, by ohcy

It all started the week before. We had decided to have a grand day out, and to go on a Quest. We just didn't know what the Quest was going to be. And despite much intense discussion - mainly consisting of multiple cycles of "I want to go to Body Worlds! Buh! Dee! Worlds! Buh! Dee! Worlds!!!" and "And I've told you I’ve already been to Body Worlds you bloody twit." - we couldn't decide what to do and thus arranged to just meet first and decide. And so on the day itself I trudged down Mount Braddell and took bus 157 to the Phad Thai market. Upon reaching the market and meeting her however, we both decided we didn't have much of an appetite and thus decided to just skip lunch and head off straight to our destination. And so with a packet of Sugar Cane juice in our hands and our heads held high, we trudged off on our journey, realising somewhere between a stretch of pavement and a decaying patch of grass that we had no idea where exactly we were trudging off too.

I had been all for splattering zombies in some left4deading fun while she continued to fervently campaign for Body Worlds. Eventually though, we decided that it was too sunny a day to be viewing human innards and shambling corpses, both in real life and on a computer screen, and we decided to go rollerblading at Bishan Park. I flipped upon my street directory to take a look at the park and lo and behold! PSS was right next to it. Clearly destiny was shouting to us, in really small font on a 2 by 6 grid, “Go to PSS! Go to PSS!” And so it was that our second PSS journey began in pretty much the same way the first did, going from Bishan to A Far Off Place and then back again. Though of course this time I took advantage of our stronger friendship (and her weaker arm muscles) and grumbled a whole lot more.

We found the roller blading shop without much trouble and proceeded to rent a pair of skates. We were both penniless then so I had to pay for the rental with my magic cards. Yes, I am card captor chin yang. Having expected to explore the more ulu areas of Singapore, I had brought along my tripod for picture taking. Ge on the other hand, was supposed to bring the camera.

"Eh ge, I told you to bring a camera right? Where is it?"

"Errr... hehe. Woops."

"Hah! I knew this would happen. I knew you’d forget. I knew it. Luckily I brought along my..."

“…”

"Errr... hehe, Woops."

"So we have a tripod, but no camera?"

"Yep, pretty much."

"Great. Just checking."

After putting on our safety gear (safety first kids!) we set off for PSS with all the speed of an intoxicated beached whale at a Zouk Out party. What a Zouk Out party has to do with the speed of a whale I do not know, but it just seems to me that if you were to look for an intoxicated beached whale that'd be where you find it. I've gone off tangent I know. I do that. The first few minutes of our little road trip mainly consisted of ge slowly making her way past various staggering obstacles - humps, cracks in ground, an army of ants crossing the road - while I circled around her trying to teach her how to brake. You would think that someone who didn't know how to brake wouldn't really have that much trouble trying to move forward. Oh well, that's life.

After a few minutes though, she basically got the hang of it and we were speeding along gracefully for all of 10 metres before running into a corrugated fence. Literally. Well, I stopped some distance before it, but my brakeless friend quite amusingly charged into it with a beautiful clang. Ge, if you're reading this crashing into walls is really quite a bad habit. You need to learn how to stop. Though on the other hand it’s a way to leave a mark I guess. Who knows, in a hundred thousand years time that Ge-sized imprint in the fence may be all that’s left of humanity. So go ge go! Smash into more corrugated fences. All of civilisation is counting on you.

Apparently a large part of Bishan Park had been closed off for construction works or something like that, explaining the corrugated fencing blocking our path, if not the human sized dent in it. So we circled around for a while looking for another way out before grudgingly stomping across a field of grass to the nearby pavement. Crossing a large patch of muddy grass while wearing roller blades isn’t exactly the most enjoyable activity in the world I know, but at that point it was either that, or ge hurling me through the fence. And nobody likes to be hurled at a fence. Involuntarily anyway.

After trudging through that sinkhole we crossed the road and headed for the nearby HDB estate. There we ran into the first real obstacle of the day – a flight of stairs. And they weren’t just any flight of stairs – well actually, they were just a normal flight of stairs, but to our wheel clad feet they were A TERRIFYING DEATH TRAP. It may have been one small step for Man, but Man was probably wearing adidas sneakers. Slowly but surely though, we got down on our knees and safely crossed the TERRIFYING DEATH TRAP (it just sounds cool to say).

Upon reaching the HDB void deck, we skated around for awhile in circles, leaving all thoughts of muddy grass patches and terrifying death traps behind as we enjoyed the smooth surface of the corridor floor. There was this provision shop right next to the stairs run by an Indian family, and Ge wanted to go grab a drink and a bite. Time waits for no man however, and I refused to be a living meal-on-wheels so we decided to quench our thirst once it was all over. After a while we headed off, and I led our little two-pack through the maze of corridors and HDB void decks. After a long while I stopped and tried to gain my bearings. Ge of course, gave me a sceptical look and questioned where exactly we were supposed to be heading. Insulted that my orienteering skills were being, well, insulted, I told her that I was absolutely sure I knew where we were (I didn’t), we were definitely heading in the right direction (we weren’t), and that we couldn’t possibly get lost (we did). Iphone addict that she is, Ge tried to tempt me to use her fancy little iphone apps.

“Just use my iphone maps lar. We can get our location and everything.”

“No! No! It’s supposed to be a Quest! I refuse to soil our epic journey by using technology.”

Minutes later…

“Haha Chin Yang. Isn’t that the same Indian shop we started out at.”

“...”

“And look! The Stairs!!”

“…”

“Hahaha. All that blading and we’re right. Back. At. The. Start.”

“Oh just shut up and give me the phone.”

Faced with the repeated sight of both the Indian provision shop and the TERRIFYING DEATH TRAP, I cracked and used her stupid iphone app. Don’t judge me. All you hypocrites smirking away like you’ve never tried to find the cheat codes for Freddi Fish: The Case of the Missing Kelp Seeds. Which might I add, ranks up there with Putt Putt Goes to the Zoo as some of the most epic games ever made.

Turns out that we were nowhere near where we were supposed to be. In fact, we had gone in entirely the wrong direction. I tried to deny it but that annoying “Oh-look-at-me!-I-can-play-music-logon-to-facebook-and-identify-your-location-to-the-nearest-ten-meters-all-at-the-same-time!” hunk of junk wouldn’t let me. The arrogant bastard. And so we set off once again, ge’s iphone mercilessly stabbing my bruised ego with every glint of its shiny black casing. Stupid iphone. I want one.

The next half hour or so proceeded without much incident, and I was able to navigate properly to the correct location once I knew roughly where we were in the first place. We were crossing a bridge over some canal when we were both hit with the feeling that we had been here before. And then it struck us, we had returned once again to the Canal of Flying Coconuts, where 3 years before ge and I had been told by a security guard at the nearby condominium that PSS had temporarily moved away from that location. In our subsequent ~~frustration~~ daily exercise routine, we tossed, kicked and generally abused multiple coconut husks who probably led peaceful, if slightly placid, lives up till that point.

To commemorate our triumphant return to the place, we decided to take a picture there. Sadly though we found it impossible to both take a picture that included both us and the Canal of Flying Coconuts using ge’s iphone while maintaining our balance on the steep slope of the bridge. (Hah. I knew it couldn’t do everything) Luckily, this really old couple was came hobbling by out of the condominium so we asked them to help us take a picture. And so we leaned against the bridge, clutching onto the railing for dear life while we waited for the old lady to take the shot.

“来！来！站靠近一点！（Come! Come! Stand closer!）” the old lady cried with a wily grin.

Thinking she was trying to fit us both into the shot, we madly scrambled along the railing and inched a bit closer to each other.

“站靠近一点！再站靠近一点！(Closer! Even closer!)” she cried again, with a smile even wilier than the one she had before.

Yes, somehow we had stumbled upon the president of the Romancing Singapore campaign. Eventually though, she finally decided that that was as close as we were going to get and she snapped a shot.

“这样可以吗？(Is this ok?)”, she asked, passing us the iphone to take a look. It was an interesting enough shot I suppose – a patch of sky in one corner, a patch of grass in another, and what looked suspiciously like a giant index finger covering the rest of it. Rather guilty that we were taking up so much of their time, we asked her whether she could take just one more shot and she agreed.

Thankfully this time she decided not to play the SDU secret agent and just tried snapping the image without trying to meld us into one being. It became apparent though that she had covered the camera with her finger again and so I frantically waved and shouted at her:

“Finger!! Finger!!!”

“什么？？(What??)”

“Finger!!! Your finger!!””

To make my point I raised one finger and shook it in her direction.

Yes, I realise what that would look like.

Eventually though, she got my point and took a proper shot with nary a bit of skin in it. We thanked her profusely and went our separate ways, leaving her to return to her quest to repopulate Singapore while I went back to my daily routine of threatening 80 year old grannies.

And here's the photo by said granny:

After this we continued hobbling across the rest of the bridge. Suddenly, there we saw it – a piece of paper with an arrow on it that said “Peirce Secondary School”. Encouraged by this sign from above – well, stuck to a stick and hammered to the ground if you must be specific, we charged on with new found vigour. Finally, there it was! The Gates of PSS, which we had, years before, sauntered towards only to collapse in defeat beneath a sign that said:

Me collapsed beneath the sign 3 years ago:

Triumphant return to same gate 3 days ago:

The Fellowship of the PSS:

It was Legendary. I can't remember much of it now, but in my head a horde of our friends surrounded us, slapping our backs and carrying us towards the Gates, while inspirational Summer Olympics theme songs played in the background. In truth though we probably just gave a whoop of joy and crashed into the gates. All I can remember now is just a tremendous sense of nostalgia and lots of cam whoring around the area.

We had done it though. We had ~~strode~~ rolled into the face of Bad Senses of Direction, Match Making Grannies and Terrible Death Traps and rolled back out none the worse for wear. We were champions. And as champions with mounting overdue charges on their skates we felt we deserved a break so we decided to just take public transport back to bishan park. On the way to the bus stop ge wondered whether we would be allowed to board the bus while wearing skates. Our question was swiftly answered with the arrival of a bus.

“Hi Uncle! Can we board?” Ge cheerfully chirped out.

Almost totally obscured from view by an onslaught of passengers, the poor bus uncle gave us a quick look of confusion before hesitantly nodding his head. Suddenly, his head glanced down and spied our dainty little rollerblades.

“NOOO! NONONONO! CANNOT! 不可以！不可以！”

You should have seen the look of utter horror on his face. Freddy Kreuger in a nurse’s costume during the height of the SARS epidemic wouldn’t have garnered such a reaction. I haven’t heard someone say no so vehemently since the last time I tried to ask a girl for her number. Haha, just kidding. Really.

And so for the second time that day we hailed a cab to take us to bishan park. The cab uncle was friendly enough I suppose, though he was smiling just a bit too smugly at us for my taste. For one brief, haunting moment I half expected him to whip off a mask and turn into the matchmaker granny from before. We relaxed in the cab for a while, and enjoyed the shifting views outside -the grassy fields near the school, the brick red housing blocks of Sin Ming Ave, the forests of Bishan park, the grassy fields near the school ... again.

“Erm Chin Yang, didn’t we board the taxi at this area”

“Ohh? Oh… OHHH!!!!”

“Uncle! How come we’re back here again!”

“Aiyar, I tried to tell you all but you all were so busy talking. Just now you all never get off mah…”

Right.

And so once again for the second time that day we travelled in one big circle only to end up exactly where we started from in the first place, except this time it cost us an extra $5.60 to do so. Though I guess that incident was keeping in line with the whole spirit of our adventure. After having gone through so much just trying to find the place it only makes sense that we had to spend as much effort trying to leave it.

The cab driver ended up depositing us at the wrong end of the park, though we were too afraid for our wallets, and ourselves, to ask him to drive us anywhere else. The way things were going we would probably have ended up singing for alms in a dusty alley in Yemen. Well, at least ge would. I'd probably be the monkey scampering around with the battered tin can,

We slowly bladed back the way we came, when I decided to speed up a bit and enjoy the fruits of our prior uphill labour. Seeing a steep slope up ahead, I slowed down a little and turned to warn my compatriot, although the yelling blur shooting past me seemed to indicate that I had been a bit late in my warning.

“Ahhhh! Chin Yang! Help!! Help!!!”

I had forgotten of course, about our friend and her little braking problem and thus went chasing after her trying to slow her down, to no avail. And so I shoved her off the pavement.

In my defence it seemed apparent to me at that time that we were both going to end up crashing anyway, and the soft grass next to the slope seemed like a tad more appealing place to do so than the rocky valley of death at the end of it.

Threatened an old granny and shoved a lady off the road. Not one of my finer days no.

And so with a shout of “Fall!! FALL!! JUST FALL!!” we both went tumbling into the grass, where I somehow ended up flat on my back and gazing into the sky. I know it’s at times like this that one’s supposed to look up and give thanks for still retaining fine motor control but at that point in time all I was really thinking was “Owww…” because the sun was in my eye and a pointy rock was poking where said sun wasn’t shining.

We reached the rental shop without any further hullabaloo, albeit with a rather impressive overtime rental charge. We almost got away with it though. The rental lady mistook the 1500H on our receipt for 5pm, but I decided that I had gained enough bad karma that day already, what with the granny-scaring and the girl-pushing, and revealed her mistake to her.

Following that we then walked to J8 to get some bubble tea, singing songs along the way as I blasted songs on my Boombox. You heard me. I have a Boombox. And its awesome:

Totally ups my street cred I know.

Stuck on a post victory high, we sauntered down the road to J8, grooving and singing along to “Low”, “Smack that” and other groove-worthy songs. We weren’t so high though, that we didn’t turn around every 10 minutes or so to check if there was anyone staring at us. It’s a bit harder to throw your hands up in the air and wave them around like you just don’t care when there’s a 60 year old woman staring at you with one eyebrow raised.

Soon enough we reached the bubble tea stall and rabidly ordered our drinks. Naturally, Ge has to go start sipping her drink the moment she received it.

“Nooo! We must sip it and go aaahhhhhh… together!”

“Oh! Sorry, right right.”

Minutes later as I turned and took my first sip I would see her gazing at me innocently while vacuuming down a half empty cup of bubble tea.

“Erm… slurrppp aahhhh?”

“…Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Well that was pretty much the end of the Quest really. We stoned around J8 for a while as I bought my dinner before parting ways at Mac Ritchie.

It was an epic day.

Tata folks.

P.S. If you viewers out there happen to be feeling generous with your clicks, feel free to click on the advert in my blog. I get 0.0000001 cents everytime you do. So click away people, and you just might be paying for the next piece of tissue I blow my nose in.

2009-10-07T23:50:00.005+08:00

Sometimes we try so hard to organize that perfect outing, that we forget how simple the best ones were. Spend all that time making sure every hour's special, when all we had to do was spend them with people who are. And in the end the moments that I'll hold most dear are not the ones that stand out the most - the dragon boating outings, the art exhibitions or the 5 star rated movies, but the ones that seem as plain as day. Searching for a school, waiting for a sunrise and sharing laughs over a dinner table, these were the moments that mattered, and the times I should have treasured most. A pity it took me a blueberry waffle, a dinner and a farewell to realise it, only now. A toast then, to the special people. Cheers.

2009-09-17T17:00:00.005+08:00

Hello folks,

I have had it with all these weird emails from friends asking me to buy this or that product or try this or that slimming pill. I am so not that fat. So upon receiving yet another one of those mails yesterday when I was already in a rather annoyed mood at something else, I decided to craft a polite reply to the companies hacking my friend's email accounts and spamming my inbox with all this nonsense. The original mail and the reply I typed out went as follows.

Original mail:

Dear friend:

Welcome to our company Web www.baobiemaoy.com , Our major business are wholesale .We provided the electrical products with top quality: motorcycles /notebooks/phones/TV etc. Which come with world famous brands, such as Sony, Apple, HP, Dell. All of our items are Brand new and from the manufactures directly and they owns 1-3 years' international warranty time. Importantly, you can enjoy the free shipping for most of them. The total expanses just are the item values. You do not need to pay any more extras.

We are looking forward to hearing from you!

Thanks

email: baobiemaoy2@yahoo.com.cn

baobiemaoy@gmail.com

Jing Li

Reply:

Dear friend,

Thank you for writing your letter and welcoming me to your company. It is indeed a great honour of mine to have been accepted into the esteemed baobiemaoy corporation. However, one humbly questions how one was accepted when one never applied in the first place you scumbags. I also humbly remind your most esteemed highness that although the English standard of a 5 year old raised in the Ugalaweebahaha tribe in the heart of South Africa may be acceptable to certain individuals, namely the tribes people of the Ugalaweebahaha tribe, it is not to me. Your major business are not wholesale. It IS in wholesale. While I grant that it could be that you intended to write "Our major businesses are in wholesale", one considered that your most respected personage probably lacks the mental faculty needed to run a lemonade stall, let alone multiple businesses. I could go on to comment on the rotting chunk of tripe that constitutes your understanding of the English language, but I devotedly and lovingly doubt that you'd be able to understand it you moronic slab of concrete go find your manager, a cat, your pet rock or any other object with a higher level of intelligence than the one you apparently currently posses to explain it to you.

No insult intended of course.

Oh, but that is not to say that I do not wish to do business with you oh most venerated baobiemaoy. Nothing would delight me more. As soon as you show me your range of Sony, Apple, HP and Dell electrical motorcycles, I'll be happy to tell you which ones I want. If you have any unicorns, hobbits or Snuffalumps the Magical Rainbow Dinosaur in your catalog do tell me and I'll be sure to add them to my Apple Motorcycle orders.

I am looking forward to hearing from you! Don't worry, I can get my 3 year old nephew to translate for you.

Regards, Chin Yang

Alas in the end my good conscience, sense of compassion, and fear of being beat up and left in three pieces in some dark alley prevented me from actually sending it out to Mr Baobiemaoy. But I did show it to Royce Yap, telling him afterwards that it was only a joke, that obviously I did not actually send out the mail, polite though it was, and I was merely fooling around the computer because I was bored.

5 mins later:

royce said:
i've sent it to baobiemaoy2@yahoo.com.cn
oh, and I cced you also.

Sigh. Well that's that then. Thanks Royce. I'm going to get run over by a Sony electical motorcycle tomorrow and it'll all be your fault.

Tata.

2009-06-13T22:12:00.004+08:00

Hello folks, the oc s boys are probably making snow angels now as hell freezes over but yes, I'm actually blogging within three months of my previous post. Went for my medical checkup for DSTA yesterday with some trepidation. After all you don't go to work for a defense science organization without expecting them to at least make you half robot, though I guess veterinarian scholars would have it worse.

And so I made the early morning trip to Paragon where after 15 min of searching I ended up entering the wrong medical center. Despite repeated inquiries the only speck of advice the receptionist could give me was "Its next to metro.", which granted would have been wonderful advice if I'd actually known that metro was a shop and not a description of Adam Lambert. As tempting as running around Paragon looking for a guy in an overly tight pink shirt was though, my detective skills prevailed and I deduced that being in a shopping center Metro was in all likelihood a shop. Brilliance I know. And so I wandered around Paragon for another 15 min looking for that stupid shop before finally finding it in some obscure corner of the shopping center.

Went through some normal medical survey thing, before going for my height and weight test.

Sigh.

Following that while waiting for them to process my stuff I went off to use the loo so of course naturally the first thing that they asked me to do upon my return was a urine test. Following that (a long while later), they shoveled me off to see the doctor for a routine medical examination. Took off my shoes and got on the funny bed like thing when I realised, to put it delicately, that the window to my domain was half open. Demoralizing stuff. Shoving my immense mortification aside, I yanked my shirt down to cover myself and silently thanked my brother for his past prediliction for oversized shirts. And then it happened, the female doctor spoke the 4 words I'd never thought I'd regret hearing from a girl:

"Take off your shirt."

Wanting to get it over with quickly, I removed what seemed like a 50kg shirt and prayed that her eyes weren't half as open as my jeans as she prodded and tapped my stomach in what will probably be the closest I'll ever get to an erotic massage. Thankfully though, my zip was less then halfway down and i fixed it the moment her back was turned so I doubt she noticed anything.

After that I went for some chest X-Ray thing on the seventh floor where for the second time that day a girl in a lab coat asked me to take off my shirt, followed rapidly by "But only your shirt! Only your shirt." I suppose then that either I have the face of a drug addled rapist or word had trickled down from above and more things were noticed previously then I had believed. Somehow I prefer the former option.

Well that was pretty much the conclusion of the whole traumatic medical checkup experience so I made my way back to school to stone while waiting for ge to come over for some guitar hero action. Found the art room open and went in to find the J1s doing their UOB painting, reinforcing my belief that most art students are intrinsically emo. Did everything from sweep the floor, wash the sink and pace a trench around the art room and was contemplating chopping off my head and playing bowling with it when ge finally arrived and we trooped off to surmount the heights of Braddell. Despite all our plans to guitar hero the day away we ended up playing 4 guitar hero songs and spent the rest of the day singing karaoke party instead. I'm proud to announce that our account has now made the high scores for 3 songs, and 21st place in the world for the past year for 1, thanks mostly in part to her singing and my superior skills as her manager which mostly involved forced her to drink water, serving her liang teh and trying not to laugh during 3 straight minutes of falsetto. There is a new force to be reckoned with in Karaoke Party and its name is PSS. All in all a fun day.

Tata.

2009-05-16T13:07:00.006+08:00

Hello friends, yes I'm back for one of those increasingly sporadic updates on my personal life. Amazing I know. Well despite my long absence from the blogging scene it should be heartening to note that the most exciting change in my life recently may very well be my new superman wallpaper. Yes, my life is still more boring then yours. Army has had its ups and downs, usually in counts of twenty, and for the sake of making myself look cooler then I really am, I have to regretfully inform you that I am unable to divulge anything on my training under the OFFICIAL SECRETS ACT. Yes it's official and it's secret and it's an act. I am that cool.

Anyway if you're curious as to why I've roused from my blogging slumber, an unfortunate bout of illness has left me stranded at home with nothing to do but watch American Idol reruns on TV. And blog apparently. My weekends have pretty much been spent frolicking around town and teaching at Toa Payoh South CC on Saturdays, though I say teaching very loosely since I pretty much spend half the session being slave driven by two pri 2 girls into drawing every disney princess in existence. Yup, that'd totally inspire the respect and admiration of my army mates. On the bright side I can now recall the color of each princesses' hair and dress which is always a useful thing to know when you're colorblind and hang around lorry.

In other news I managed to catch Wolverine last week. It was fine enough entertainment I suppose with the requisite sob story and wow-that's-cool action scenes. I must admit however, that I never did get the whole appeal of Wolverine in the first place. I mean, if he's daigor's favorite superhero surely there has to be something wrong with him. The main gripe I have of course, is the whole notion that a metal laced skeleton is a good thing (Ge, yours doesn't count). By the time you're thirty you've either been struck by lightning more times than team rocket or have been rotting in airport customs hell for the last twenty years. And for all you testosterone overdosed jocks who think he has a cool catchphrase: "I'm the best at what I do, and what I do isn't very nice." Please, he sounds like a garbage collector. A highly efficient garbage collector granted, but a garbage collector nonetheless.

Sigh. It strikes me now that I'm spending a perfectly fine Saturday bashing a fictional comic book superhero. Oh to have fallen so far.

Kk, boredom only goes so far, farewell folks.

Tata.

2009-02-22T00:47:00.003+08:00

Random bit of Advertising. Check out cool notebooks at:

BRAIN REMOVAL INCORPORATED

And here I include a quote from their website:

"This is Brain Removal Incorporated, where we surgically remove your brain (yes neurons, synapses and all) if you refuse to leave it at the door. Here, we believe everyone enjoys a better existence without their grey matter, and so we’re here to bring you that experience.

Clearly, simple badges and notebooks really aren’t enough to provide the full exhilarating sensation of a neuro operation but strangely ironically, brain removal is really all in the head. Sorta like a… mental exercise. All you have to do thus, is to grab a notebook, have some faith, chant the magic words and do the Brainless Dance and you’ll be in da hood.

Peace out."

Their current collection includes:

#1: Numbing Namibian Notebooks
#2: Medieval Surgical Instrument Sketchbooks
#3: Life Direction Guidelines

If nothing else go look at the pretty site. I know what all you boys are thinking, why buy a brain removal kit when you can just let NS do it for you? But remember than as in all things in life there's nothing like getting a head start when you're emptying one. As for the girls why not get your special someone a belated valentines day gift. After all, nothing says I love you like telling the person you love deep deep you want to separate his brain from the general vicinity of his skull. So take the step, get a kit and clear your mind. You'll find in the end that despite all you've been told grey matter really doesnt.

Trust me, I'm a army boy.

Tata folks.

2009-02-02T11:21:00.006+08:00

(Disclaimer: This post too, was not written by me. If you can't tell. It was written by a certain beansprout loving friend of mine who coincidentally knew my blog password.)

this is a story about bean sprouts. what colour they really are, chinyang will never know.

once upon a time, when the art room was surrounded by lush greenery in cheap plastic pots in a distant dream the ancient ones called coursework, chinyang was given a plant that had a broken stem.

no one wanted the plant because it was well broken at the stem. and in plant land, that means its a gonner.

but no... chinyang used masking tape and some paper to prop it up. such that it healed and from that point onwards it became known as planty.

planty flourished, at a slower rate, but never the less, it grew and had a happy life.

until it died probably from lack of water and sunlight. and probably fresh non-toxic air also.

this is planty.
some intelligent and concerned person wanted planty to have some sun and water. but a particular overprotective chinyang decided otherwise. pity. also the knob thing near the base is where planty healed its stem.

chinyang "i miss planty, what plant was planty?"
"green bean"
chinyang "ho-mer-ger. i'll never look at a green bean the same way again"

now let us enter the cool world of green beans. also called mung bean. now now, because it may be green/brown/yellow/orange to some colour misled individuals, lets not be mean by making them constantly reconsider their colour view of the plant. to be partial, we will stick with the more accurate name, mung bean.
this is its seed pod. when it is ripe and dried and blackish brown
mung beans germinating
mung bean at about one week old. about the stage where planty's stem broke
mung bean at about 2 + weeks old. about the stage where planty was (still alive) in the photo above
mung bean plant in later stage (where planty never made it to)
mung bean plant growing flowers
and producing more mung beans!

to learn more about the fascinating world of mung beans, grow one today!

to find out more about the cultivation of mung bean as a crop, click on this link!

2009-01-10T23:27:00.020+08:00

(Disclaimer: I did not write this post. Lorry requested access to my blog for reasons that are now apparent to me. Haha, but it's a nice post. Thanks lorry. )

this is an epic story about a boy. a hardworking boy
hmm maybe not. a sleepy boy.
a dirty boy (on his way to the shower after monotyping overnight)
a sleepy dirty boy
who can be quite shy
but we must say he has some strange spastic friends (thoughtful looking jon)
and he lives ridiculously near to sch. which seems rather unfair right? (biennale 08)
but its ok. we all know you can't have everything/colour in life. (drawing by chinyang)
but it does not matter. chinyang knows he is special (suntec last day of garden fest)
and that he is superman.
which makes him jealous of everything else that can fly.
and his love for chem and artworks (chinyang's notes with bad handwriting)
brings him to many exhibitions (suntec)
and fashion shows to see runway models (r proj)
here he is with 8 of them.
but in his spare time he likes to do some reflecting (biennale 08)
and spend a long moment in solitude (biennale 08)
and once that is over, he likes campfires too. (post coursework feast)
And he likes making new friends! (bubble buddy centre, new jersey)
but in the process he may lose somethings ("was i carrying a bag just now?")
which is the price to pay to see the world. (j2s, mr chia and mrs toh at statue of liberty)
and the world's museums (the met)
and try their food (hardrock cafe NY)
even if the food seems dubious (ian getting eaten)
chinyang is not fussy about the food he eats. (be they hotdogs or someone else's egg tart)
and he will miss his traveling trips and his traveling buddies (aww.)
but back home he assumes back his secret identity (omega night dec 30th 08)
gasp!
or maybe its not such a secret
together he and his crew must battle the forces of evil. (royce which side are you on?)
and they save the cheerleader!
even our hero gets no rest. he is still a sleepy dirty boy (dec 31st 08)
a shocked and no longer sleepy but still dirty boy
with friends who try their best not to oversleep. (well we tried)
and friends who are able to give him a pedicure (ian btw)
or a manicure. (such multi-talented friends he has)
and friends to teach him the ways of fashionable manly bomb.
so chinyang is a happy boy
with pretty friends (heh heh heh)
and a best non-sister friend
and scouty friends
and more scouty friends
happy hopeful and mysterious friends
and the most retarded friends of all, arty friends
who try their best to sing (k box 4 jan wah super ex.)
and have a natural talent to eat almost anything (half half?)even when danger lurks around the corner (or in his bed in ny)
his friends will be there for him (ah we miss ben!)

END

special thanks to my (Bald Enlisted Nocturnal) accomplice and chinyang and daigor
in memory of chinyang.
NS 9jan2009-

2009-01-08T00:18:00.003+08:00

Hi people. I'm going where the sun shines too much, I face the ground too often to care and pixels are the new black. The grass is greener on the other side, and so will everything else so no worries about any pseudo lorries questioning my colour sensibilities at least. I am officially downgrading from the Little Red Dot to its pimple tomorrow, so expect to see me in 2 weeks plus needing yun nam hair treatment and Loy's mythical SPF 130 sun lotion, a handy tool I'm sure if I'm ever in urgent need of something to deflect laser fire. Not exactly scintillating with excitement at present though I'm sure that'll come to pass the moment I shoot my first bullet, hopefully to a location nowhere near the general vicinity of my heart, kidney or spleen. A toast then to husband and wifles, green as the new black and a new appreciation for pop.

Tata people. A is for Airborne.

Man in Army

Armani

P.S. Hello Daigor, congratulations on finally making it out of army. I hope you've been enjoying yourself these last few days reminding me exactly how few my last few days are. Good luck for all future pursuits, and I hope that you pass your driving test. Don't worry too much though, I don't think many people fail on their first try.

Cheerios, laodi.

2008-09-26T20:48:00.006+08:00

Hi people, its been a while but coursework is finally over. Whee. I think. Prelims have come and gone without so much as a blip on our radars, and the dearth of mugging shall soon present itself in our prelim grades. Mugging the morning before the paper itself is not exactly the best way to guarantee a good result. To arters: Its been a strangely wonderful/tiring/tofuish month but the company made everything worthwhile. Thanks for all the help throughout the journey, love our class. For you sad folk out there who have no idea who all these weirdly wonderful people are, here's a brief introduction to Artedraffles, 0708. By no particular order except for the one in my art contact list:

1)Pix, also known as Vegetables Respect the Holidays, and the queen of OCD and still lifes. You know the saying 只要功夫深，铁棒磨成针。Well with her it applies to sharpening pencils. The person to go to if you want something done perfect, and don't mind reincarnating a few times before you get it. Also the owner of a death ray known as the PX stare. Ph34r and +r3mbl3.
2)Syaz, the lover of anything pink, pretty and well, pink, and master watercolour artist. Also has one of the most distinctive voices in the art room.
3)IAN, resident clay master, well schooled in the ninja arts of dodging every idea thrown at him, his face has suffered much for the sake of our amusement. Often has his hands in other people's pockets. No, I don't think he's looking for the money. Will sell his soul for two pieces of bread.
4)Lorry, saver of overturned plant pots and resident domestic worker of the art room. Constant provider of the ambrosia that is pad thai, cleaner of the sink, and many other things I can't remember. Thanks lorry, if I have accomplished much, it is by standing on the shoulders of gi... nevermind.
5)Qiong Ye, mysterious person who vanishes in and out of the art room from the shadowy abode known as RI boarding. Second other person who lives closer to the school then me. Envy.
6)Luo Chen, master of faces, often hidden behind a mask and yellow eye protectors. Has shortened all of our lives by ten years by acrylic dust poisoning. Also a chinese kungfu master at the fighting art of Nintendo Wii Boxing.
7)Hui Zhen, super fast worker, and probably the only person who'll ever believe a cardboard box is a 800 degrees C firing kiln. Also gets pranked by Mr Chia more often then the rest of the class put together, leaving the rest of us highly amused. Thanks.
8)Ben, the light warrior and defender of all that is anti chipmunk. Can be tortured by pounding chipmunk with a fist, though I do not advise it unless you want px to throw a chair at you. Also the only pacifist worms player I have ever known. Behind his harmless exterior lies a dangerous weapon. Just throw him into a room and scream the seven magic words to set him off, though to date only ge has been evil enough to do so.
9)Yong Feng, mysterious generous person of the art class, whose song is rarer then that of the Himalayan spotted Bandicoot which I strongly suspect does not exist. Secretly owns a chain of bakeries and has been dating weili for the past 7 years. Since weili is a figment of mine and ben's imagination I feel a bit sad for him but ah well true love knows no boundaries. One day we shall hear him sing.
10)Shuhan, a.k.a. "the bimbo but without the brains" as she termed herself. A watercolour master and resident Jay Chou fan who has provided endless entertainment with the breadth and lack of depth of her comments.
11) Yen Lin, Art Class Rep, graphic master and all round super pro art person. Master cake cutter along with lady shuhan, lover of lines and along with shuhan a source of great amusement to the art class with their endless quotable quotes.
12) Ge, also known as Elvis of Elvis and the Gogos. The person to contact if you ever need to paint a dustbin on the wall outside your house, to irritate the neigbourhood cat if nothing else. Never fails to brighten up the mood with her hysterical laughter, and happy go lucky ways. Can never be woken up once asleep which provides for many interesting opportunities if you have a marker and jigglypuff aspirations, though none of us have ever gone that far. To those who have, I salute you. Also the owner of the dirtiest Imagination I have ever seen. In a sense.
13)Berny, Queen of Print Kingdom, silkscreen master and our resident little emo ray of sunshine, an endless source of comments that by all rights should tear away every shred of optimism and hope from our sad and sorry souls but which never fail to amuse us anyway.
Dig and bit deeper and you'll find that beneath her angsty and emo shell lies a deep and passionate love for the art room floor above all else.
14)Queenie, painter extraordinaire, resident master of photoshop and a member of the print room club. Another super pro art person, though beneath her innocent and ladylike exterior lies dark cannibalistic urges revealed only under the stress of coursework and the prospect of not eating dinner for another 45 mins. Looks forward to meals more than any other person I know.
15)Joshua Tan, owner of Wabbit/Tofu/Mogu Mogu, and funny person whose jokes have amused us through many sova lessons. Resident nice guy, and the proud creator of a really cool coursework which I advise all of you to go see.
16)Ian (without the caps), storybook artist ( the book is damn cool ), and the respected teacher of Art Class 101: How not to destroy the print blanket when doing a print.
17)Smint, fellow digimon fan and another member of the print room club. Paints funny lego pieces that thankfully still have their heads stuck on, and provider of art class cookies of which I'm ashamed to say I consumed quite a few.
18)Jon, also known as 猪拿蛋马是米脸果为人，fellow vocal power house along with Ge, Art Class Rep and all round art pro. Enjoys talking to a large degree though I don't understand why when he can say everything through interpretive dance. Imitates voices, particularly one, like no one else can. Thanks for all the laughter, smses and song dance routines with ge.
19)Zixamama: Art class mamma (or is that lorraine?), and master namer of picture files. Lover of anything vintage and retro, will probably end up being one of those millionaire karang guni workers we've all heard about. Might also end up as a getai singer named purple mama though don't get your hopes up.
20)Mr Chia and Mrs Toh, the two most wonderful teacher's I've ever had, I would be really freaked out if they read this but really thanks alot.

And that about sums up the people I've been slogging through coursework with for the last year or so. Also a shout out to all the people who've aided us in our journey. Fried! Ivan! Bix! XX! Thanks for all the time you all spent helping us, particularly Ivan who isn't even part of our class but spent so much time helping us anyway, we would have foamed without you all.

Well then, this is probably my last proper post for a very long while again, and the non arters are probably very confused by all the inside references. Woops. To the arters out there, coursework is over at last, lets man together and recover our studies in time for A level. Think Adidas.

Cheerios.

2008-07-22T21:07:00.005+08:00

What bored people do during GP.

Presenting: Hey there Delilah - a parody.

HEY THERE MIKE TEAVEE

Hey, its Survivor,
let's continue watching TV,
I haven't left this filthy couch,
since the 1970s.
Oh wait I have.
But boy those bathroom breaks were fast,
I didn't bathe

Hey its The Bachelor,
watching this show makes me cry.
I have only had a single date,
since poor old momma died,
ten years ago...
And that date was with a ho,
she paid to go.

Oh, it's what you do to me.
Oh, it's watching you TV.
Oh, it's what you do to me.
Oh, reality TV.
Addicted to TV.

Hey look its idol,
I think Randy's really cute,
Paula Abdul is a sycophant,
and Ryan makes me puke.
I bet I'd win,
the moment Cowell hears me sing,
he'd be my queen.

I'm a Coach Potato,
that much I already know.
Though I didn't see back then,
how much those chips would make me grow.
My plain white Ts,
I no longer fit in as I please,
Can't see my knees.

Oh, its what you do to me.
Oh, french fries, burgers, Pepsi
Oh, my waistlines' sixty three,
weights' three hundred kg
Blame Mac delivery.

The TV box seems pretty far,
no idea where my remotes are,
I'd walk to it if my legs could stand the weight.
I give thanks for cable TV,
this is my true reality,
so what if I'm in a vegetative state

And buddy look, I promise you,
If you change channels before this show is through,
your face will never ever be the same,
oh what a shame.

Hey Mitsubishi,
Writing about that warranty,
you see my TV's broken down,
so I demand a high def LCD,
completely free.
Please send it quickly for you see,
The Amazing Race is on at three,
the withdrawal signs are killing me,
yours truly, T.

Oh, look what you did to me,
Oh, severe obesity
Eyesight's one thousand degrees.
Oh, I'm addicted can't you see,
to Reality TV.

ohcy

p.s. the dark knight is <3

2008-07-10T23:23:00.003+08:00

Hello people, I dunno why I'm blogging now but somehow I just feel like it. That and insomnia. Life seems quite aimless now, like some mindless amalgamation of coursework and stoning. For the past week I've been sort of floating in a post CT academic paralysis bliss, though admittedly that bliss has been tainted by my efforts to shove Blue's Clues closer to the 50% mark. Brighten one's day, being owned by a pig does not. Well the half year mark has passed and prelims ( as lorraine so kindly reminds us) is a mere 46 days away, so the time seems ripe for a nice introspective post.

Quite sad really thinking that we'll all soon be going our separate ways, flying to the corners of the globe to begin our final round of academic slogging. Granted everywhere is now but a 747 away, but do note that for someone who walks across the road to school every morning distances take on a rather different scale. Yeah, everyone will promise to keep in touch on gradnight but looking at past experiences one somehow doubts. Ah well, facebook will prevail. Life in RJC has really been a rush of new experiences (if not geographically then mentally) and save a few speed bumps it has been the happiest period of my life so far, and with nothing but green/brown/wadever uniforms lurking in the foreseeable future I doubt that'll change anytime soon.

When I really think about it though the two things that have defined my JC life the most are Scouts and Art. Scouts is ... scouts. Nothing much more I can say about that. Sure we may complain once in a while about the chances we missed, the opportunities we gave up to go wear that $%$#@ itchy scarf but all in all I think if given the choice we would all still choose to walk the same path.

Or almost the same path. PLTC, I can skip. (right leng and arnie? )

Art has been, well, fun. I still remember deliberating like crazy whether or not to take econs or art, whether to go with the "safe career" but omgihateessays choice or the more interesting one. Thankfully I had the foresight to give up the horrors of a 2 hr writing paper for the fun of scrubbing what seems like a never ending spam of intaglio ink from rollers at 7 in the morning, ( a substance which I suspects ranks higher than putrefied pitch in the sacred list of justburnthebloodyshirt stains) and.... a 3 hour writing paper. Its fun stuff.

Really.

Beyond that, I love my art class too ( sorry Ian, that's not just you), everyone seems to be weird in their own delightfully quirky way. I think we're somehow all bonded by trauma. The art room has almost become a sort of second home for me, and I find myself popping in to take a peek everytime I walk past. Or maybe I'm just be addicted to the turpentine smell. You never know. As Mr C so delightfully put it we now have less then 5 days worth of time to finish our coursework, so I suspect that more bonding opportunities will offer themselves up gratuitously. Jiayou everyone.

Aside from art though life feels quite aimless now. Reaching that seasonal funk again where despite the time spent teaching the kids I seem to be achieving absolutely nothing in my tuition CIPs. Sigh. I need to find some 1 to 1 teaching opportunities with a fixed student. Group tutoring doesnt really achieve much in my experience, especially at my beginner level of tutoring.

Tired. Off to bed. Seems somehow futile saying this but lets all keep in touch eh?

Oh, and this might not apply to everyone but honestly, relatively speaking, life is really not that tough.

No canoeist will see this before the finals are over but jiayou canoeists anyway. Griffles go pwn their ass.

Tata.

2008-06-28T20:01:00.007+08:00

Hello friends, despite the fact that its only been a measly 100 days since my last post I have decided to blog again. Seems barely yesterday that CT1s had ended and now CT2s have come and flown by again, with all the pace and speed of a intoxicated hot air balloon. It has been a long month. Despite the fact that I have been spending more time in the hallowed halls of RJC then out of it it has been quite an interesting time, so for the sake of posterity and dementia I shall keep a record of it here.

Spent the last day of the holiday following bix with sian ying to see her do her R proj stuff, before a nice dinner/snack at Glutton's Bay. Went to watch some arts fest performance to after that with silei, huimin and joshua, though lacking silei's periscope action height I was not able to see much of it. The first few days of the holidays was fun enough, what with getting bad stomach flu the day before R project along with friend bix. Arrived at the stupid place one and a half hours early because I confused the exhibition opening time with the start of the show. Stupidity i know, but sick friend bix did the exact same thing and thus i place the blame fully on the shoulders of the oyster egg seller who i am moderately sure owned my stomach. R project itself was quite fun, Hiok you looked like a slut, though as hungry as I am for quality foundation and eyeliner, I fail to see the necessity of paying 20 dollars for a ticket when the free goodies they gave us cost more than that.

After those first happy three days, I made my quarter yearly migration to the art room to begin my hardcoring for art. Now that I look back though I can't believe I did so little despite spending so much time in that room. Nothing much of interest happened during the first week and a half or so.

The second wednesday of the week was friend yap's birthday, where I wasted half a day of my life trying to help throw a surprise birthday party for someone who already knew about it the morning before. Set a few tasks such as asking him to run next to some manly army running warriors and verbally admire their impressive physique, though I guess for that task the reward lay in the task itself. Ended it all with going to his house for a "surprise" birthday dinner, and if I could make those quotation marks bigger I would.

We were supposed to sneak of to Royce's house to set up the party stuff leaving me with him to stall for time. Expecting them to drift off one by one or to have already told him they were not staying for dinner earlier, I made no inquiries as to just how they were going to do so. His second last task had just been completed and we were sauntering along east coast park, jovially chatting when suddenly:

Interact and Gang: "Eh we cannot stay for dinner, have to go home for dinner. Bye!"

Whole group walks off.

Royce * cheery smile* : "Thanks guys! Bye!"

0.5 seconds later *turns to me*

Royce (=.="): "They are damn bad liars."

After dinner we just sat around chatting awhile, before i finally left to go home and prepare for Y camp.

The next day itself was the beginning of a 4 day 3 night camp called Y camp. It was really an experience. Go for it. Fun stuff.

The end of Y camp and the second week of june holidays marked the beginning of my mugging period and I can honestly say that starting to mug really really sucks. Of course mugging sucks on a general basis, but focusing on owning exams one day after Y camp is the chocolate icing on the cake we have but can't eat.

Can't really remember much of what happened during that sorry 2 weeks, though i do seem to recall being accosted by some scouts juniors who were carrying poles to braddell westlake. Seeing the uncalled cry for help in their eyes, I generously offered my help. Well actually they just directly asked for it. I took one pole each from most of them and helped them carry it. Upon reaching the overhead bridge, who should I see but another pair of young scouty chaps thirsting for physical labour to prove their worth, so I gallantly dumped my poles on them and walked away stoically, arms held loosely at my side, for I could no longer do anything else with them. All right, I know that sitting in a chair for 3 weeks its not exactly a steroid pumping fitness regime but don't think I don't know you gave me your heaviest poles.

For the uninitiated, I shall provide some information on scout poles. These are divided into 3 simple classes. The first class is the "Matchstick Pole", a rare genre of poles a three month old chimpanzee could use as a javelin. The second class would be the normal poles. I surmise that no explanation is needed here. The third class would be the "I drink Grow Pole", a sort of calcium overdosed jock class of poles, which I surmise were among the poles dumped on me.

(Besides these three general classes, one more legendary pole still exists, the 如意金箍棒 pole, which has wafted in and out of the ages in the arms of various suffering souls. I myself have had the misfortune of carrying it once, and it is da omega bomb heavy. Friend arnie should remember it)

After that merry little bit of distraction, went back to mugging in the raffles rooms. It is at this point that I would like to thank Daniao for giving me free use of his bike during the hols. People mugging in school during the holidays would have probably wondered at this strange guy cycling around school with no purpose whatsoever, but it was these mini cycling breaks that kept me sane as i wrestled with 2,4-dinitrophenylhydrazine (try saying that 5 times really quickly) and physics tutorials with wrong printed answers, which on a side note seriously piss me off.

Nothing much exciting ever really happens during mugging, so that about sums up my june holidays. CTs were ok I guess, nothing much to say about that too. Felt an indescribable rush on friday after Physics CT ended though. After the last paper went out with soph, sy and gang for lunch, before joining my class for a double movie marathon. Get Smart is freaking hilarious. I laughed till my stomach hurt. 21 was average, and no, the guy is not as hot in the movie as he looks on the posters. Lagged around as usual after that, before going with Xinyi, Loy and Yewei to Mind Cafe for lunch. Played cluedo and jungle speed till like 10 am, and the antics of my compatriots provided an endless source of amusement.

Scene 1

Loy with all cards on the table, and eagerly awaiting the presence of the green colour card that would guarantee her victory. The same Loy who incidentally hadn't won a single game of jungle speed all night.

*Xinyi's turn to turn over card."

Yewei: "eh eh! Xuewei going to win already! Quickly if you get green must snatch before her!"

Xuewei leans forward with a great deal of indignition, swiftly berating friend Foo: "OI! How can you..."

*Xinyi quickly flips open her (green) card and snatches the stick*

Xuewei: "do this kind of thi...... Eh?! EEEEHHHH!!!"

Hilarious.

After that Joshua crashed my house where we played random things till morning and I left for school to do some art room construction stuff. More fun beckoned afterwards as art ppl too crashed my house and we whiled the afternoon away playing games less intellectual than one square tic tac toe. Spasming Chanseys, lagging reactions and suicidal, girder happy worms were the order of the day as we dribbled our minds away into CT-free oblivion. I haven't had this much retarded fun in quite a while.

One last day of freedom before Art hardcoring starts again. Sigh. Jiayou everyone.

Tata.

2008-03-20T18:12:00.004+08:00

Hello dudes and dudettes. Tis a time of celebration, for CTs are over and my three weeks of social isolation are over. Beyond the fact that my Universe has been confined by the boundaries of art room and home for the last three weeks, and every meal I've eaten in that period has been crammed with lipidy junk goodness, my life has been pretty much the same. (Though now that i think about it that isn't much of a difference from my normal life anyway.) Since the start of my Jekyll and Hyde transformation into a mugger, I have been pretty much cooped up in the artroom with mugging buddies and food sources lorr and smint, which helped relieve the boredom somewhat, cracking jokes about a certain friend's height or lack of it and all that. But I shall not be mean and put down someone for whom puddles are a water hazard.

Followed Lorr to go plant shopping this afternoon which was more exciting then it sounds and less exciting then I expected it to be. Despite her insistence on stopping and staring at every plant/weed/ greenish looking thing along they way we made it there eventually and I oohed and aahed at the pretty flowers till she dragged me to go ogle flower pots, turning to me once in a while to ask which pot looked nicer before unceremoniously dumping them into my arms and scurrying to go scavenge another. Sure pots are nice and all, round ones, square ones, fat ones etc, but they are hardly the most interesting phenomena in existence. Its like toilet bowls. You might have the most beautifully carved, platinum plated, T.T. Duraish toilet bowl in the universe but, like a flower pot, it still doesn't change its functional purpose as a fertilizer container.

Sorry, just taking a random cheap pot short.

A urinal on the other hand, is different. Sign your name on it and call it Fountain and its Art with a capital A.

The flowers on the other hand, were really quite nice. Some I felt were hideous, but there were a few that got my hands itching to try and grow some, though considering that everything I've ever tried to rear has died on my hands that itch soon subsided. I mean, I killed 200 guppies and a suckerfish. I even killed a cactus.

A cactus.

Who on earth kills a cactus. They're like a G-Shock, black box and cockroach mashed into some indestructible lifeform, and I killed it. Lorraine meanwhile took a perverse and sadistic pleasure in asking me the colour of every purple/blue flower we walked past, which for obvious reasons I got wrong more often than not. The saddest bit was yet to come as I strolled off to admire a particularly pretty bunch of flowers.

Ohcy: "Eh eh, this blue is super nice. I really like the dark-blue to white gradient, its my favorite type of blue."

Lorraine: "Chin Yang...."

The rest I rather leave unsaid but you get the gist.

In any case, plants are quite cool, and I can't believe I just said that. The sheer number and variety of gardening tools/ insecticides/ pots etc etc is rather astounding. There was like this entire rack of insect pesticides which I shall never touch for reasons once again best left unsaid. My mugging buddies should know.

After that went back to school to stone awhile before zix and lorr crashed my house. I'll admit I took a great deal of fiendish glee in watching them surmount Mount Braddell, a sad sad process I go through every day, albeit without killing myself in the process like my friends there. Played some 02jam and other random stuff and basically chill pilled around.

Left for dinner after they left and came back to start blogging. Well that's about all actually, congrats to everyone who has survived CTs.

Happy belated birthday Heidi.

Hey there Delilah - dedicated to my art class

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I wouldn't know because my art trip has been canceled by RJC.
Yes it has,
Times Square will never see us pass
Our sad art class.

A thousand miles seems pretty far
Though we've got planes and trains and cars,
still in the end its here that we must stay
Our friends have all made fun of us,
And the reason for that is because,
For ISLE they've already flown away.
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time that we get to
New York the paintings will have rotted in their frames
We need a plane

Home - Dedicated to the previous owners of my house

Whenever I am feeling low,
I look around me and I know,
There's a place that is right next to me,
As long as I'm in RJC
I will always recall, with pity
the sad folks on mrt,
For while they wake up at 5am
I'm sleeping, as sound as can be.

This is home, truly,
ten minutes from RJC,
I wake at seven thirty,
for me transport's scott free.
This is home, surely, not pasir ris or yew tee,
Where it is, will never be unknown,
For from my school, I see my home.

This is where, I know I'm home
I'm sorry if, you live in border zones.

I am a truly privileged person. To the sad people in Pasir Ris, Bedok and Yew Tee, my sympathies, and a gentle reminder that violence is a very unbecoming habit in public.

P.S. Fear Factor is damn sick. To me.

"this is my favorite part of fear factor. I always think girls getting tied up and showered by blood are damn hot."

~Laodi

2008-02-29T23:29:00.003+08:00

Today, the 29th of February, is Superman's 70th birthday. Happy Birthday Superman.

I hope I still look like that at the ripe old age of 70, assuming of course, that I look like that at the age of 25. You know, a little exercise, a little steak, a little plastic surgery, a ton or so of protein powder and steroids and anything's possible.

One can dream.

2008-02-15T20:17:00.005+08:00

Hello people. Tis I, ohcy, back from the chocolate laden indulgences of valentines day, here to blog because that's what Superman would do.

Yesterday

Ah, valentines day, a day of love, happiness and empty wallets. This year, I have officially decided that I shall not be part of this overly commercialized and meaningless holiday, and I say this because I am just too lazy/busy to actually go and buy stuff. Besides, I find the theory that a baby in diapers decides my every crush a wee bit repulsive. Oh, and have you ever noticed that cupid when reversed spells out dipuc?

hmmmm......

All in all, valentines day seems like a fishy occasion to me, and over the years I have formulated what is now known widely in academic circles as : THE VALENTINES DAY THEORY ™

THE VALENTINES DAY THEORY ™

Observation: Every year during valentine's day, we see 2 different types of people. Those who have a nice bag full of valentines day goodies, and those who can set up a Willa Wonka chocolate factory. (The greek gods and goddesses)

Hypothesis: Valentines Day is part of the circle of life.

How this works:

Situation 1 (No valentine's day):

All the good looking people get married. All their children are good looking. Infidelity increases. Plastic surgeon's are out of business. Extreme Makeover stops showing. Superman comics finally stop printing and the world ends.

Situation 2 (With valentine's day)

The world doesn't end. Scouts still exist. I am happy.

How this works:

Step 1: Greek gods and goddesses get bountiful harvest of chocolate.

Step 2: Greek gods and goddesses consume bountiful harvest of chocolate.

Step 3: Greek gods and goddesses become obese, unfit sloths.

Step 4: Geek gods and goddesses now rule the earth as the new Greek gods and Goddesses.

Step 5: The circle of life is maintained.

Of course the fact that I have been dateless on valentines day for the past 17 years seems to cast some doubt on this theory. On a side note, if you actually believe this crap please seek help. On the other hand if you believe that the world will end when Superman stops printing call me and we can be best fwends.

Moving on to more rational things, yesterday was actually quite a boring day. Spent most of it doing my Wonder Woman monotype, went out for class dinner and then went back to school to pass dinner to lorraine. Joshua joined me at this point and he decided to crash my house. Since it was around 11 p.m. at that point, we decided to just climb the gate and heck care.

Sneaking out towards the canteen, we soon spotted a security guard coming towards us. Swift as a sparrow we changed course to the toilet and pretended we were drinking water so he wouldn't think we were trying to climb the canteen gate. Of course there is a human limit to how long one can drink water so after a while I stopped and filled up my water bottle. And then I filled up Joshua's water bottle. And then I drank more water. And more water. Just as I was about to explode, the security guard vanished into the toilet and we dashed off towards the canteen, like the ultra cool super spies we were pretending to be. Creeping towards the canteen fence with our ninja like stealth, we threw our bags over the fence, swiftly climbed the fence, vaulted over onto the temple wall and leaped down with a soft thud.

Ultra cool baby.

Looking at each other with exhilaration and excitement, we sneaked off silently into the night. Soon enough though, I realised my ninja compatriot was no longer next to me, but had paused a few meters behind me, staring at the unlocked gate we had never bothered to check.

Life is tough.

Today

Today was TAKE5. Had fun just repeatedly strolling around, taking in the sea breeze and being moderately anti social. Watched the nice performances, got owned in captains ball, fought joshua twice on the stick fighting thing, went roller blading, injured myself repeatedly, had a very nice long sit by the seaside chatting, went to a hong kong restaurant for lunch, took a long bus ride home.

Yup that about sums it up. Not a bad day.

Tata.

(I have no idea what dipuc means. I bet you googled it.)

2008-02-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

Hello dudes and happy chinese new year. Celebrate for the time has come again when we embrace the bounty of chinese cultural goodies bestowed upon us on this happy day, a.k.a the ang paos and the snacks. Slept at a rather monstrous hour doing my art assignment, and I know this because a certain nocturnal creature of the night fell asleep before me, a remarkable and rare occurrence that will probably never happen again save for copious amounts of red bull. To all art students out there: jiayou for art assignment, and try not to feel too sad that I have finished it.

Woke up at some horrifying hour this morning, surprisingly refreshed despite the dearth of sleep. Despite my scouting constitution I have never been, and never will, be able to survive on 4 hours of sleep. If you can you are either a) a monster or b) sleep in every lecture, though probably more of the former seeing as i do the latter practically everyday anyway despite a healthy 7-8 hours of sleep each day. Yes, I am a lazy sloth. poo poo.

Went of to the temple first thing in the morning before proceeding to some relative's house. As for how exactly I am related to this relative I do not know, and recall nothing despite visiting them each year save the fact that her house has a talking fish which sings chinese new year songs. The fact that the thing I anticipate most about these yearly visits is saying hi to the talking fish seems to speak rather sadly about my social skills. Ah well.

Next we moved on to my grandma's house, shook hands with a bundle of relatives I rarely see save one or two and sneaked off into the toilet to do my business, and by that i mean finish watching the last 3 mins of "Music and Lyrics' on my brothers ipod classic without appearing like an antisocial misfit. After that I scooted out and went to chat with my cousin, on various fun topics like which dota hero has the highest strength gain.

Following that, we went to another relatives house, the big big one where I had a buffet lunch which included suckling pig, that rarest of delicacies. I took the prescribed two pieces, chomped them down in a few seconds and watched as my cousins poked at theirs' wincing with each spurt of oil that accompanied their prodding of the unsightly looking piece of meat. Gallantly sensing their distress, I offered to dispose of the meat for them so that they might escape the embarrassment of wasting food when hungry children in Africa are drinking ditch water for lunch. I suppose all you cynical folks out there are dismissing my kind attentions, calling me an immoral, shameless greedy, meat chomping lard machine. Shame on you.

Haha, so I am an immoral, shameless greedy, meat chomping lard machine. Sue me.

Following this rather sumptuous lunch, went into some aircon room where me, laodi and cousins played a few rounds of blackjack. Being a motley brave and foolhardy crew, laodi and co. happily took cards on 16s,17s and 18s leaving me to rake up the moolah. Halfway throughout the game, our ears were suddenly racked by a horrifying, tortured, ear piercing scream.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!!""

*bam* door flys open. Father and Aunt dash in.

Father: "What happened?? Everyone ok?"

Auntie: "Fa shen she me shi????? Mei shi ma???"

Stunned into silence for a moment, all of us just mutely stared at the perpetrator of the wilhelm scream.

With a sheepish glance on his face my cousin held out two cards, and said very softly: "black jack?"

*second stunned silence*

Aunt: "Oh, erm.. ok. ok.......yeah ok.."

And with that they both strode out of the room looking thoroughly confused.

Far be it for me to suppose how winning 20 cents in a game of 21 could incite such heart palpitating excitement but I shall take note never to play bingo with him in the future. My heart can't take it.

After that we went to my aunts house, stoned there for an hour or so, went home, bathed and left for vegetarian dinner.

The restaurant was in Coronation Plaza and the food was mostly damn nice. Its damn amazing how they can make stuff that looks like and tastes like meat but is actually vegetarian. As my mind struggled against the universal childhood rule that all veggies taste like crap, I found myself enjoying not only the mock suckling pig (I ate this with a great deal of guilt free relish I can assure you) but the normal vegetables also. Kind of contrary to the whole greedy, meat chomping lard machine image I know.

After dinner we went home, and I played an hour or so of black jack and poker with my family, bringing my total winnings for the day to a hefty 15 dollars. Laodi is the shittiest poker player on the planet. His poker face is the equivalent of a mind reading machine. Daigor as usual acted like the scum of the earth he is and cheated his way to a hefty sum as well. Well done daigor, I see the rigours of army have neither whittled the craftiness of your mind nor cleaned the decrepit pits of your filthy soul.

Kk, then, off to bed. Blogging is a cathartic process. Been feeling angsty for the past few days for a few reasons. But as I have promised myself, I shall not angst on my blog to random people I might not know, so suffice to say I am feeling rainbows and sunshine again, and this morbid and unnatural pimple on my personality is fading away.

Tata people.

Wombats are cool.

Napfa approaches. I shall get SBJ C this year and finally claim my gold. If I don't, slap me.

Not too hard.

2008-01-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey. I'm actually blogging a mere two weeks after my last post. Which in essence means I'm really bored, but not bored enough to cross the threshold that is my high mugging activation energy. Its been almost one month into the start of school, and already reported sightings of muggers in the canteen are stressing me out.

It all began one harmless break. I had moved off to buy myself a nice cup of teh bing and enjoy a quiet reading of my reader's digest when the glint of a GC entered the corner of my eye. Turning around I soon realised that

everyone.

was.

mugging.

everyone.

The muggers, the slackers, the cleaners, the store 5 Auntie, and even the Seven Eleven guy were all poring over notes and tutorials like there was no tomorrow.

(Of course why they'd choose to mug on the last day of their existence is a conundrum on the order of why someone would play dota minutes after fracturing their wrist.)

Staggering away to my classroom, I was even more horrified to discover that Joshua's physics notes were totally foreign to me, and that walking into a class and sitting next to the hottest girl there does not constitute Super Positioning. Only the fact that Royce Yap still plays DOTA pulled me back from the brink of insanity. While recovering from the shock, I quickly penned out a mugging schedule that is now sitting on my desk like a loathsome wart that refuses to go away.

Sigh, off to Superpositioning 1 then. Tata Folks.

To the multitude of people who seem to be falling sick: Get well soon and please don't pass it to me.

02JAM is a fun game. Go play it

Ode to a One Arm Fracture

The time has come, the walrus said,
to speak of many things.
Of deformity,
abnormality,
of broken wrists and slings.

This story starts, as stories do,
with one boy born without a clue,
and with a brain so bird brained that,
it flew off with a coo.

This cannot be, this would not do,
why born this fool, this wretched pest.
On so on his birth, I must confess,
we shipped the twit off to the zoo.

For years he stood there like a stone,
As people called him "Dumbblock Wood"
But sticks and stones might break his bones,
but words he never understood.

Years went by, they passed so fast,
the creature grew into a teen.
Till one day, he escaped at last,
shocking no one whom he passed,
Albeit though, on Halloween.

He walked for years on forest track,
one step forward, one step back.
Why this way's a mystery,
though knowing him, I must suspect,
his two braincells could not agree.

Eventually, the sea he reached,
he lay there like a monster leech.
But as he stoned there on the beach,
whale activists dashed into reach.

They fought and fought with all their will,
to push him back into the sea,
but as they did, he scrapped his knee,
and caused the regions first oil spill.

He went on to join 01 Scouts,
(a manly lot, there is no doubt).
We watered him through rainless drought,
and waited for the boy to sprout.

It was no trouble, we did not mind,
though he did not have a mind,
The rain would fall, the sun would shine,
and it would creep up like a vine

One day then, that fateful one,
we decided we would have some fun.
And so we left for eastern shores,
eager for cycling galore

But the stupid twit, he went on strike
he did not want to ride a bike,
Roller blading, that he liked,
and so he did, the moron tyke.

He bladed slow, we cycled fast,
he grabbed on to us as we passed,
Gave a yank and then zoomed past,
he screamed out like a little girl,
slipped and fell in one big twirl,
and so his arm went in a cast.

So boys and girls, please listen well,
Heed the warning tale I tell,
Unless you number one brain cell,
(This description should least ring a bell)
Or wish an early long farewell,
Or dwell for months in one-armed hell,
I advise you not to follow Royce,
His imbecilic obtuse choice,
For that at least, we’ll all rejoice.

2008-01-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

Greetings dudes, dudettes and everything in between. Hold your gasps of surprise for yes, I have returned to the blogosphere. Its been a busy and eventful holidays of angsty fun and happy worrying, but as of now all seems right with the world, the birds are singing, the sleigh bells ringing and I feel happy.

In an update on my personal life, I am happy to announce I am finally 17, or 5 and 2/3 years if you're a hiok/wenyu/scout. Had a fun filled birthday where we celebrated our unique bond of friendship, trust and love by spraying bullets at each other in between whoops of fiendish glee. Nothing says half a decade of friendship like knifing someone in the back. Just ask Jonyee. For the uninitiated a.k.a the double x chromosomes, I refer to the glorious game called Counter Strike.

Of course we played other games like dota and well, dota. And we did other things like, well dinner and lunch. Actually I skipped lunch. In our defense, 7 hours plus of lanning is alot more fufilling than it sounds. Really.

In the blink of an eye our Scouting term is over. Lest I forget, I shall record down A brief history of my scouting career. Or rather the highlights. Non GC'07 members might want to to skip this part.

Scoutman - Year one: Secondary 2

First day of scouts after one year of softball. As fun as whacking balls around might seem, I concluded that I could probably do so more times in one game of pinball than I ever would in Softball. And so it was with a heavy heart (I spent close to three hundred on the equipment) that I moved to scouting.

Alvin Yong and Hiok Hong scissors paper stonned, and I got posted to Falcon, home of the Si Da Tian Wangs. I cant remember what the act was, but I do remember that when it was announced everyone started cheering like chipmunks on speed. The PLs started pumping for latecomers, and everyone was laughing and smiling. Even the PLs. Whether this was because they were high or that they were sadomasochists I will never know, but that was the moment I fell in love with scouting.

After that of course was a run where I first got to know some fei called Royce Yap, introduced to me as the MAN (or idiot in my personal opinion) who carried 10 kg worth of firewood during GTC. For those who wish to hear this story of utter stupidity, go find him yourself. Mark Goh I had already known, but I remember meeting Tee Yong as well, this small pipsqueak of a guy. That was of course before he exposed himself to gene therapy, growth hormones and whatever dark magic he used to grow into the telephone pole he is today.

*Royce on the other hand, has been tan huaning since his Judo days, as his strength dwindles to mortal proportions. I attribute this to a lack of sunlight, air, water and fertilizer. (Though i don't see how he can lack the latter being so full of it himself.)

The next few activities are mostly a hazy blur in my mind so I shall not mention them. Next came SUTC which is also a blur, (thankfully) though I can remember having a broken left wrist throughout that entire ordeal. After that came Campfire Prep, where I, as art students always are, was placed into souvenir comm. Thus begins an epic tale which should be heard from the pyro man Mark Goh himself, but which I will tell you anyway.

We were faced with the problem of sealing twenty wine glass filled with water and sparkly gell, which due to the narrow towards the mouth nature of the wine glass and the need for the seal to be waterproof was harder than it sounds. Eventually I thought of lowering melted wax into the water filled wine glass so that it would float on top of the water and solidify covering the water and forming a cover of some sorts. And thus began the great wax melting operation where we filled mess tins with candles and melted them over a bunsen burner. This is where history fades, and legend begins....

As fate would have it, one little mess tin was left unattended as the candles melted and a layer of oil formed at the top. Wax oil being oil, murphy's law being law and scouts being scouts and all, this layer of oil caught fire. So now we have a flaming mess tin atop a bunsen burner fueled by a gas canister. Wow. I dedicate the following encounter to whoever says physics is unimportant.

Mark Goh: "Omg! There is a fire! I shall put it out with water!"

Saunters over with a cup of water in his hand.

Its said that time slows down when you're near death. Its true.

Me and Bennett: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

*splash!*

*poof*

(Its amazing how threatening a little poof can sound.)

What followed next was an orgy of fire, metal, and pieces of Mark Goh.* We held a minute of silence to mourn for the bombed mess tin and charred floor tiles before sweeping away the pieces of Mark Goh and dumping them in the trash.

*I say now that only an imbecile pours water on an oil fire and if you don't know why please Google it. We all have our imbecilic moments of course, mine many more than others. It's just that I don't normally cause explosions during them. Or fracture my right wrist for that matter.

**On a side note I have just killed two bloody (ha ha) mosquitoes with one whack of my trusty Superman comic book. Such is the power of the Man of Steel. Bow down and shudder in awe.

Campfire itself came soon enough, though admittedly my main memory of that day was being told to make three prizes at the last minute and to replace one of the souvenirs which had been knocked down by some careless guide who has to this day still not apologized to me. Hmph. If you're out there reading this I'm always available for a personal apology session. :) Besides that of course was daigor's (among others) spirited roaring of the haka, a video which to this day still makes no sense, and some girl smiling at me asking for my number. Ok, I lied about the last one.

After campfire then came: ANNUAL CAMP. WOO.

Officially one of the most fun, (and the most fun camp) periods of my life. I shall note down a few choice anecdotes that I can recall from writing plogs.

First Day

It was almost lunch time and our kitchen table was barely done. Just as we were about to start feasting to improve our morale, a dull black bird descended from the skies and landed on one of our boards. A dull plop could almost be heard as he decided to relieve himself then and there. Viewing this as a bad omen, our morale took another blow as we continued to tie our structures.

After lunch, was Stupid Quiz, a game where we answered questions to gain points. Duh. Choosing mainly questions from the sports and science categories and general, we mostly got easy questions like how many goals has Michael Owen scored in every football match against a team with the letter e, h or z in its title, or how many quarks are there in a human body.

Later at night, me, Alvin Yong, Tee Yong and Bennett were tying the ninja traps for out gateway (don't ask me why its called that). Finally after much hard work we lifted the netting up and rested it slowly on the ground. Wiping our sweat we gazed up at it with pride and adoration, before gazing down and realising it was hovering. Alvin Yong collapsed on the ground and started twitching uncontrollable, staring with vacant eyes at the offending leg while Bennet paced around shouting "Why the $#%$#% is it hovering"

After much work, we finally stopped it from hovering. Gazing once again with pride and adoration at the thing our reverie was stopped short by a puny sec 1 who walked up and said: "Eh, quite slanted hor." Alvin Yong collapsed once more to the ground, his body wracked with spasm. In an inhuman display of strength that would make hiok proud, he charged towards the offending pole and wrenched it sideways with a hulk like grunt. That worked and we retired for the night, our moral steadied only by the Picasso work of art that was the Kingfisher gateway.

Second Day

The next day, the skied were cloudy and Alvin had left to buy food. Shortly after arriving back. Alvin Yong looked up to the sky and said: “hey! I think there’s going to be a light drizzle.” Minutes later, we were left fighting to keep the kitchen tent from collapsing under the onslaught of H20. Teko’s were propped up everywhere to stop the rain from collecting in the folds of the kitchen tent. Thunder and lightning blazed every few seconds. It was at this moment when Alvin Yong proceeded to say: “I was right.”

Because of the rain, we went to do some funny activities which I can no longer remember, after which was dinner.

Upon preparing for dinner, Alvin Yong mentioned nonchantly to me: “eh! Zhen Yang! Later the dinner you cook everything ok?”

After which point I stared innocently at him gave a blank look and said: “But I dunno how to cook”

“Wad the *$@%$# I thought I left you in charge of the $^*$#@ meals.”

“Huh? I thought you asked me to prepare recipe only wad?”

And thus for the third time this camp Alvin Yong collapsed into a seizure and fell twitching at our feet. Greatly demoralized we realized that no one in our patrol was a good cook. We then proceeded on a quest to utterly destroy our appetite forever as we mercilessly tenderized the eggs, beat the potatoes, and mashed the meat. Alvin than proceeded to sink into a terminal depression as he realised our meal faced certain doom.

Next up was SKILL O RAMA of which I can remember nothing except that we won. Yay.

Third Day

We had cross country and erm... cooking! For the first I can remember nothing. For the latter I can remember two. First of these was the fact that every omelet i touched turned into scrambled eggs, a difficult skill that can only be attained after many years of not practicing. The second I shall lift from plogs:

After clearing up the stuff, Chin Yang took a rag to go and clean the table and other things. Suddenly Tee Yong shouted: “@#$%#!! CHIN YAAANG!!! I USED THAT *^$@# TOWEL TO WIPE THE BIRD SHIT** OF THE BOARD. DUN USE IT!!!”

“Oops.”

After eating and clearing up we proceeded to the classroom where the J1s briefed us on what wrath of the phoenix was about. There were two activities that made up some activity called WRATH OF THE PHOENIX. The first one involved answering the answer to the previous question. Whoever got through all ten rounds wins. Here’s an Example:

Joseph: How old are you?
Royce: .....
Joseph: How many girlfriends you have?
Royce: 14
Joseph: What's your IQ?
Royce: 0

And so on and so forth. The second game was some price guessing game I cannot remember.

Fourth Day

We woke up to blue skies, green grass, and Royce Yap, more of Royce Yap than the rest. Had some stuff in morning, in afternoon and FOL in evening. If you haven't guessed by now I can only remember Festival of Lights, where I led the sec 2s in a frenzy of candle lighting. After a long time we finally lit all the candles and completed the design. At that moment, murphy's hand knocked over one of the tee lights which spilled wax onto the grazz, catching fire. Saving us all from the monstrous wrath of a single tee light, Bennet blew out the flame with a poof. He also blew out every other candle.

Like I said, its amazing how threatening one poof can sound.

We somehow got through the whole mess without dying. Of the other patrol's FOL, i can remember nothing except Jarrel GOh lighting some kerosene soaked torch, in the process lighting and killing several members of his patrol as he merrily waved the flaming torch around like a semaphore flag.

Fifth Day: Clean Up. Boring. That's all.

Wow. This is turning into some Annual Camp log.

As Annual Camp and Campfire were the two most memorable events of the year, I shall not go into the others overly much. Save that I remember mini olympics being fun, iron man being foam and cooking race being fos. Literally.

As for GTC, I shall not go too much into the sordid details of the whole thing, and like SUTC I shall condemn it to the pits of blocked memories. Actually it was quite fun and I'm just to lazy to go into the whole thing. Boo hoo.

Well that concludes the epic tale of my first year of scouting, and if I have forgotten anything than who cares because I don't have that much time. Its getting late and I shall continue Year 2, 3 and 4 at a later date.

Gc'07 ftw.

Tata.

2007-11-19T14:13:00.000+08:00

My years of scouting are coming to a close. Rather sad.

I dedicate this song, to the 01 scouts, who will probably be the only ones who understand it. Original lyrics found here

12 days of Camping ~ (sung to 12 days of Christmas)

On the first day of SUTC, STLs gave to me,

Push-ups for every bent knee.

On the second day of SUTC, the QMs gave to me,

Two cooking stoves,

and the cooks poisoned the trainees.

On the third day of SUTC, Mojojo-Ho gave to me,

Three (thousand) arm bends,

two sore hands,

and camp-times issues 3.

And on the first day of AC, AC prep gave to me,

four rotting shirts,

three dead pants,

two blistered hands,

and a whole lot of in-ju-ries.

On the second day of AC, the cookers gave to me,

FOOD POISONING,

four charcoal pills,

three crap meals,

two rusty stoves,

and s*** that seemed like p**.

On the third day of AC, patrol funds gave to me,

six bucks a spending,

FIVE COLD-ENED DRINKS,

for moralising,

three F&Ns,

two cola cans,

plus a jug of ice lemon tea.

On the fourth day of AC, pioneering gave to me,

seven knots a-tying,

six guys a-knotting,

FIVE BALLS OF STRING,

four broken limbs,

three OTTNs,

two shredded gloves,

and our structure collapsed on me.

On the fifth day of AC, the J1s gave to me,

night food a trailing,

FOL exploding,

campfire's burning,

SKILL-O-RAMA,

pa-trol cooking,

cross country,

auctioning house,

and a pepsi buying spree.

And on the first day of GTC, scout language gave to me,

Hiok Ciou a knotting,

Leonard a dotting,

Teeyong a foaming

Arnie a owning,

Eujin some bombing,

ROYCE YAP ZE ZONG,

chin yang's a dude,

fern's tan huan,

KX is ser,

and I swear quak said oh please.

And on the second day of GTC, Quak Wenyu gave to me,

beep beepbeep beepbeep,

beep beep beep beepbeep,

beepbeep beep beep beepbeep,

beep beep beep beepbeep,

BEEP BEEPBEEP BEEP,

beep beepbeep beep,

beep beep beep,

beep beepbeep beep,

and an arnie smiled in glee

And on the third day of GTC, the hiking gave to me,

eleven blisters dicing,

ten J1s sighing,

nine patrols dying,

eight hours hiking,

seven hours frying,

six feet a crying,

FIVE ITCHY STINGS,

four muscles dead,

three thighs bled,

two rotten toes,

and a love for maggie mee.

And on the last day of GTC, scouting's given to me,

twelve camps of foaming,

eleven months of owning,

ten hikes a roaming,

nine years of knotting,

eight years of dotting,

seven nights a calling,

six towers falling,

FIVE SONGS TO SING,

four campfires,

three squared friends (3^2) ,

two the end,

and a diminished vocabulary.

The End.

sigh.

I don't know but I've been told...

tata.

P.S. This was booomb hard to write. Tried to keep as closely to the rhyming of the original song. Ah well. One can try.

2007-10-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

Promotional exams are over. Its here that the utter incapability of online text in representing emotions shows itself, for within that miserly 4 words seethes joy of the highest order. I totally died for Chem and Physics, and I do state now that would mean getting a B for me. My A lar, A lar, A, A, A, wishsong has evaporated. Ah well.

Mugging was the most sian experience of my life, consisting at one point of mugging from 11 - 12 everyday. I'll presume even the more simpler minded people will realise I don't aim for 5As with one hour of mugging a day, so I'll leave the am/pms omitted. In any case, 4 weeks of that is enough to sap any mortal man of all wit and creativity, and that fact that I spent 3 weeks of it mugging in MacDonalds bodes well not for NAPFA next year as well. Intellectual inferiority and horizontal superiority aside, most of those 4 weeks went by in a blur. And not a fast one either.

In any case, i crossed the final hurdle yesterday after handing in my art sculpture, after a horrifying 2 hours of sleep in as many nights.

Anyway, on to the main point of this post. Lately it has come to my attention that a small group of infidels have come to champion a belief of the highest injustice. This dubious, spurious, specious view askew, fallacious, erroneous, salacious untrue, I cast it down into the pits of falsehood and noobness. It has redefined my opinion of human ignorance and having just coached laodi in physics it takes alot to do that.

(On an unrelated side note, laodi's physics exam is tomorrow, and having just coached him it appears sans selling our house and releasing every bird in bird park, his A (to put it nicely) is soaring away as well. Good luck laodi, please own everything else.)

Back to this apoplexy inducing statement. Seat down, take a deep breath and calm your nerves as I force myself to type it out.

Batman totally owns Superman.

Scream. Panic. Weep. Yes, sorrow of sorrows, people (oh poor misguided sheep) actually believe this absurdity. I was browsing through some groups on facebook when I discovered such themed groups existed. Not one or two of them. MILLIONS of them. (Russell Peters rocks). It was almost more than my pudgy (yes, I'm manly no more) constitution could take.

No offense to Batman fans. I love Batman, I really do. I think he is the second coolest hero. If you still can't deduce who takes the numero uno spot tell me and I'll up my pet rock a notch in my intelligence list. The heavy burden thus falls on my shoulders - to enlighten the world to the truth, as obvious as it should be to all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Superman owns Batman - the definitive guide by ohcy

Point 1: Superman has a super in his name while Batman has a bat.

I believe the majority should get the hint, but for the obstinate, stubborn few, I shall illustrate further. Super owns Bat. There is no contest. One is imba, ultra, better than the rest. The other is a flying rat with fangs and mountains of poop. I'll leave you the dignity of drawing the appropriate conclusion. If you still don't believe me, I happily invite you to set up a food stall selling bat wings, bat slushies and bat burgers. I'll be having fun selling super wings/ slushies/ burgers in the stall next to you.

Point 2: Batman is a manly man. Superman is the manly man.

Sure all you idiots (not just you Joshua) out there think Batman is cooler because he "fights crime without superpowers" and is thus more imba than Superman who does. When push comes to shove however, I and (admit it to yourselves) you, would rather be Superman.

Observe:

Batman: "Haha villian with gun! I'm beating the crap out of you without superpowers! I'm smoking cool baby!"

Bang.

Silence.

I rest my case.

Point 3: Batman can buy diamonds. Superman can make them.

Self-explanatory.

Point 4: Batman is emo. Superman is not.

Batman is emo. Don't deny it. He makes Buttercup look like Bubbles. I'm not saying he has no reason to be. He does. Just don't tell me you'd rather talk to Batman than Superman.

Example:

S: "Yo dude."

B: "....."

S: "Watssup?"

B: "......"

S: "Jingle Bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! The batmobile, broke a wheel, and the Joker got away..... hey!"

B: "..............."

Conversation scintillating on the highest order.

Point 5: Batman has kryptonite, Superman has lead.

The big cahoona. The argument that all noobs use in the end: Batman can own Superman with Kryptonite. Depending on continuity, there are perhaps a few hundred pounds of kryptonite on "Earth" and a couple of billion tonnes of lead. For a more apt comparison, try to set fire to a person next to a swimming pool. Unless he's mentally retarded I wish you a thousand birds luck as well.

Point 6: Superman can fly. Batman swings.

Its a dream we've all had. Flying through the sky effortlessly, pirouetting and twisting as you soar through the air, pelting Jerry Loy with water bombs and pianos. Or at least the first part. As fun as swinging around the city like a modern day Tarzan (no boyi, not you) might be, flying still rocks like some bomb. That in itself, makes mosquitoes, houseflies and cockroaches cooler than Batman, and as my momma always used to say, if an insect is cooler than you, you in deep shit.

Point 7: Superman fights intergalactic tyrants. Batman fights clowns.

Once again, self explanatory.

Point 8: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

I have no idea.

Point 9: Superman can own Batman in 2.4.

Its not just about the super speed. Not that super speed isn't a delightful trait to have in light of Promos, but the reason for this undeniable claim lies deeper within the heart of things.

Why?

Because in a race, when Superman Returns, Batman Begins.

Sorry, I just felt like including that joke somewhere.

Finally:

I have saved my best for last. Here now, I present to you the final point to hammer in the final nail in the coffin for this ignominious claim. Doubters doubt no further, for with this point you shall see the light, Superman will once again reign your sorry universe, and all will be right with the world.

Point 10: Superman was a Scout

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In conclusion, there can be no doubt that Superman is da bomb, and Batman is da bomb, but Superman bomb owns da bomb that is Batman.

I love scouts language.

To sum it all up, I do declare that the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, and that the woodchuck chucked as much wood as the woodchuck could, if the woodchuck could chuck wood.

Tata.

I love wombats.

(dedicated to SG)

2007-09-08T00:48:00.000+08:00

Ode to a Friend - Dedicated to Royce Zong

Every time I see your face,
I doubt you're of the human race,
So were you always born that way
Or were you bludgeoned by a mace

You rabid dog, you mindless gnoll,
your less a man, than mountain troll,
and your student ID card,
could be a poster for birth control

Your dumb and dumberer, mashed with fool
An amoeba could count your IQ
Evolution's gone insane
Or god is being really cruel

We should just harvest your organs
You've been brain dead since conception
And you better pray to god
you never meet a vegetarian

You're a curl, a pig, a spineless knave
and Darwin's turning in his grave
and if you drowned this very morning
then your wallet would be all I'd save

Every time I look at you
(which I try hard not to do)
I'd wish I was double O seven
For then I'd have license to kill

If king kong's big, then you're the bigger
You'd make a whale look like a grouper
On the moon, I 'd have to venture
Just to take, your passport picture

Euthanasia's for the common good,
and I would do so if I could
And people round you touch your head,
If ever they need say touch wood

~ohcy

touche?

To royce: Notice I left out some of the more interesting content I could have used, and give thanks. :)

2007-08-11T12:26:00.001+08:00

Hello people, i have returned after that not so long hiatus. Happy National Day people, tis the time to wave your little plastic flags and sing those corny at any other time Singapore songs before cynicism overtakes us for another year. Go Singapore! Now that I have fulfilled the mandatory requirements of patriotism, lets move on to the other happenings of the week.

Tuesday

All of us were celebrating the start of the long holiday and were eagerly anticipating the concert later. Sister Grace on the other hand, was celebrating something else with even greater enthusiasm, although none of us knew why. On a totally unrelated side note Mr Cheong came back for GP lesson that day.

After school ended a bunch of them came over to crash my house, though Sister Grace was ostensibly missing. Probably at the staffroom consulting someone on GP. Sister Grace, we salute your determination. To your studies I mean. After tromping all the way up Mount Braddell, most of them suddenly decided they would rather play in the playground, leaving jon and ben to battle it out on my PS2.

Played with all the normal stuff on the playground, though everyone seemed to clamour for the swing. Woe be us, two 9 year old girls were already swinging and refused to get off for the guys, only letting the girls swing. They were even telling feminist jokes.

Girl 1: "How many guys does it take to change a light bulb?"
Girl 2: "None, the girls can do it on their own"

This of course, made Miss Loy very happy and she quickly accepted both of them into her "Girls rule, Boys drool" club. Joshua on the other hand, seemed a lot more angst. I was indifferent. I mean, if you want to change my light bulb so badly then please by all means do. I'll just make myself a hot cocoa, laze on the sofa and watch.

Eventually though, Edith returned after a walk around my estate and we all left the playground. Naturally Joshua was muttering under his breath about naughty girls and selfish swingers all the way up. I on the other hand, fail to see what's so bad about naughty girls.

We soon returned to school, where 6R swiftly cemented its reputation as laggiest class in the school. It was 6:35 already and I felt a rather large sense of urgency as we were supposed to be at track at 6:30. Teachers and councilors were buzzing around asking everyone to leave, but naturally most of 6R was still gathered around the canteen tables chatting. Soon enough, most of the people had left and we were still stoning at the canteen tables. Just as I thought we couldn't be anymore lag, Ben merrily appeared touting several bowls of mee siam.

Ben: "wait wait. there's alot more food coming."

-.-"""""""""

Figures that our class would be the only class to lag in eating when every other class was lagging in leaving.

Had concert after that, went supper, went home. Nothing very interesting.

Wednesday

I woke up. I lived. I went back to sleep. Yay.

Thursday

Ice skating with Art class! Whee. Met up with Yen, Ge and Ben for skating. Surprisingly Yen and Ben both picked it up very fast, unlike another associate of mine whom I shall not mention. After skating for 45 mins, my feet hurt likeabomb, and I stopped out of sheer pain. Once I stopped and sat down, the problem became obvious and I switched the shoes on my feet. In my defense its a mistake anyone could have made, albeit during kindergarden.

Went to crash Ge's house after that, watched tv and played with her hamsters. Lorraine came over as well and got mauled by a rather vicious hamster who tried to bite her finger off, splattering blood on Ge's couch. Poor couch. Reacting instantly, she flung the hamster off her finger where it crash landed in some corner of the room. Poor hamster. Ge took a long while to find it too. Poor Ge.

Ge soon had to leave so we all tramped off, and I took a bus back with Yen, who made me promise along the way to blog about the whole fiesta.

Rather bomb busy.

Tata.

2007-07-28T20:59:00.001+08:00

Hello people. This is just a short and simple post to announce that I, ohcy, shall be taking a hiatus from blogging. As you may have been noticed, i really have nothing to blog about these days. So, unless u really enjoy listening to me describing the exhilarating story of paint drying (in my 16 dollars pants no less) there is no real point in me blogging now. Go on then, scurry back to your mundane/highly interesting lives, and don't ask me why I've stopped blogging, which actually, if you weren't doing in the first place there would be no need for this post. Fret not, for all I know laodi might sprout an extra head tomorrow or my tutorials magically finish themselves, but alas things rarely go as such, no matter how badly we might need them to. Expect to see me back in a few weeks, unless inspiration suddenly strikes me like one hour later in which case ill do this sort of posts more often.

On an interesting side note, I have just been sent a email from the Lingerie Dept. Manly as i am, what need have I for lingerie. I should probably be polite and reply that they've sent it to the wrong person. Sigh, that means I'll have to open the mail to thoroughly check its contents first. All that girly unmanly lingerie draped around girly unmanly models. Ah well, the sacrifices we manly men make.

slurp.

Tata.

2007-07-22T13:30:00.000+08:00

Hello people, its been a while. Time for another update. Went to queue up for Harry Potter on Friday, found many people who seemed to think dressing up as loony and going "its the nargles!" would promote any reaction other then =.=" In other news, on the behest of a friend I walked into some shop called SASA to buy lip gloss. Sigh, to have descended so low. As to be expected, the sight of a 16 year old manly male teen walking into a frilly pink shop to buy lip gloss raised many stares from the general public, girls and guys alike, though its the latter group that concerns me more, for reasons best left unsaid.

To make matters worse, every product had a disgustingly girly name. In any other situation i would have no opposition to that, but the fact that I had to buy them changes things somewhat. I wish they had cooler names. Somehow I wouldn't mind buying Adamantium Silver or Optimus Prime blue as much as pretty butterfly rainbow starry flower crystalline pink. On a side note, i had no money so i had to make a purchase with nets, which my mum checks every so often, though I'll suppose I'll know exactly when when my parents start switching laodi to a mix school, and daigor finally admits kinship with me.

Queuing up was quite fun, interesting experience to say the least. Though certain people with no life insisted upon during their math tutorials while waiting instead of chatting and having fun, leaving me bored out of my wits at those times. Sigh, who does math tutorial at such a time lar. No childhood.

Soon 7:01 approached, and the festivities started. Some cheer leading group went around cheering and people dressed as harry potter characters started walking around, though its the cheer leading that amused me more. Lets give an actual cheer they used:

H-A-R-Y (this is not a typo)
Harry Potter is the one!

Repeat infinitum.

I am once again amazed at the creativity and lyrical exquisiteness of such a cheer, clearly influenced by works such as I Am So Very Tired by Jerry Loy.

Left for scouts after that, had mini Olympics where I discovered a new found respect for referees.

Kk, extremely busy these days so I shan't post more. Perhaps another day then. Tata for now, don't expect to see me soon. If you're sian go play this.

Fun stuff.

2007-07-07T14:31:00.000+08:00

Hello folks, yes its that time of the month again when I'm too bleargh to do a proper post and bored enough to actually go blog. I thus present to you the monthly Ask ohcy column, where i shall answer quizzes from various blogs because I'm a lazy sloth and can't be bothered to go find my own.

Lubbed this from Jane's blog.

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Superman

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your trolley?
I'm a guy. The only shopping i do is limited to 7-11 and hardware shops.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
You assume too much.

4. Do you play Sudoku?
You assume too little.

5. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
8 years in scouts thanks.

6. Do you like tongue rings?
Obviously. How can I ever ignore the clear benefits of having a gaping hole in your tongue.

7. Could you ever date someone with different religious beliefs?
Yes, though I am confident automobile man Daigor has much to say on the above subject.

8. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Since I doubt my Nobel prize will spontaneously graft itself onto me, I'll presume this is referring to relationships . Obviously the latter. If you prefer the former to the latter you're either a sick freak or a workaholic.

9. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
I am ohcy

10. Do any songs make you cry?
Strawberry shortcake

11. Are you continuing your education?
nope, i intend to get 4As for my A level and then go be a road sweeper for the next 50 years.

12. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
=.=" Yup, and for those sad folk who do not, i shall now give a course on just exactly how to perform this intricate and extremely complex maneuver:

Step one: Pull the trigger.

Step two: Repeat step one

Whether or not you end up blowing a hole through your tongue upon shooting it is none of my business

13. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you'd save?
My first answer was myself, but after reading the answers on other blogs, I have now learned that the first thing to save should be your handphone, wallet and valuables. After a while you'll learn to ignore the minor side effect of dying an slow, agonizing, tortuous and painful death.

14. Who were the last 3 people you shared a bed with?
Floppy ears, Fleecy and Pooh. (Few will understand this.)

15. What colour are your eyes?
For now i shall try and suppress my irritation at seeing a question on colour in every bloody blog survey I've ever done.

16. How tall are you?
2 out of 3 ain't bad

17. What colour is your hair?
=.="

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
for anything else,
screw you.

18. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
No.

19. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yup, both passport photos and neoprints, though the latter is more digital plastic surgery then a real photo.

20. When was the last time you were at the mall?
2 hours ago.

21. Favourite ex?
Louis. Another lame obscure reference that probably no one gets.

22. Do you like mustard?
Dunno. tried it once but I can't remember how it tastes like.

23. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Eating. With the possible exception of certain camps where there's no difference since the food i eat keeps me up all night anyway.

24. Do you look like your mum or dad?
I look like my Dad, but he's a married man so too bad for you.

25. How long does it take you to shower?
3-25 minutes, depending on:
a)How dirty I am
b)How tired I am
c)How cold it is

Daigor on the other hand, has an indefinite range proportionate to how much I need to use the toilet at that particular time.

26. Can you do the splits?
No and I never will.

27. What movie do you want to see right now?
Transformers, a.k.a. "Robots in the sky" in the words of a certain Mr. Quak who has somehow misheard the theme for the last 17 years.

28. Do you own a camera phone?
I owned a camera phone. 3 actually. As to what happened to them I shall leave that up for interpretation.

29. Was your mum a cheerleader?
Don't think so. Sigh. I shall now try to avoid imagining my mum prancing around with her pom poms like a chipmunk on drugs.

30. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
6-8? I once again thank my parents for moving me within a 7 min walk of RJC.

31. What do you buy at the movies?
Popcorn and drinks.

32. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Usually. It helps to keep me slim.

33. What do you wear to sleep?
The first thing off my cupboard after i bath. I generally avoid sleeping in the nude with my arctic winds aircon.

34. Anything big ever happen in your town?
4 million smiles campaign. The event of the millenium.

35. Do you like your hair straight or curly?
Straight.

36. Is your lip pierced?
=.=" I suppose it would make even more sense to have a gaping hole through your lip.

37. Do you like funny or serious people better?
A mix is best, though at the proper times. I probably wouldn't like you if you were howling with laughter at my funeral.

38. Do you like the rain?
Depends on the occasion.
If i were snug in bed listening to the gentle rainfall caress my ears then :).
If my house was on fire and i was burning to death because i was trying to save my handphone and wallet then :D.
If I'm having a barbecue then =.=".

39. Ocean or pool?
Ocean.

40. What's your favourite drink?
The drink of Champions.

41. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy?
If so then I'd either have been a very unhappy straight kid for the past 10 years or a very happy gay one.

42. Do you like pink?
Odd. Thats like the third time I've been asked that question in 3 days. 知心 club ftw.

And this is from Tee Yong's.

HONEST AND EMOTIONAL SURVEY
1.Honestly what color is your shirt?-

2. Honestly, whats on your mind?-
42

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?-
I have no idea because obviously I can't be doing this blogpost.

4. Honestly, have you ever been in love ? -
Not in the true sense of the word, which is more then i can say for certain associates of mine who swoon with every radcake they see.

5. Honestly, have you done something bad today?-
Yes.

6. Honestly, do you watch disneychannel?-
Yes. And all those people who tell you they don't actually do, either because they like it (me) or they crush Kim possible.

7.Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Laodi.

8.Honestly, are you jealous of somebody right now?-
Nope, though the same cannot be said for a friend of mine this morning. I shall not divulge why.

9. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?-
See question 1.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?-
No. Think of how many manicures that would mean.

11. Honestly, do you use anyone?-
Laodi? Its a mutual sort of thing.

12. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?-
Yes.

13. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't like?-
Sure. Plenty of them. I just love making friends with people I despise.

14. Honestly, do you love someone very much?-
Beyond my family and the usual narcissism, no.

15. Honestly, does anyone like you?-
dunno. Probably not.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad?-
I turn green, rip my shirt and smash stuff.

2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?-
Scream at someone? Though I suppose that's just normal volume for most people.

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?-
Nope. People normally don't object to being spoken to at conversational volume

4. Do you swear when you're mad?-
nope, i swear. (sorry, the temptation was too great)

5. When was the last time you really cried?-
Last year, soon to be Monday when i get back physics.

6. Ever cried yourself to sleep?-
Once.

7. What usually makes you cry?-
Onions.

8. Are you normally a happy person?-
Yes.

9. Does being with your friends makes you happy?-
I'm can't be bothered to think of a sarcastic reply so I'll just say yes.

10. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?-
=.="""""""""" No, I'll burst into tears. Though I suppose this explains why I'm normally happy.

Waaaaah bomb. Sarcasm overload.

In other news i have just joined the extremely exclusive 知心 club after going through a grueling selection process.

Kk, back to work. toodles.

On a side note, laodi is now complaining that i should blog some stuff about how many girls have been chasing him and how generally imba he is. Sorry laodi, this is a blog after all, and despite certain exaggerations i try to keep to the facts.

2007-07-03T22:04:00.001+08:00

Hello folks, after a long absence I'm once again grace your computer screens. Haven't had anything to blog about in a long while, and still don't actually, but I'm bored stiff anyway so might as well do a normal post for once.

In recent news my dreams of a monosyllabic AAAA score for CTs is now but dust in the wind, and I'm reduced to praying for at least BBBC. Sadness. Getting back my first paper tomorrow, praying for an A, but looking at the scores of some of my friends classes and my predilection for carelessness..... Sigh, enough talk about dismal CT results, lets recount the happy post CT breaks.

My CTs officially ended on Thursday and i went to mope around in the artroom for a while after dying for physic. Met 2 of my classmates on the way, and left with a new found respect for CLL poetry. Afterwards Royce crashed my house, where we spent a merry few hours destressing after CTs in PS2 combat.

First up was some fighter pilot game, admittedly not exactly the best choice of game when your depressed over gravitation, circular motion and the eminent demise of your career as the next Einstein, sans the hair. True enough, gravity ended up doing most of my work for me as more often than not he suicide bombed his plane into some mountain. Gallantly interpreting this as depression over his Common Tests, I chose not to pursue the subject and shot him down a few more times for good measure. They say you can never have too much help. A few games later the score was tending towards a linear asymptote but I shall be nice and not reveal who was on the receiving end.

Next up was DIGIMON RUMBLE ARENA 2, a game in which he faired no better than before. In the end though we gave up the pointlessness (once again i shall be nice and not say why) of one to one battles and had some imba hard battle against some omega boss digimon. After many tries and hard fought battles, our teamwork was honed to perfection. With a great leap my Garurumon flew over the enemy, freezing him with a well timed Arctic Breath while Royce followed up with a damaging cat claw. (i wonder who has the cooler move) In an acrobatic display that would leave you breathless, we twirled and whirled, and in the final move I did a combo attack, freezing him, while royce then leap in for the kill, grabbing him and throwing off the stage.

With a exultant roar he turned to me, face ecstatic and both hands raised for the high five. Ignoring him, i walked over and threw his character off the stage as well.

Victory.

Of course it pretty much went downhill from there and it was only many games later whne we had finally restrained our team killing impulses that we owned the monster. I'm sure all the girls (and some guys) out there have fallen asleep at the sight of the word Digimon, so i shall move on to other things.

Friday itself I had a mixture of class outing and scouts outing, though by sheer coincidence/bad luck i never did meet up with the scouts even though we were both having outing in the same place. Had fun watching Miss Paradox Loy try the para para machine, though that fun was extremely short lasted considering the length of time she played before the game booted her out. Ironic how hands that can beat some imba drum beat are reduced to uncoordinated quivering masses of jelly in the face of a para para machine, though admittedly she improved a lot when we played later at night again.

Next went to watch the girl who leaped through time, quite a imba movie, though i had to endure a certain someone ranting about how the lead character could suddenly get an extra time leap charge when they were none left.

She made quite alot of sense actually. After all, seeing as how leaping through time is such a normal and totally realistic occurance anyway, they should try to keep the whole movie coherent to logic and reality.

Sigh.

We went to go play pool after that, where i suffered a crushing defeat to the guys in my class. Lost in the team game as well, although that isn't totally my fault, since pool generally isn't meant to be played like dodge ball in the first place. As to who did that i shall (for the third time) be nice and not mention who. : )

This isn't exactly the most interesting post, so i shall not bore you with the other details. Had scouts hike the next day before once again going to play pool, this time with Royce. I shall not comment on the results but i shall smile. :)))

Actually it was very close lar, with a bit of carelessness here and there cementing the victory. Other than that nothing much to blog about.

Had Ice Skating the next day, where i arrived 30 mins early, while someone arrived 90 mins late. I shall once again not reveal who but by now i suppose it isn't hard to guess. As much as i want to deny it though the sad truth is that upon looking at the pristine beauty of the pallid ice, and the grace and splendor of the skaters, the first thing i thought of was the the tetrahedral arrangement of H20 molecules in ice and the enthalpy of fusion. It was only many moments later that my brain took notice of the fact that one of the skaters was quite hot.

Once again, sigh.

I thus conclude that I've been spending too much time in my own company mugging (even though my results may not show it), and as wonderful, desirable and pleasant as such company is I probably need to get out more before I start spouting Klingon.

All in all, it took one and a half hours of diligent effort (heidi) and diligent suanning (me) to finally teach ahem ahem how to (roughly) ice skate. Of course this was after much hard work and patience since at the start she moved around the ice like it was made of quicksand, a.k.a not at all.

After that was scouts, and other mundane stuff. Ironic that i have more to blog about before CTs than after it. Kk, even I'm growing bored writing this piece so probably the readers are asleep now. Tata for now, Toodles.

2007-06-21T00:17:00.000+08:00

Hello people, I'm back after a long absence. Having mostly mugged finished, i shall grant myself a break and do a spot of blogging. Recently my life has been confined to the fabled halls of Orchard Library and the cosy corners of coffee bean. And since there's been a request of my mugging schedule I shall give you the quick and easy on how to mug 3 subjects in 8 days: namely start mugging at 11am and stop mugging at 12am. If your sanity isn't gone by then, as i suspect mine is, you can stop worrying about dying for your common test. Over the course of these 84 hours at Orchard and 12 hours in school, many interesting experiences have happened, i shall share a few choice morsels.

Fast Fact #1 : Takashimaya Level 5 toilets suck.

After a hard days work, all i wanted to do was to be able to do my business in peace, and enjoy the momentary respite from physics. This isn't exactly a worthy topic of discussion so i shall keep it short, but suffice to say, just when i was done my phone starting ringing. Being an efficient multi-tasking man (yes, even in the loo) and eager to get back to gravitation, i reached one hand behind to flush the toilet, and the other hand to answer the phone. As most of you should know, i am inherently lazy. I somehow do not see the need to remain standing on the bus, just because 4 of your female classmates insist on standing up while they are seats available.

There is manliness, and then there is stupidity.

So naturally i was seating down at that time when, and i can see no other way to put this, i felt water lapping at my behind. Cursing the crappy flushing system, and thinking it nothing more than a momentary fluctuation in the water dispensing system, I waited for it to stop. It didn't.

You people seating in your comfortable chairs staring at the computer probably have no idea how traumatising an experience that is. Since time immemorial man has depended on its toilets not to break down. Sure computer's will crash, TV's will explode and Windows Movie Maker will destroy your life but the toilet was always a safe haven. No electricity involved, no circuitry or faulty programming. Just your finger, the button and the literal smell of success as H20 washed your troubles away.

Staggering out of my seat, i watched as the water merrily obeyed the laws of physics and happily gurgled down the side of the toilet bowl, though i suppose if your existence was limited to washing away the waste of others you would be happy to be free too. On the other hand, i wasn't exactly beaming with joy at that moment, but rather deliberating how to cross the little pool of water my happy toilet bowl Niagara Falls had created. At that moment, that 1 cm deep puddle of almost (don't ask) pure water seemed more intimidating then a maelstrom. The fact that i was wearing slippers didnt help either.

Convincing myself that it was clean water (sometime it pays to be colour blind), i took a few quick steps and rushed out the door, straight into the angry gaze of people who probably thought i stuffed a baby wombat down the toilet or something. Sigh, my whole life i seem to get myself into situations where people start staring at me. Ultimately though, with the exception of the loss of some NEWater, there were no real casualties, and on a happy note, my legs have become much stronger using the squatting toilet.

Enough with such vile memories, I hope you guys arent eating/ about to eat. Lets proceed to:

Fast Fact #2: Don't buy meatball pasta at Orchard Library

Note that i have nothing against the Cafe at Orchard Library, the drinks are nice, the servers are friendly and the food usually tastes good. Though I say that in the same way people say you normally survive cancer. Once is enough. Thankfully this was not the same day as the toilet saga, or I don't think my already fragile psyche could take it.

Being the ignorant fool that I was, I decided to be adventurous and not go for the "crowd favorite" or "chef's recommendation" for once, and thus bought the meatball spagatthi thingy. When the food finally arrived, i tucked in. If I weren't a free thinker, at that moment I would probably be a) praying to god to keep me alive, and b) giving thanks that I had not bought this for lunch before encountering the rogue toilet.

Although pasta and porridge may both start with p, i highly doubt they are supposed to share the same properties. It did teach me a few new things about the laws of physics though, namely that fusion is possible, judging by the way the spagetti strands seem to melt into one another. Ok, it wasn't that bad, but try and imagine biting into what should be 7 seperate strands of spagetthi and feeling your teeth just meld them into putty. The cook probably blowtorched the pot of water or something. The cream wasn't all that nice as well.

Ok, in case they see this and sue me or something, i shall add a further statement:

The spagetthi was really extremely well done.

As in a steak.

Fast Fact #3: Look before you leap/chiong off in a taxi (7 bucks) to find chem notes you thought you left in school but were actually in your math file

I think the above is quite self explanatory.

Fast Fact #4: I'm an idiot until I ask someone for help

This is just one of life's little understood mysteries. I realise that the above sentence isn't very clear so I'll illustrate with an example:

After pondering over some inexplicable math question for one hour, I call trusted friend, royce-the-brain.

ohcy: "eh you know for question 13 right, how come.......OH! I get it!"

Royce: ".... ok"

A few hours later I call him again.

ohcy: "eh you know for question 15 right...... eh wait, nevermind, i got it."

Royce: "...."

Repeat this scenario several times over and you'll eventually get

ohcy: "eh, do you..."

"click... beep beep beep"

Its as if i need to hear a voice over the phone before the answer flies into my brain. Either that or he explains half a word and i get it. Of course this doesnt happen every single time, or he would have probably really blocked my calls liao, but still it happens often enough to irritate the hell out of me. After all, its my phone bill. Sigh, maybe this is just my brain's way of telling my that 12 hours of social isolation is unhealthy.

Fast Fact #5: The toilet doors in Paragon are really cool

A few days ago I went to the Paragon toilets for the very fast time, and it was there that i witnessed the epitome of human laziness and cool technology. Its like i walked into a star wars spaceship. You push a button, and the door slides open mechanically, and when your walking out, it opens automatically.

Awesome.

Thats either a waste of dollars or really cool. As you may have been able to tell, i go with the latter. It has restored my faith in toilets. Though admittedly i fail to see the benefit of installing that particular contraption in a toilet. Sure its cool and all, but the fact that its installed into a waste disposal facility seems to take some of the oomph out of it. It seems more suited for a sci fi adventure thingy, where the hero dodges laserbeam fire, runs for the door, pushes the button, leaps inside and watches as the doors closes upon his enemy's snarling, spittle flecked face. On the other hand if you did that at the toilets most people will probably just think you're about to pee in your pants.

Hmmm, thats about all for now, i have to prepare for another hard day's mugging tomorrow, though now that i think about it since i pretty much finished everything except for art I'll probably just take it easy a little and do revision questions. goodbye for now, Takashimaya and your crappy toilets.

On a side note i now have my second Winnie the pooh stuffed toy, thanks. Time for celebration.

kk, feeling very sleep now, slept at 3:30 last night trying to take pictures of lightning. I doubt anyone knows this but every major thunderstorm i whip out my camera and try to take pictures of lightning, and naturally either the lighning stops the moment i take out my camera or the flashes only come when im not taking them. Well yesterday if you had your eyes and ears open there was another heavy thunderstorm and determined to beat Murphy's law, I spent close to 2 hours by my window side trying to take a few picture of lightning. Out of probably 500 shots a few managed to capture a bit of it, but one turned out rather spectacularly.

Ah well, might as well post them. For comparison, I'll start off with a picture without any lightning.

The first one i managed to capture:

Finally the super nice one.

That, i feel, was worth staying up 1.5 hours for. funny thing is, that was like my second last shot, i had told myself i would only take 50 more before going to sleep. Take that Murphy. The rest are just slightly brighter skies so Im not going to waste my time uploading them. since i'm a digicam noob, the first two were captured with fireworks mode setting and the last nice one with night mode. Next aim: capture a comet.

tata for now. toodles.

2007-06-05T20:07:00.000+08:00

Hello people, i have returned at long last from 5 days of camp. As such, my mind is not mentally functioning up to scratch enough to do a proper post on the camp itself, though im sure the PLs of each patrol would be very happy if i were to list down the events of the camp in full detail for their patrol logs. As such, i shall be a lazy uncreative sloth and kope stuff from random blogs.

Ge's blog

1. 4 names in your inbox?
Ge, Jerry Loy, Px, Laodi. Just so you know, even though they're all girls this is purely by coincidence.

2. Your main ringtone?
Brrrrrrr brrrrrrrr. Or any other sound my phone makes when it vibrates.

3. What did you do at 12 last night?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Feel the cheese. Although i wouldn't mind telling some people.

4. Who was the last person u went out with? Where?
Seeing as my social life is about as happening as a hibernating polar bear's and my love life as active as the yeti's, I am thankful that this question skips the When.

5. The color of the tshirt you're wearing now?
What makes you think i'm wearing one.

6. The last thing you did before this?
Question 5

7. Three of your everyday essentials?
This is an interesting question. From some of the answers I've seen (handphone, mp3 player...), I'm a apparently one of the weaker breeds of humans who can't survive without air, water and food.

8. What colour is your room?
thanks ar.

9. How much money in your wallet now?
Enough to buy laodi.

10. How's life?
Sucks seeing as i currently have only 5 cents in my wallet.

11. Your favorite city?
Gilatuluwakasabi of the Crimson Honolulus (only one person will get this)

12. What will you do next weekend?
Wow. Another interesting question. Wait a moment as i bend time and space to reveal my future. Probably mugging.

13. When was the last time you met your mom?
The questions just keep getting better. i'm sure all you viewers out there are extremely interested in when i last saw my mum. After all, she currently lives a whopping 5 metres away from me now, and as such has trouble visiting often.

14. Where is she now..?
Another interesting question. In the room....? Watching TV...? On the sofa..........? I somehow fail to see the need to add 2 dots after the question........................................?

15. When was the last time you talked to her?
=.=" Actually everytime i meet my mum who lives a whopping 5m away, all i do is give her an icy stare and fling a few chairs around without saying anything. My admiration for this quiz writer continues to grow.

16. Who is the last person that texted you?
Jerry Loy, telling me she hopes the force will be with her.

17. Where did u have your dinner last night?
Had some semi dinner like thing in front of a campfire. abandoned the thing after i realised there more carbon had drifted onto the food then was originally in the food itself. And bearing in mind that the food was cooked by scouts thats saying something.

18. The last gift you've received?
My memory fails me here. Should be some random thing from my angel.

19. Last thing you borrowed from your friend?E
Foolscap paper. At current rate i predict i owe at least a hundred pieces of foolscap to various people. Which i fully intend to return. Eventually. Why do people even ask people to lend them foolscap anyway, who on earth ever returns it.

20. How do you feel now?
As a sensitive new age guy, I'm unafraid of expressing my feelings. Real men cry, and undoubtedly, I am a real man. Right now, i feel like a butterfly. As in a have a 2-week lifespan kinda way.

21. What do you order at McD?
Lipids and Oil. Seems somehow discouraging that a mega fast food chain selling double cheese burgers stuffed with beef names itself MCD.

22. The last time you felt so sad?
Either the writer is grammatically uninclined, or he assumes everyone is in a state of depression upon reading this question. Seeing as I've been laughing at these questions for the last 5 mins I'll assume its the former.

23. What is your wish for tomorrow?
World peace. I was going to wish for the completion of my art project by tomorrow but it pays to be a bit more realistic. This way i might even snag the hundreds of Miss Universes who share the same view.

Xuewei's blog

Your Birthdate: December 31

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.
However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.
Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1

You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

=.=" Lets add some choice comments, shall we?

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking. (As a fundamentally happy sorta person, that would explain my sad sad love life)
However, you are able to love many types of people. (True, just look at laodi. How much more different can you get.) You can bring out the best in almost anyone. (False, once again, look at laodi)
Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next. (False. Remove the words "often" and "next" and it'll be roughly true. )

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 (I know, i know... some people have all the luck. Ladies, please don't sour grapes over the lucky two. Men, please dont be one of the lucky 2.)

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 (We all die eventually)

On a side note, suanning laodi has sort of become a habit, so just note that anything I say about him is probably false. Probably.

I see no other copy worthy thing on other blogs, so this will have to do. In other news, my vocab has officially been destroyed after 5 days of scouts camp. To give you and idea of what i mean, lets show some sample sentences of how I speak.

Before Scouts:

ohcy: He has a generally sanctimonius air around him, acting all high and mighty, only interacting with us in order to rain his accrimonius scorn and high falutin platitudes down on us.

After Scouts:

ohcy: He some bomb.

Before Scouts:

ohcy: Great Scott! That foolish young man is actually trying to lift all those poles by himself? Foreasmuch as his strength is great, surely gravity shall be the victor.

After Scouts:

ohcy: Imser.

Sigh.

kk, feeling quite bomb now. And here i quote Miss Jerry Loy.

I am Very Tired

I am very tired,
I am very tired;
I am very tired,
I am very tired.

I am positively astounded by the various layers of meaning and the hundred levels of intepretation in that poem. Truly the signs of diligent effort on the part of someone who got full marks for her Sec 4 Lit CT.

toodles and goodnight.

2007-05-26T17:46:00.002+08:00

Hello folks, im back. At the rate things are going, if i don't blog now my internet will probably die, my computer start smoking and my house explode. This tale begins, as all tales do, with the letter T.

It was a glorious morning, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and all seemed right with the world. Went to school, spent the whole day folding a Kawasaki origami rose that took around 3 hours to complete, before i departed on my journey to deliver the campfire souveniors to Pierce and Beatty secondary school. In the canteen i met Ge, who happened to have nothing to do as well so i just asked her to follow me. Of course i had to go make some inane remark along the lines of "I have nothing to blog about these days, my life not interesting at all"

Considering that being thrown of a 100 story building or into the Atlantic ocean on a frigid winter day are both pretty interesting things to happen, perhaps i should have been more appreciative of that fact.

Immediately of course i proceeded to reach into my pocket and feeling the Kawasaki rose, i thought it was scrapped paper and crushed it into pulp. (being manly does have its downsides)

Three times.

Luckily the workmanship was good and i could still repair it each time after some effort. On the way to beatty i decided to go home to drop of my bag first. Walking in, i showed Ge my brother's room when lo and behold i heard this exclamation:

"OMG! YOU HAVE A PULL-UP BAR ATTACHED TO YOUR DOOR?? THEY REALLY EXIST!!! MY FRIEND TOLD ABOUT THIS BEFORE BUT I NEVER BELIEVED HER!!!"

=.="""""""""""""""""""""""""

I seriously wonder what these people do after trainings. I bet they just gather round some bucket of mac ritchie water and tell stories.

Wise old canoe lady: "Gather around young one, for i have a tale to spin and a story to tell....."

"Legends tell that long long ago there existed a pull-up bar......................in a house"

Ge: "NO! Joking you must be!"

Wise old canoe lady: "And it was attached to a door!"

Ge: "NO! NO! Joking you must surely be!"

Wise old canoe lady: "And Dr Crowe is actually a ghost!"

Ge: *faints*

Lol, for some reason she didnt start doing 300 pull-ups on it. Too stunned liao. Maybe i'll soon find a photo of my pull-up bar plastered on the canoeist board

"Indoor pull-up bar... Fact? Or Fiction?"

After I dropped of my stuff and i checked my mail, we left my house and began the journey.

And thus the saga began....

Episode IV: A TRUE DOPE

After going on a rescue mission to repair the rose, we set off for Beatty secondary school to deliver the first souvenior. After a ton of walking, we finally reached the place but came face to face with some super long fence. Peering in, i used my deductive skills, the direction the cars were travelling, the area with the greatest concentration of noise, the layout of the school, the location of the roads, the colours of the wind and the tail side of a 50 cent coin to decide we should go left. Ge on the other hand, insisted the gate was the other way. So of course i had to say:

"Im a scout. Trust me"

After walking through some knee high savanna for ages, we saw no gate in sight so i proceeded to ask some sec 1 guy playing basketball "where is the gate ar?"

sec 1 kid: "the other side"

It took a while, but the bleeding eventually stopped, my teeth were eventually found and Ge eventually calmed down. I hobbled off towards the main gate as the sec 1 boy ran away screaming from post apocalyptic fury Ge-hulk. I would say her skin turned green but seeing as thats how i normally see skin anyway the effect seems quite lost.

In the end, we walked through the knee length grass savanna again and eventually reached the school where i delivered the souvenior : a small scale coffin.

Auspicious indeed.

On an interesting side note, while walking to the school we encountered some secondary school girl who was wasnt wearing a skirt as per se a very thick belt. Sigh, teens these days... Lucky good teens like me still exist who never wear their skirts so short.

that concluded the initial part of the adventure and thus began:

Episode V: THE EM-PeIRcE STRIKES BACK

With that inital part of the adventure over, we walked back to school for Ge to get her bag, and for me to withdraw some money. On the way there she decided to bath so i went to the pull-up bar to stone and do pull-ups. Met px along the way and i got to try banging the mythical LD drums for the first time.

Left for Pierce Secondary school shortly after that. Upon reaching the halfway stop at thomson rd where we were supposed to change bus...

ohcy: "shit shit shit, crap. where's the coffin."

At this point i was sweating like bomb and panicking liao, when what should i see but ge happily stuffing her hand into her bag trying to find it while grinning at me.

ge: "hahahaha, i dunno lei"

once again =.=""""""""

Optimism is a good trait and all but still....

immediately getting off the bus, we took a bus all they way back, spent 30 mins looking for the stupid thing, found it, and took a bus back. same as usual we reached thomson, changed a bus and were soon on our way to pierce when.... we missed the bus stop and got off one stop late.

i can practically hear all you people going "one stop only wad..." To better understand our predicament, i shall provide a rough map of the bus stop positions along the way. x= bus stop)

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x---------------------------------------------------x
-----------------> direction of travel

hmm, i wonder which bus stop we got off at.

After making the huge trek back to the school, i walked like 500 m to one gate only to see the sign: "Gate locked, please use other gate." @#$!!#$... Walking all the way back, i made some huge detour again into some ulu path when i found the main gate, in all its rusty shiny locked splendour. #@$%!!#.... however, a nasty suspicion dawned upon as at tt point, as the school looked strangely deserted. Therefore, i proceeded to ask some security guard at the condo nearby.

ohcy: "Hello, is the school still in use?"

Sisco man: "No, move to other location liao"

ohcy: "Thank you"

"@#!^$#%@#!%$#@%#@%!!!!!"

We spent the next several minutes following that examining the finer points of the english language and throwing random coconuts around.

Finally, we called 100 Starhub directory service and got the proper address. This time, we were running out of time liao, so we took a taxi there. We had a good laugh on the taxi about how i should never again mention how boring my life was. Soon however, we reached the school, and I stepped out of the taxi alot happier, bounding along with light steps, though the fact that my wallet had just been emptied might have contributed to tt. While walking to the gate, Ge suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. thinking my poor compatriot had gone mad from the stress, i let her be and walked straight to the gate where i saw this:

I will never advertise Starhub again.

Checking the address once more, we realised the school had moved to like 400m away from the school we visited in the first place.

I would go "..." but this has gone beyond that. I would go =.=" , but that has been my expressio nfor the last 48 hours anyway. I would go "why me?", but ge will just beat me up for saying "This is definately the correct school" while in the taxi. So instead, i shall just say the following words"

I am totally not going to ace my A levels.

A totally hot, rich supermodel with a great personality will never ever ever fall into my arms.

I do not have Jedi powers and a lightsaber.

It was too late to go to the real location, and im pretty sure upon reaching it i would have found a tree stump with a sign nailed to it saying: "We have moved to the Yugoslavia, any inconvenience is regretted" Taking a taxi to the Young Musician's Society, we walked into the concert hall for the percussion concert, and thus begins:

Episode VI: Return of the Jerri

Percussion concert was interesting, though if you've been keeping your eyes open you'd have realise interesting can have many interpretations. I can sum up the whole concert in one sentence, and no one would disagree. The concert was damn GGXX.

Haha, it was interesting at times lar, sometimes random sounding, sometimes nice, a few mistake like sounding things here and there. and here i quote ge:

ohcy: "I can never tell if they've made a mistake or not. Since when do exploding firecrackers have a methodical beat anyway"

ge: "thats the beauty of it"

Cunning cunning. GGXX has my respect. Kudos goes to the folks who had to memorise 10 songs in 3 weeks, imba imba. Interesting seeing Jerry Loy act like an ox while giving some poor guy the evil eye as she banged on her drums in some 1v1 ox vs tiger song. i couldn't tell who was the ox and who was the tiger but i presume they played to appearance rather than character.

I am so going to be killed for this on monday. Oh wait, its the holidays. Too bad Jerry.

The concert left me with alot of questions though, namely:

1)How does someone who can bang on the drums for 10mins in some complex sequence without missing a beat throw and catch a gong like she has pincers instead of hands.

2)How does someone so manly herself question the manliness of scouts.

Lumberjacks chop wood, sailors tie knots, and they are both manly men.

Scouts do both things.

I shall leave you the dignity of drawing the appropriate conclusion.

After the concert, gave out flowers, ate dinner, and walked home. That night i vowed, the sun will come out, tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that, tomorrow, will be, a better day.

So of course today my art project deleted itself, i banged my head into a tree and i stepped in some pot hole and injured my ankle wihle at mac ritchie.

Among others.

Sigh.

Whee, my parents are going overseas tomorrow morning for till thursday, and i just found out 2 hours ago when i overheard them talking about it. Apparently even my daigor who has been in army for the past week long knew about this. I bet they were placing bets as to whether i could go the whole duration without realising they weren't in Singapore.

toodles. off to sleep. tata for now.

2007-05-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

Hello all. Shall not be blogging as usual this week. Too busy. by and by, been a fun week, had a great time yesterday going for piano ensemble plus random walking around after tt, havent enjoyed myself so much in a long while. Saw a shocking, different, feminine side of some people. Of course the fact that they were female in the first place....

Ah well, I shall prepare to be whacked on monday. tata.

2007-05-13T11:20:00.000+08:00

Hello folks, currently tan huaning now in front of my com while the butterflies in my stomach engage in nuclear war. In the midst of recovering from some imba manly illness that has owned me for the past 4 days. Lets recount the full story shall we.

Thursday

It was 3 am in the morning and being the hardworking guai boy that i am i had just completed my art project and was deciding whether to do some final revision for physics test or go and sleep. Well, in truth i spent a mere 30 minutes on the project and 2 plus hours pummeling the restart button. It was like a ticking time bomb. I would turn on the computer, open up power point, and within 5 minutes the whole thing would just destroy itself. I could have used it for a timer. Just pop a pie into the oven, turn on the com, take the pie out once the motherboard starts smoking...

In any case, my feral impulses and angst finally reached a peak, and i spent the next few minutes dismantling the com and feasting over its innards before switching to my brothers com. Or at least contemplating it. Not that i was afraid of destroying a thousand dollar chunk of hardware, but i am by nature and kind and gentle soul.

Eventually though i got the whole thing done, and decided to just look through my formulas before going to sleep.

And thats when i felt a rumbly in my tummy.

(Unless u had a deprived childhood, you should know where that came from)

what followed next was 2 hours of pure torture as I made the toilet my new home, alternatively stuffing my head down the toilet bowl (i finally know how a certain anorexic in my class feels like after every meal) or having the runs. Eventually i threw in the bowel and went to my parents for help. The medicine they gave didnt helped since it was flushed down the toilet 5 mins after consumption (there are going to be some very high sewer rats) so my father and me walked to the Mount Alvernia hospital for check up and a jab.

Sigh, down one mountain and up another.

The irony occured to me then that i was going to miss the one (or one of the few) tests that i studied for, and the class was probably going to think i ponned school. And that i had to hand in my art group project stuff later that day also. After a few/some/many/countless frantic calls to my art project groupmate, who apparently puts her handphone beneath her pillow (who keeps their handphone under their pillow??? Doesnt that give u brain cancer or something), there was still no reply. Apparently she hadnt woken up yet. She's no princess and the pea, but a pillow aint exactly 40 mattresses nor is a vibrating handphone a........well, a pea.

Ah well, actually i thought she would be awake liao, at least i didnt wake anybody. (You would think that anyone who lives in the distant isolated wastelands would have to wake up by 6 to reach school on time)

After informing people that i would be missing school, i went home to try and sleep. note the word try.

I lay on my bed, and had what i thought was at least an hour plus long lie. I use the word lie and not nap since it was spent tossing, turning, and burping (don't ask). Since i lay down around 8:30, i turned to my side and expected to see the clock at 10:00 at least, but was moderately disappointed to find the hour hand at 9 only.

Until i realised it was the minute hand.

By then i was beyond disappointment. Yup folks, a grand total of 15 minutes had passed in my glorious lie. I know how they say time flies when ur having fun and vice versa, but this was ridiculous. What was i supposed to do, play solitaire? So basically i lay there for what seemed like eternity as my gullet had a violent disagreement with my spleen.

The whole day basically went by the same way, i shall spare myself the pain of recollecting it. Besides some 39.3 degree fever, nothing much else happened.

As i type this, my father is asking me what's the number on my hospital tag to go buy 4D. =.="

Friday

For the majority of that day, I just stoned at home reconnecting with my inner childhood as i watched hi hi puffy ami yumi and other such mentally stimulating shows. Felt tan huan but not as tan huan as day before.

Saturday

I dub this D Day. As in, d day my stomach died. Felt fine after i woke up and was having a drink of milo for breakfast. Just as i took out some math stuff to mug,............................. owned.

So much for the drink of champions... After 2 hours of pain, my parents finally brought me to the hospital (again) It was an interesting experience to say the least. First we waited for like one hour before it was finally my turn to see the doctor. After prodding me here and there and asking a few questions, he decided i should be warded. Next was the first bit of fun i had in 3 days, a wheel chair ride. Although i did not really need it as i could still walk, the nurse insisted, and ah well, might as well enjoy the ride.

Upon reaching the ward, i got on some bed and some nurse started interrogating me.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain?"

????

Imser i can just judge like that. Well seeing as im lying there scrunched up in agony add 2 points? Because im smiling at that =.=" question, minus 5? They should have some scale like:

1)That felt like laodi just punched me
2)That felt like a flea just punched me
3)That tickles
4)Ow.
5)Owwww.
6) OWWWWWW.
7)Sheer excruciating agony
8)Words cant describe the torture
9)I see....the light...
10)I see....daigor's face (oh the agony)

And so on and so forth.

I said: "4? But its constant"

Nurse (raising her eyebrows): "You sure or not? Really feel pain ar...."

=.=""

Actually she was right, i didn't feel pain at all. I just like to come hospitals cause its fun to waste my parents money and lie in a bed for 20 hours straight, not doing anything productive as i feel my muscles (i do have muscles) wasting away from atrophy, while eating food that .... well actually it tastes like our canteen food. (Not that thats saying much)

After that the doctor arrived. he seemed pro enough so i began to relax more, that is, until he began his inspection. He begin prodding my stomach again, while asking me to take a deep breath. So, well, i took a deep breath, with the following reaction:

Doctor: "goood! GOOOD... GOOOOOOODD!!!"

I took another deep breath

Doctor: "goooooooooood!!! GOOOOOOOOOD!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!"

Me: "Imser."

I somehow fail to understand both the amount of praise and the amount of shock in that exclamation. What did he expect me to do, grow fangs and bite his arms off? Or was he expecting me to suddenly stop breathing.

Then again, i can sorta understand the earlier reaction of the nurse just now, its hard to take a patient who's supposed to be in pain seriously when he's laughing in your face.

After that the doctor left and i was subjected to 3 rounds of hospital food, medicine and tv, although the tv was actually quite manly. It had discovery channel and cartoon network, for which i give thanks.

Did some math, did some drawing, watched alot alot of tv. Couldnt really sleep cos of the trouble with bubbles (of air) in the bowels of my bowels, i.e i felt omega tan huan bloated. (i should be a poet)

My family came to visit me later that night, just before they set off for dinner. that was both a blessing and a curse when u consider that daigor is legally considered a member of my family. Lets show a sample sms he sent just after he left: "enjoy the hospital food! yum yum!"

=.=" thanks ar

My mum later informed me he was keeping a log of every sumptuous dish that he had during that dinner so they he could sms me the full course. I supposed he didnt do it cos his consience finally got the better of him, though it seems more likely that a falling meteriote crushed his handphone just as he was about to send it.

Eventually though, i fell asleep. Eventually.

Sunday

Woke up feeling totally better, though if u read the start of this post you'll realise that has been corrected. Booked out, went home and either tan huaned or the sofa or typed this blog entry. I hope u readers understand the mental and physical torture i went through to bring this blogpost to you. Well, just mental actually, what with daigor currently rummaging through the refrigerator for a pile of food and smiling at me every half second as he spouts something along the lines of :"Mmm Mmm MMMMmmmm, the delicious taste of XXX just seeps thorugh my tongue, astounds my throat and satiates my belly! *grin*"

That cunning #$%#%$

Oh, mystery solved. As he has just happily told me, the reason he didnt sms me the menu last night was because he was too busy gorging himself on the piles of mouth watering food that i was unable to eat.

Like i said, that cunning #$%#%$

Sigh i really am some unfit wasted sloth now, maybe ill go outside, lift a few pillows and gain back that bulk. Maybe ill find some handphones under them too XD

Ah well, my stomach is owning me again, I shall blog more another day. tata.

2007-05-04T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hey people, i have decided to break the monotony and not start with hello for once. Today was an interesting day, my NOKIA handphone, stylish, simple and simply great to use, woke me up from my deep slumber, mostly thanks to KING COIL, their beds are mmmm just heaven to sleep on. Walked to school listening to my CREATIVE mp3 player, with its ergonomic design and easiness of use, listening becomes pleasure redefined. During break, i chose to buy a drink. But what should it be? LIPTON'S ice lemon tea with its refreshing flavour? YEOS soya bean drink, milk, taste, health and lip smacking goodness, all in one small packet for such an affordable price? Or NESTLE'S MILO, the drink of champions? Ah well, i shan't bore you with the details but remember, if not for my HEWLETT PACKARD computer, WINDOWS XP software and STARHUB broadband connection, all of this would not be possible.

Sigh, my money is really running short these days. Someone suggest placing advertisements and product placements on my blog, but naahhh... that would be despicable.

On a totally unrelated side note, I can be contacted at ohcy@hotmail.com.

On an even more totally unrelated side note, all cheques to me (in the absolutely totally random event that someone should wish to do so) should be addressed to a Mr. Oh Chin Yang

Ah well, one can always try.

Tomorrow we're having Patrol-n-Town for scouts. Since no scouts read my blog i think its safe to reveal that this year we're changing it to Patrol-in-Down (position) We wanted to change it to Patrol-in-Frown but felt that that was too much of an understatement. Well maybe if excruciating-side splitting-agony rhymed with town......, at least that would be a more reasonable lie.

For starters, the starting checkpoint is somewhere in Sinagpore. Following that, their next checkpoint would be a penang laksa stall.

The genuine thing I mean.

We are presuming that those who cant sneak past the causeway can swim. After that, we have various checkpoints stashed everywhere. As for their exact location, lets just say that since Singapore is aiming to be a global city........

Why the sudden change you might ask. Well I was flossing with barb wire and brushing my teeth with cement paste as usual one night when I realised this:

Scouts are no longer as manly as I come.

Of course we skip the random exceptions like a certain Sec 2 who shares my last name,and whose family is rich enough to do muscular gene therapy and gamma ray irradiation. Ah well, maybe I'll just bring some kryptonite tomorrow.

Thereby, we decided to tailor our activities according to the maxim "Exercise breeds a healthy body". Although in my personal view a closer fit would be "survival of the fittest"...

literally.

After about 9/10ths of them have been destroyed, we'll just stop them and keep the rest. The ones that are left should be fit enough to bury the bodies with their bare hands. After all, asking them to complete the thing would be unrealistic, we would only have one member left. I hope those poor souls come mentally and physically prepared tomorrow.

Or maybe just mentally. The latter is impossible.

Oh woops, i just realised they're a group of scout juniors who actually bother to come read this blog. Silly me. To all you brave young souls out there, i offer this piece of advice, think Adidas (an excellent excellent shoe brand), Impossible is Nothing. Even though after this trip that may be all thats left of you, don't lose hope.... The same things were said about scaling Everest, and only 203 people died trying.

kk, too tired to continue posting, maybe I'll talk more about my week another day. Toodles folk, to my juniors; I hope this isn't for the last time.

Note: all ego in this blog is purely for the sake or humour, and should not be reproduced or quoted in anyway. Especially quoted. (Xuewei please read this)

P.S. to all who are catching the flu bug, get well soon. Unless you have a test on monday, in which class get well soon after.

2007-04-30T17:39:00.003+08:00

Hello folks. Sigh...

Well then, lets just have a recap on the happenings of the past week and a half

Monday:

2 days after the bomb that was 01 Annual Show, this should have been a day of relaxation and enjoyment but instead i had to take a Math Test. As were expected, all the necessary elements i needed to take the math test were missing, namely mugging, a coherent brain and my graphic calculator. The first one was non-existent, the second was destroyed by a lack of sleep and the third, well... the third i left at home.

ggxx.

Realising only seconds before the test that i did not have a graphic calculator, i sort of gave up at that point and starting drawing smiley faces on my test paper. Ok, fine, not exactly smiley faces, more sad, angsty omgwthiforgottobringmygc kinda faces.

However, i pulled through and gave it my all, never giving up in the face of adversity, never throwing the towel down, fighting like a wild animal to attain that imba grade, and in the end,

i still failed.

sigh....

math= makes all tan huan

Tuesday

My recollections are fuzzy. I vaguely recall sobbing in a corner and shouting at my GC. Not like it cared that arrogant 200 dollar hunk of junk.

Wednesday

I had... no scouts that day. omg omg omg. imba rare. I spent most of the morning planning all the fun ccas i would crash, all the nice things i would do that i never could cos of scouts, and in the end i just went around spamming pictures before going home to stone. Ahh.. the ironies of life. Oh, and it rained like bomb that day, luckily i had car. Some unfortunate people could have taken a lift, but dao their phone too often.

Thursday

Went around spamming photos for art. Spent most of trying to pounce up on birds and take pictures of them before they flew away. Now i know how sylvester feels, except the birds werent yellow freakazoids with heads 50 times the size of their bodies. Was humming the Jaws theme song as i jumped around, and over time i got into the whole thing and started hiding behind pillars, flying up stairs and all that. Inevitably of course, just as i gave a particularly animated leap i was caught in the curious and slightly freaked out gaze of several passerbys.

Staying calm, i did what all you people out there should do in such situations: give a haughty look and say in a phony british accent "a..rrr..tttt" while shaking your head around like some tang poet. If you have a nice long white beard, it helps to start stroking it as well. And if you don't, try not to stroke anything else.

In the end however i got a few nice pictures, which took a hundred years to print due to printing problems. Hmm... that seems quite redundant. Almost like saying my computer could not work as my computer has spoiled. Unless of course you're talking about programs like windows movie maker in which case you'll be saying something along the lines of my WMM could not work as it was #@%$#^@ retarded to begin with.

Finally left the art room around 7:30 (hardworking folk that we are), before going for a nice, lipidy dinner.

Friday

Nothing much happened, spent most of the day imitating a rock. Oh, and i actually brought my MP3 to school for the first time i think. Or was it wednesday? Ah well, point being it was the second time i used it since i got it like more than one year ago. Suddenly felt like listening to some songs as i walked to school after getting started on the music craze again by certain folk.

Sigh, my mp3 sux, only 512 mb. I mean, thats like only 250 mb more than i actually need. What i should do is splurge my money while the homeless are being fed to the hungry on some 8 gig mp3 player, which can store around 1950 songs more than i'll prob listen to. Perfect. While I'm at it, might as well buy an external harddrive to store my word files XD. Kk, nvm , that was more of a random jibe.

Nth much else happened. See? I told you my life was boring.

Saturday

Had Annual Show reflect and review in the morning, before going for Patrol in Town recce after that. Had alot of fun talking cok with Mr GUO, as well as our usual angsting. On the way back my mum called asking if I wanted a lift home. Since she mentioned it would be a long while more i decided to walk home instead from MRT. Upon opening my front door i was greeted simultaneously by 4 people as they happily lounged around the sofa, eating tibits.

=.="

next time she asks, I'll just ask for a lift. By the time i take one step foward a long while would have passed anyway, might as well not keep me waiting. One small step for man, a giant leap year for mum-kind.

Sunday

Spent most of the day a) sleeping b) doing elements of art. For the latter i mostly just copied from art websites, grew super sian after a while. For the non-arty folk who read my blog, i shall provide a few terms and definitions.

1) Lines

What you get when you place a seven-eleven next to a canteen whose stall owners think food can rust, looking at the layers of oil surrounding every item in their menu.

2)Shape

What daigor is in and laodi is not. As for myself, well i'm a humble person and lets just leave it at that.

k, fine, im a unfit sloth. whatever. Beauty lies skin deep, and fats lie deeper.

3)Texture

The difference between Times New Roman, Arial and Comic Sans MS.

4)Form

Me, being a 3-dimensional object, has form. Huimin, being a 2-dimensional being, does not.

5)Colour

=.="""

6)Value

The pain attributed to an object if you drop it into a 1000 foot canyon.

Things that have value:

a)Brand new, unused things - new computers, mint rare comic books, my exercise bike..

b)Expensive things - Gold, silver, diamonds, an 8 gigabyte Creative mp3 player

c)Priceless things - There are some things money can't buy. For everything else....... well I can't afford those too. Any contributions to the ohcy pocket money foundation?

7)Space

The stuff out there, inside me and between laodi's ears.

Hmm, i seem to be insulting laodi particularly alot in this post. don't fret laodi, its all in friendly jesting, i have no doubts about your intelligence. After all, the gene pool cant have been corrupted that badly, even if you do get splinters occasionally from scratching your head.

In the end i finished the thing at almost 3 am. Sigh, now left principles of art to go, sian sian sian.

Today

I had chem spaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh. Spent 25 mins doing one titration, adding the #$%$# titrant dropwise for 9 cm3 of solution as i was afraid that i would miss the colour change (being colour blind) if i did it fast. Somehow reminded me of my blood donation experience, except it was titrant instead of blood, a burette instead of a tube and ... ahh forgeddit.

After that went to scouts den to do some scouty stuff before going for family dinner. Daigor came back from army and it was an interesting experience exchanging random insults in our customary verbal sparring of wit. Of course a few less intellectual insults were directed at me as well, namely $%^%$#&^%, $#!#@%$#^ and @#$@#$%%!!!!! Ah, the good old days...

Hmm, i think thats about all. Tata for now.

toodles.

P.S. (A note to laodi)

Dear Laodi,

When the day comes, years from now, that you're finally able to read and understand this, know that i bear no insult towards your intelligence or lack of it. Ah well, i don't even know why im saying this, as the saying goes: what you don't know can't hurt you, so you must be practically invulnerable. So much for Darwin.

I bet he's going to whack me once he reads this. That boy just doesn't know the meaning of fear, then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words. Ah well, there must be a reason my parents stopped having children. Ok lar, enough suanning, he really is a nice chap, friendly to people, kind to animals, loves nature despite what it did to him. I get worried for him at times, sometimes he lets his mind wander and its too little to be left out alone.

Wow, that was perhaps the most insulting thing i've ever written. Haha, but to all who read this, my laodi is very intelligent, just that he's the only person who won't beat me up for this. XP

P.P.S The above insults and quibs were written for fun, peace, laughter and joy only and with laodi by my side. Please do not really use them to hurt someone else, unless of course like laodi, they can't understand them.

sorry, couldn't resist one last jibe.

2007-04-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

Hello folks, i have decided to come out of mi shell and do a spot of blogging. Finally 01 fantasma has ended, and the Sec 1 dance (and the whole campfire) is a great success. Kudos to me for choreoing the dance but special mention must also out to the person who helped me replay the song and burn the CD. Rocks, only you could estimate the proper timing. zong zomg, i forgot, he also helped me to find the song. thanks man :)

Other than that happy piece of news. today is a sad sad day. I have just been accused of chatting up my friend's classmate. woe is me. At first i was bewhildered by his sudden anger, but now i realise it was not a case of me chatting up his classmate, but me chatting with one particular classmate. Then again the same thing would probably happen if i chatted to any of his female aqquaintances. Ah well, teen hormones are a powerful thing.

Sigh, i got caught sleeping in math lecture yesterday, by the hot math teacher. A good friend reminded me to buck up, or no matter how soon ai start mugging, my miserly mockery math marks may magically mess up. I hereby draw the conclusion that if u cant even do simple calculations like 12 squared = 144 and not 70 u should go fail ur A level math liao.

Oh, but i am happy today. After like close to a year i have finally worked up the courage to speak to my neighbour. Bear in mind i always wanted to, but he was a huge hulking Monster of a Man, who probably owned a shirt shop looking at the number of shirts he had to replace daily just flexing. Oh, i should mention he had a dinosaur of a wild dog as well, frothing at the mouth, gnashing its teeth hungrily everytime i walked by. I mean, i may not be a coward, but its not like he was just a 16 year old girl or something, i mean, look at that monster.

It took much clever planning, and multiple attempts. I tried once last year around july and i still havent recovered from the physical and mental scars. Ok, maybe just the mental scars. Finally, after much scheming, i pretended to dao him. Then i noticed he was reading some death! war! weapons! magazine so i hurriedly went to get one too.

Looking at me, his shirt popping once again as he turned his neck, he said "I didn't know you like this stuff."

YES! Success!! My life has meaning at last.

Ok, for the 6.5 billion people minus one people who didnt get that post, fret not, for you are not meant too. For the one person this post was written for, touche.

2007-04-22T19:50:00.000+08:00

Hello world, as promised, here is my post on the sad sad story of me, windows movie maker and campfire video editing. Presenting to you, "Pieces of Me - Ashlee Simpson" - reinvented.

Pieces (that are left) of Me - ohcy

On a Monday, I am filming
Tuesday, I editing
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the com screen, a black hue
And the darkness tells me I’m screwed
Cuz there goes my scouts movie

Bawl... Now this straw is the last
I can hardly catch my death, I hope its fast

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head, and just go chill
When Movie Maker kills
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know just how to make me go and kill myself
I’ve dove into a hell
All the pieces, pieces, of Windows XP
All the pieces, curses , Law of Murphy

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
Bill Gates never seems to care
While I'm angry, you make millions
When you’re happy, made a billion
And you wont stop 'til I'm bare

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit my own com
Crash, is all I have

How do you throw, everything that’s going my way?
Are you that devious?
And if it's true I will replace...
You with a Linux any day... yeah

On a Thursday, I all night-ing
And by Friday, I am fainting

My brain succumbs...
So I gg…

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head, and just go chill
When Movie Maker kills
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know just how to make me go and kill myself
I’ve dove into a hell
Ohhhhh
I’ve dove into a hell
Ohhhhh
I’ve dove into a hell

All the pieces, pieces, of Windows XP
All the pieces, curses , Law of Murphy

Sigh

If you didn't get that, the only that crashed more times then my computer throughout my video editing ordeal for our campfire was the video editing program. I was on the verge of burning the whole stupid thing. Crash and Burn. lol. But ah well, everythings over and done with. Managed to on-through-the-night the video in the end, and it was quite a success. Yay me.

On a side note, i am officially deleting Windows Movie maker from my system, banishing into the pits of failed programs.

2007-04-20T21:24:00.000+08:00

Happiness redefined.

Full story up and coming in the next post : A Series of Unfortunate Events, a.k.a Murphy was right.

2007-04-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

Hello world, everyone seems to be asking me to blog, so here I am again, sparing what little free time I now have to satisfy your needs. Today, instead of posting about some random occurence in my life, i shall rant about colour. This can be summarised in a simple yet sweet statement:

Colour is some bomb.

Of course bear in mind that I am slightly prejudiced against colour, being colour-blind in the first place. Throughout my short and sweet tenure on this world of colour, many happy incidents have resulted as a consequence of that.

Incident 1:

December 2004

We had just finished our GTC hike, and were frantically drawing maps of our checkpoints using streetdirectory.com.sg. Cheating you might say, but bear in mind that Eric had accidentally dropped the book of maps we had drawn during the hike into a river (or perhaps ditch would be a better term) while crossing it. Rivers in singapore being what they are and all, we were somewhat reluctant to recover the book from waters that had probably spawned godzilla, mutant turtles and laodi.

Meanwhile, i was assigned the task of (lalala) colouring the maps. Minutes later..

Fellow scout 1: "Eh, Chin Yang, have your finished colouri.... IMSER! WHY THE @#$%& ARE THE TREE TRUNKS GREEN AND LEAVES BROWN???? "

Me: "(Shit) Erm... cos they were growing next to the mutant milo river?"

Fellow scout 1: "#$%#$@...."

Fellow scout 2: "#$%#$@#$%*&@#$#%!!"

Fellow Scout 3: "@#$%^&*#$@%#^%$%&$#^%#@@@$!!!@#!!!!"

Fellow scout 4: "Thats wrong meh?"

"......................."

Despite this screw up, i was still entrusted with the task of colouring, the rest assuming iwas simply being my usual blur self. A further 15 mins later..

Fellow scout 1: "Haha, not bad, at least you colour the trees correctly this tim.... IMSER THE ROAD IS PINK!!!"

Fellow scout 1 then collapsed on the ground and started twitching uncontrollably, staring with vacant eyes at the offendingly pink road. Meanwhile, the other scouts started lighting torches and sharpening their penknives, shouting: "WHY THE #%$#% IS IT PINK?"

Me: "(shit shit shit) ermm.... cos im colour blind?"

Fellow scout 1: "IMMSEEERR YOU"

Fellow scout 2: "NEVER"

Fellow scout 3: "TELL EVERYON......"

Fellow scout 4: "hee heex =D Actually pink is quite cute wad!"

"..........................................................."

Some bomb ggxx.

(On a side note, the true story is that i preferred the colour pink, me being the unmasculine, feminine and UNmanly guy i am..... I hereby refute the spreading rumour that I am so manly. So much for cyism right?)

Incident 2:

December 2006

After a long hard day of AEP which ended at like 6 pm, I was mightily impressed with myself for painting what i thought was a startling lifelike painting of my hand as part of my Sec 4 art painting project.

Me: "Eh, not bad right.."

Fellow Art Student "Yar, damn nice, really looks like a hand."

Me: "hehe (self-satisfied smirk)"

Fellow Art Student "But whats the significance of the green skin ar?"

What followed next was several minutes of stunned silence as I gazed at the painting vacantly, before falling back into my chair and beaming merrily to myself.

"haha.. its green. hee hee hee. green! hahahaha greeennn!!!! No, i would not like green skin and hand, oh Sam-I-Am!!!"

After staring at me with a curious expression on his face, realization soon dawned upon my fellow art student and he patted me pityingly on the back before turning back to his own work, leaving me having a fierce theological argument with the ceiling on the advantages of green skin.

(note that i am not a fan of the hulk, him being so much more manly than unmanly me.)

Incident 3

12 April, 2007 (a.k.a last Thursday)

We had been told to do a colour study of some painted objects. This time the colours used were all primary colours, which i at the very least prided myself on being able to recognise. However, i was still slightly worried so i turned to px and asked:

Me: "Eh, that shadow is dark green right???"

Px: "er.....no? isn't it red?"

I give up.

I am now prepared to totally screw up the next few art projects, and deprove my ranking to like the bottom in the class. Then again, i wouldnt be ranting against sick evil and twisted colour just based on these few incidents. After bringing out my health book to find the certificate of colour blindness to pass to my chem teacer, I rediscovered a list, that came with the cert, of jobs i cannot or am greatly advised not to do.

Of course following Murhpy's law most of the jobs I am considering doing in the future are on that blasted list. Lets name a few shall we?

Artist =.="""
Architect :(
Electrical works :((((
Chemist :'(((((
Engineer T_T

And thats just to name a few. There are many other jobs (96 in all) that i should not do. Sigh... there goes my life long dream of being a butcher, coroner or meat inspector....

(possibly one after the other. hehehe.... )

Colour sux.

Ah well, cant change it, might as well live with it. Just dun approach me asking what colour the RJ shirts are, do that and I'll make sure yours turns red.

Just joking, a kind, weak and uncyism soul as myself wouldn't do that.

In other news, I played a bit of PS2 for the first time since the holidays. It was more of an impulse thing after finishing a large amount of video editing and wanted to relax abit. Laodi challenged my old but rusty hands to a few games of Crimson Skies (some fighter plane battle game), and i graciously accepted.

Minutes later the score was tending towards a linear asymptote but i shall be nice and not reveal who was on the receiving end.

Ah well, back to work. Hope all the people who keep asking me to blog are satisfied.

Toodles.

2007-04-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

Hello folks, super rushed for time these days so i have practically no time to blog. Ah well, ill keep this super short then, just took some Sex ID test over the net, which was considerable better then the one we took for GP, which told me that I am apparently as feminine as Audrey Hepburn and as manly as Clint Eastwood, and which had questions like:

"Talking about cars, "camber" refers to?"

"The colour ocher is most similiar to..."

=.="

I somehow can't imagine a young teen boy thinking to himself:

"Crap, I didn't know that camber refers to the angle at which tires intersect the road. "

"gg, I'm gay."

For some reason, i knew the answer to both questions, then again being from art i can pretty much go kick myself if i didn't know the second one. I thus hereby refute that I'm as feminine as Audrey Hepburn (whoever the hell that is), and as for being as manly as Clint Eastwood.. hehe.

Today I woke up from my bed of nails and proceeded to change up. After finishing my daily breakfast of gravel and steel bar pretzels (I twisted them myself), i gulped down a morning snack of iron nails and strolled downstairs to the nearest fence to tear off a piece of barb wire to floss my teeth, rinsing it all down with a healthy solution of toilet disinfectant.

What can I say, I'm a healthy man who loves his teeth.

Proceeding then to my manly computer (all hardware is manly) , I was surfing through a few blogs when i found some bbc manliness test. Bear in mind i had no doubts about the manliness of my manly persona, but was merely taking it for laughs. After all, every bell curve has to have its top.

Taking the test, i breezed through the questions, only pausing once to go down and chop down a few large trees for firewood, as it was a mere unmanly 30 degrees celcius that day. This took a little longer then expected as my axe (chainsaws are for sissies) was missing and i had to use my hands instead.

After tossing them up 10 floors. (They wouldnt fit in the lift), i jumped up after them and continued doing the test.

Soon, the test was finally done and i lazily awaited my results:

The scale below is an indication of where you fall in the male-female brain continuum. The results are based on the angles, spot the difference, 3D shapes and words tasks.

Bear in mind that your performance may be affected by many factors in addition to gender, like age and intelligence.

Your personal brain score: 0% (In the middle)

"Thunk"

A few hours later, i woke up from the floor in a cold sweat, only to look up at my com screen and realise that by zeus apollo and other such manly gods my results were real. Even worse was the fact that a masculine manly man as myself had fainted, like some weak sissy metro boy. Despair overtook me and I fell to the ground in a heap, weeping like the unmanly man i was..

(girlish) sigh...

I go off now to wax my thighs. Toodles.

2007-03-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

hey world, im back again. currently tio owned by lack of sleep, and am surviving now purely on the fact that red bull gives you wings. most of that time was spent on choreoing dance as well as finishing drawing that infernal map. Getting owned along with me is px, who has to man colour the map by tomorrow, minus da red bull. Some (wo)Man.

Along with mappinness, is the other bomb in my life, scouts. Had quite alot of fun choreoing the Sec 1 Dance, all the gl moves like front claw, awakening... Royce spent one day camping at my house as we did the song and another 2 hours camping in den doing the moves.

In between bouts of creativity we amused ourselves by going back to our primal roots and dancing around as if we were in an isolated room with no one watching (which was true). After making a mockery of children's television and shaking our *ahem* bods to the groovy music, we realised our thoughts of privacy and isolation were slightly exaggerated. Staring through the (opened door) were a couple of random folk who seemed to enojy watching us gallavanting around like teletubbies on drugs.

sigh.

Soon though we managed to choreo finish most of the dance and were merrily practicing it together, getting ready to teach the scouts. Choroeing it turned out to be less dificult the nexpected, with the exception of minor hiccups such as the total annihalation of our pride and manliness.

Teaching it was another matter. i hereby declare that Sec 1s follow Brownian motion. Some of them were flitting around, bouncing from wall to wall, occasionally colliding with each other before bouncing off again at hyper relativistic speeds, diffusing throughout the entire room nanoseconds after we had gathered them all in one place. But we managed to get through 4 moves at least, hurrah hurray, and they seem to be doing quite well.

In news at home, laodi is amusing himself watching wrestling videos that are more cheesy then a channel 8 drama.

"DIE!!"

"NO! YOU WILL DIE!! I PWNZZORS!!!!!"

"THAT IS STUPID! PREPARE TO BE TIO OWNED!!!"

and so on and so forth.

Wrestling in general reads more like a fairy tale then a sport itself.

Example one: Some guy burned down his entire house, burning his entire family to death. Now his severly scarred brother comes back for revenge against him, in..............

a caged wrestling match.

Sure.

Judge: "Oh Chin Yu.... You have committed homicide and arson, burning down your house, killing all your family members and severly scarring ur younger brother for life, thereby sentencing him to a life of misery and horror. How do u plead."

Daigor: "Guilty."

Judge: "I find this a heinous and despicable crime, you unfillial monster. It is a cruel, senseless act and you deserve nothing better then to be cast down into the deepest pits of hell, suffering for all eternity in the flaming hellfires of the fiery forge of torment. I hereby sentence you to..... "

Judge: "A NEVER BEFORE SEEN CAGED WRESTLING MATCH WITH LAODI ON SUNDAY NIGHT PRIMETIME!!!"

Laodi: "IMSERIMSERIMS..."

sigh.

Of course thats not the only case, there are a whole load of other examples. senseless feuds, flame matches, people dying, pigs flying..... etc etc.

kk, ohcy signing off.

toodles.

2007-03-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Hey people, wash away your sorrows for i have returned from my long absence from the blogosphere, to entertain you once again with the merry exploits of the Oh family. Been relatively busy this past week what with scouts, art and what not, thus explaining my long absence. Hmm, lets see, what happened over the week.

Art, scouts and sleep.

Kk, that about sums it up for now, lets turn to stuff other then my boring social life. Currently being spammed by people asking me to do their "test of friendship quiz" , think its time for me to make my own. Hehe.

OHCY'S TEST OF FRIENDSHIP

QUESTION 1

If ohcy were to call you during your free time asking for help with homework, how would you respond to his plea for salvation?

a) Ok.

b)"pssshhhhhh, csshh , I csshhhsh cant.. cshh csshh hear csh cshh you..arrrggghhhhh...pssshhhh...."

"Click. "

c) "COUGH COUGH... pttuii. heee..lll..llooo?? Yo-yoo...youuu need heel...help isit? i.. COUGH COUGH COUGH caann tryy *vomit* to endure the endless torment and pain im COUGH COUGH going through now, no problem, just so that i can fufill your COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH selfish desires to complete your homework. COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOU...oh, yousureyounoneedhelpliao? kkbyebye. "

"Click. "

d) "The system is not getting a response from the suscriber's mobile phone, please, try again later. Goodbye! "

"Click."

e)"Click."

"beep. beep. beep."

QUESTION 2

If ohcy were ever to die suddenly (touch laodi's head, just kidding laodi...), what would you be thinking to yourself at his funeral?

a)"XD"

b)"Here lies a good friend, and a good man..."

c)"I wonder where the 4D numbers on his coffin are..."

d)"I should have bought insurance..."

e)"I wonder if anyone will ever find out why i bought that insurance...hehehe"

Question 3

What is ohcy's favorite living breathing beast?

a) a wombat

b) an alasakan moose

c) daigor

d) our canteen food

Question 4

On what day does ohcy's birthday fall?

a)30th Januray 1990

b) 31st December 1990

c) 31st December 1900

d) A weekday or a weekend

Question 5

Do you consider yourself a close friend of ohcy?

a)yes!

b) define close.

c)define friend.

4)define ohcy

Kk, can't be bothered to go the whole nine yards and make 10 questions so this will have to do. Go do the quiz, if your answers are anything other than abab a/b, please venture no more unto this merry website. : )

kk, very sleepy, good night world. Oh yar, wanted to entertain you all wtih the merry exploits of the Oh family... no matter, that shall be a tale for another boring day. Tata. ohcy, signing off.

I like wombats.

2007-03-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone, this will probably be my shortest ever post since i don't really have that much time to blog. A few choice amusing things happened today.

Today morning i woke up to thunder lightning and rain. Grabbed a sweater and hobbled down mount braddell, getting my feet drenched in the process since the roads were flooded due to a clogged drainage system. That was particularly irritating. When u have to spend 15 mins climbing up a stupid mountain everyday the least you expect it to do is be less flooded then ground a 100 metres below it.

Tried to print stuff last night buy my printer decided to get drunk and started banding horizontal lines all over the place. When i woke up this morning it had a hangover and destroyed like 5 pieces of perfectly innocent A4 paper that got stuck inside its rollers. Luckily i asked my friend to print for me, but apparently in the morning after walking through torrential rain to find him he didn't have it. Thanks ar.

Later on during chem lecture i got a call: "Eh Chin Yang, I actually printed it, somehow its in my file now."

=.=" Maybe he and my printer went on a beer binge or something.

Lol, but if your reading this thanks alot, i shall have to buy a new printer soon i think. Chuck it out with Daigor's tamagotchi computer.

Chem lecture was particularly fun, spent most of it pretending to be awake. The rest of the day went by as normal, scouts -> class dinner -> tan huaning at home. Scouts was particularly amusing as we were having QM session. Trusting the junior scouts as mature, level headed individuals i left them with two hoses and a few tents before coming back awhile later.

Opening the door, i was greeted with a toilet that was as flooded as the #$%#@ gravity proof mount braddell and my second shower of the day. Merrily oblivious to my soggy presence in the midst of it all were a couple of my mature, level-headed scouts merrily soaking everything in sight. Meanwhile, the tent itself lay in the midst of the chaos, happily and perfectly dry.

Sigh.

Still, things got done and the act ended (more or less) on time, and we had some short funk dance training session before we left. Apparently the RAMli burger is capable of doing break, another one of life's little known facts.

Kk, signing off, i end of this blog post with an sms i got during dinner.

"From: +6590193523 (not real number

Hi, my new number is 90193523. thanks."

=.="

tata.

2007-03-18T12:29:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone once again, Here to give a short post on the up and coming events of today. My godsister, Deoon Heng is coming over, whom i know my laodi has a crush on. Ok fine, think he has a crush on. Suspect he has a crush on? Ok fine, I don't know the name of any other girl he knows so she will have to do. (Btw, my brother's names are Oh Chin Ying and Oh Chin Yu, all same initials. =.=")

Two weeks ago they were merrily playing the card game STRESS in the room when their family was visiting, when i went to join them and play with her also. Upon entering the room, Laodi started giving me a murderous stare but I assumed that was cos i stepped on his hand. Following that day, he kept looking at me and clenching his fists, and i have taken precautions never to venture into the kitchen with him. After that, during dinner my older brother dared venture to sit between both of them, again elicting further stares of hatred from laodi. (Or maybe he had some dust in his eye, who can tell)

Well once again, today their family is visiting and Laodi has been carrying around a ball of plasticine, occasionally mashing it into putty whenever i happen to stroll past him. Right now he is playing WWE on my PS2, doing various rubbish such as bludgeoning my created character with a giant hammer while grinning maniacally to himself.

Hmmm... I wonder what he's trying to tell me.

Laodi, this song's for you.

Sunday Mourning

Sunday morning Heng is coming

Kill some Brothers says Chin Ying

Yang is playing stress in moments unforgivable

Yu twists to fit the hole that lies between

But things just get so crazy ending life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit those toads with garden hoes if I knew

That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need

In darkness see a killing spree

Come and rest your bones with me

Dying slow on Sunday Mourning

And I never want to leave

For anyone who hasn't heard Sunday Morning by Maroon 5, please go listen, its an imba song.

In other news, I have just recovered from a long class outing + scouts. Class outing was super fun, stayover (truth or dare...hehe) + roller blading. Roller blading was super nice, my second time trying, every time i try it seems to get more fun. After the usual mishaps including falling, crashing and injuring my back, we went of to subway for lunch before i chionged off for scouts.

We had to do filming that day and due to class outing i was already late. chionging to Hiok's house, i was greeted by a frantic wenyu waving his hands like a cheerleader shouting "CHIN YANG STOP STOP STOP STOP" Thinking it was some prank (this was wenyu after all) I dashed on ahead to Hiok's main gate, straight into a length scene they were about to film finish.

10 mins later, i hobbled off to recover from my multiple fractures while they continued filming.

Ah well, my god sister approaches, I rush off now to hide the knives.

kk lar, i have no idea who laodi crushes. For some weird reason he refuses to tell me. Its like he thinks I will actually suan him about it. tsk tsk. Anyway, the only female aquaintance of him i mutually know is miss heng so laodi, until u divulge the truth to me, your/our poor godsister will recieve the brunt of my suanning.

P.S. (For any girls that might be seeking to chase laodi, i have no idea who he really likes, if he even likes anyone, so your welcome to try your luck)

tata, for now, may i live to blog another day.

2007-03-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

Greetings. I have been gone from the blogosphere for a grand total of 5 days, and today I make my grand return. Yay.

Now that your rapturous applause has ended, i shall go on with a brief description of what happened in the past 5 days.

Saturday

It was time for jobweek again, that once a year event where scouts go around the island badgering various people for jobs and contributions. As usual, every year we get a whole sackful of strange jobs, ranging from choosing 4D numbers, running to the roof and doing a cheer and chasing a cat away from a terrified auntie. In defense of the auntie she was a pretty small woman and it was a pretty big cat. A baby shere kahn sorta kitty. And it had a pretty terrifying mewl. I hereby confer upon myself a brave chicken award for volunteering to carry it away.

This year was different though, in that i didn't have to do jobweek any longer. had to bring the Sec 1s around instead. Deciding to save time by bringing them somewhere close instead of distant far off lands like Tampines and Yew Tee.. (ahem ahem), I brought them to my estate instead. After the arduous trek up Mount Braddell, we reached my block. giving them a brief run through on what to do, i sent them on their way, following closely behind.

Scene 1

Sec 1: "I am a scout from jobweek, we are having our jobwek, any jobs for me to do?"
Random Flatowner A: "no"
Sec 1: "then can you GIVE ME a donation!"

Me: "imser imser imser =.=""

After that, i told them to be more polite and say it in a nicer way.

Scene 2

Second Sec 1: "goodmorningiamascouthavingjobwweekdoyouhaveanyjobsformetodo "
Random Flatowner B: "har???"
Second Sec 1 "wouldyouliketomakeacontribution?"
Random Flatowner B: "har???????????????????? What toking you???"
Second Sec 1 "nevermindthankyou"

Me: "imser imser imser =.="""""""

Scene 3

Third Sec 1: "GOOD MORNING SIR! I am a SCOUT from RAFFLES INSTITUTION. We are currently having our ANNUAL FUND RAISING EVENT jobweek, do you have any JOBS for me to do? "
Random Flatowner C: "No"
Third Sec 1 "Perhaps I could sweep your floor, arrange your shoes or bring down newspaper?"

Me: "Wah, not bad not bad."

Random Flatowner C: "Sorry, no"
Third Sec 1 "Then in that case would you like to make a small contribution?"
Random Flatowner C: "Sorry, no"
Third Sec 1 "THANK YOU very much, have a NICE DAY!"

Me: "Imba, imba"

Third Sec 1 as he walks away: "F***!"
Random Flatowner C: "............"

Me: "IMSERIMSERIMSERIMS..."

At this point i started frothing at the mouth and spasming around on the floor.

ggxx.

After my fit ended, I gave them an extended extended lecture on how best to approach such situations. After that it generally went ok, and I went to follow around the slower Sec 1s. Upon ensuring they were doing ok, i decided to go down to my house and rest, not noticing the scout shoes inside. Stepping inside i threw my bag on the couch and grabbed a drink from the fridge, turning to meet the stunned expressions of my Sec 1.

Sec 1: "Eh, imser u just walk inside like this your own house."
Me: ".... =.=""

Finding the whole thing quite amusing, I decided to see how the others would react to the same situation. The next Sec 1 arrived 5 mins later, and i told him to come go in and try asking for a job. Repeating the whole sequence of walking in, doing random stuff like sitting on the couch and grabbing some snacks, i still elicted no response from the Sec 1. Going one step further, i propped my legs on the table, asked my mum to help me make one cup of milo and turned on the computer. Oblivious to all these, my Sec 1 continued working, accepted the money and left.

Imser.

Following him, I asked whether he noticed anything wierd.

Sec 1: "no wad..."
Me: "No meh? Did you know thats my house."
Sec 1: "Oh, no wonder. i was wondering why the woman seemed to know you"

Einstein, that one. I acted like a hooligan from some cheap Channel 8 drama series, asked my mum to prepare a drink, turned on the computer and basically acted like I lived in the house (which i did) and all he can notice is that my mum looked like she recognized me. =.=" haha, i seem to be doing that expression alot recently.

After a whole lot of other tom foolery and nonsense, we finally finished jobweek for that day. Calling my younger brother, i was disappointed to know he had not continued in the oh family tradition of owning jobweek and had a measly amount only. Ah well, there's always next year. Laodi, jiayou...

Went back to school to count money and debrief, before finally walking home to enojy a good night's sleep.

Sunday

Started out in the morning bringing the Sec 1s around as usual, though nothing much interesting happened. After that had to accompany my Sec 2 to some guy's house. he told us some night before that apparently some old boy had offered him 300 dollars to build a mini structure out of ropes for his kid in his HDB flat. Finding this to be a bit weird (Who gives a kid 300 bucks to build a playground for his kids in a HDB flat), we decided to send me along just in case the man was the Bishan 156 marn.

Upon reaching his house though, I found out many things.

1)It wasn't 300 dollars, it was 150 dollars. (haiz...)
2)He wasn't an old boy, apparently "A scout from Ireland" was misheard as "a scout from RI" (=.= Ahwell, i blame the accent)
3)He didnt live in a HDB flat. More like landed property. Or a mansion. Or an estate. Perharps a continent would be a better term.

To put things mathematically, HDB flat : his house = something very small : something very big

Reassured that he was wealthy enough to afford the pitance of a 150 dollars (his breath mints probably cost that much), we accepted the job and started sawing off the bamboo i nhis plantation to build the structure.

2 hours and alot of hard work later, we finally pocketed the 150 bucks and made our way back to school. At that moment since I was in the area, I called my friend and asked her whether she could return me my charger.

"I'm not at home now, but very nearby, come join us!"

After that I left his doorstep and made some long long trek. The sun was hot and i was getting dehydrated but after much huffing and puffing i finally made it to his front gate. From there it was but a short walk to where my friend was. Upon reaching, i went to find them and was greeted by a chorus of laughter at me in my scout uniform. I'll have you know its a dignified uniform, with a strong cultural heritage, long and meaningful history and a 150 bucks in its pockets. If nothing else respect the moolah at least.

"Eh, can pass me my charger?"

"Oh, I never bring here lei, I just asked you to join us."

For like the hundreth time... =.="""

haha, but that one was my fault lar, should have clarified first. After that proceeded on home to drop of my filthy scout uniform for cleaning first before going back to school. After climbing the peak and almost reaching my house, i started smsing my junior and fell into the drain, spraining my ankle. haiz... that had not been my day.

Nothing much else happened that night, went home, got an early rest, and prepared for the imba owning session that was SUTC.

Kk, thats all for now, too tired to blog about the 3 days of SUTC, and my post will prob end up too long anyway. tata for now.

Something interesting.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!

Colonel Sanders: "I missed one?"