Sometimes we try so hard to organize that perfect outing, that we forget how simple the best ones were. Spend all that time making sure every hour's special, when all we had to do was spend them with people who are. And in the end the moments that I'll hold most dear are not the ones that stand out the most - the dragon boating outings, the art exhibitions or the 5 star rated movies, but the ones that seem as plain as day. Searching for a school, waiting for a sunrise and sharing laughs over a dinner table, these were the moments that mattered, and the times I should have treasured most. A pity it took me a blueberry waffle, a dinner and a farewell to realise it, only now. A toast then, to the special people. Cheers.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Hello folks,
I have had it with all these weird emails from friends asking me to buy this or that product or try this or that slimming pill. I am so not that fat. So upon receiving yet another one of those mails yesterday when I was already in a rather annoyed mood at something else, I decided to craft a polite reply to the companies hacking my friend's email accounts and spamming my inbox with all this nonsense. The original mail and the reply I typed out went as follows.
Original mail:
Dear friend:
Welcome to our company Web www.baobiemaoy.com , Our major business are wholesale .We provided the electrical products with top quality: motorcycles /notebooks/phones/TV etc. Which come with world famous brands, such as Sony, Apple, HP, Dell. All of our items are Brand new and from the manufactures directly and they owns 1-3 years' international warranty time. Importantly, you can enjoy the free shipping for most of them. The total expanses just are the item values. You do not need to pay any more extras.
We are looking forward to hearing from you!
Thanks
email: baobiemaoy2@yahoo.com.cn
Jing Li
Reply:
Dear friend,
Thank you for writing your letter and welcoming me to your company. It is indeed a great honour of mine to have been accepted into the esteemed baobiemaoy corporation. However, one humbly questions how one was accepted when one never applied in the first place you scumbags. I also humbly remind your most esteemed highness that although the English standard of a 5 year old raised in the Ugalaweebahaha tribe in the heart of South Africa may be acceptable to certain individuals, namely the tribes people of the Ugalaweebahaha tribe, it is not to me. Your major business are not wholesale. It IS in wholesale. While I grant that it could be that you intended to write "Our major businesses are in wholesale", one considered that your most respected personage probably lacks the mental faculty needed to run a lemonade stall, let alone multiple businesses. I could go on to comment on the rotting chunk of tripe that constitutes your understanding of the English language, but I devotedly and lovingly doubt that you'd be able to understand it you moronic slab of concrete go find your manager, a cat, your pet rock or any other object with a higher level of intelligence than the one you apparently currently posses to explain it to you.
No insult intended of course.
Oh, but that is not to say that I do not wish to do business with you oh most venerated baobiemaoy. Nothing would delight me more. As soon as you show me your range of Sony, Apple, HP and Dell electrical motorcycles, I'll be happy to tell you which ones I want. If you have any unicorns, hobbits or Snuffalumps the Magical Rainbow Dinosaur in your catalog do tell me and I'll be sure to add them to my Apple Motorcycle orders.
I am looking forward to hearing from you! Don't worry, I can get my 3 year old nephew to translate for you.
Regards, Chin Yang
Alas in the end my good conscience, sense of compassion, and fear of being beat up and left in three pieces in some dark alley prevented me from actually sending it out to Mr Baobiemaoy. But I did show it to Royce Yap, telling him afterwards that it was only a joke, that obviously I did not actually send out the mail, polite though it was, and I was merely fooling around the computer because I was bored.
royce said:
i've sent it to baobiemaoy2@yahoo.com.cn
oh, and I cced you also.
Sigh. Well that's that then. Thanks Royce. I'm going to get run over by a Sony electical motorcycle tomorrow and it'll all be your fault.
Tata.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Hello folks, the oc s boys are probably making snow angels now as hell freezes over but yes, I'm actually blogging within three months of my previous post. Went for my medical checkup for DSTA yesterday with some trepidation. After all you don't go to work for a defense science organization without expecting them to at least make you half robot, though I guess veterinarian scholars would have it worse.
And so I made the early morning trip to Paragon where after 15 min of searching I ended up entering the wrong medical center. Despite repeated inquiries the only speck of advice the receptionist could give me was "Its next to metro.", which granted would have been wonderful advice if I'd actually known that metro was a shop and not a description of Adam Lambert. As tempting as running around Paragon looking for a guy in an overly tight pink shirt was though, my detective skills prevailed and I deduced that being in a shopping center Metro was in all likelihood a shop. Brilliance I know. And so I wandered around Paragon for another 15 min looking for that stupid shop before finally finding it in some obscure corner of the shopping center.
Went through some normal medical survey thing, before going for my height and weight test.
Sigh.
Following that while waiting for them to process my stuff I went off to use the loo so of course naturally the first thing that they asked me to do upon my return was a urine test. Following that (a long while later), they shoveled me off to see the doctor for a routine medical examination. Took off my shoes and got on the funny bed like thing when I realised, to put it delicately, that the window to my domain was half open. Demoralizing stuff. Shoving my immense mortification aside, I yanked my shirt down to cover myself and silently thanked my brother for his past prediliction for oversized shirts. And then it happened, the female doctor spoke the 4 words I'd never thought I'd regret hearing from a girl:
"Take off your shirt."
Wanting to get it over with quickly, I removed what seemed like a 50kg shirt and prayed that her eyes weren't half as open as my jeans as she prodded and tapped my stomach in what will probably be the closest I'll ever get to an erotic massage. Thankfully though, my zip was less then halfway down and i fixed it the moment her back was turned so I doubt she noticed anything.
After that I went for some chest X-Ray thing on the seventh floor where for the second time that day a girl in a lab coat asked me to take off my shirt, followed rapidly by "But only your shirt! Only your shirt." I suppose then that either I have the face of a drug addled rapist or word had trickled down from above and more things were noticed previously then I had believed. Somehow I prefer the former option.
Well that was pretty much the conclusion of the whole traumatic medical checkup experience so I made my way back to school to stone while waiting for ge to come over for some guitar hero action. Found the art room open and went in to find the J1s doing their UOB painting, reinforcing my belief that most art students are intrinsically emo. Did everything from sweep the floor, wash the sink and pace a trench around the art room and was contemplating chopping off my head and playing bowling with it when ge finally arrived and we trooped off to surmount the heights of Braddell. Despite all our plans to guitar hero the day away we ended up playing 4 guitar hero songs and spent the rest of the day singing karaoke party instead. I'm proud to announce that our account has now made the high scores for 3 songs, and 21st place in the world for the past year for 1, thanks mostly in part to her singing and my superior skills as her manager which mostly involved forced her to drink water, serving her liang teh and trying not to laugh during 3 straight minutes of falsetto. There is a new force to be reckoned with in Karaoke Party and its name is PSS. All in all a fun day.
Tata.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hello friends, yes I'm back for one of those increasingly sporadic updates on my personal life. Amazing I know. Well despite my long absence from the blogging scene it should be heartening to note that the most exciting change in my life recently may very well be my new superman wallpaper. Yes, my life is still more boring then yours. Army has had its ups and downs, usually in counts of twenty, and for the sake of making myself look cooler then I really am, I have to regretfully inform you that I am unable to divulge anything on my training under the OFFICIAL SECRETS ACT. Yes it's official and it's secret and it's an act. I am that cool.
Anyway if you're curious as to why I've roused from my blogging slumber, an unfortunate bout of illness has left me stranded at home with nothing to do but watch American Idol reruns on TV. And blog apparently. My weekends have pretty much been spent frolicking around town and teaching at Toa Payoh South CC on Saturdays, though I say teaching very loosely since I pretty much spend half the session being slave driven by two pri 2 girls into drawing every disney princess in existence. Yup, that'd totally inspire the respect and admiration of my army mates. On the bright side I can now recall the color of each princesses' hair and dress which is always a useful thing to know when you're colorblind and hang around lorry.
In other news I managed to catch Wolverine last week. It was fine enough entertainment I suppose with the requisite sob story and wow-that's-cool action scenes. I must admit however, that I never did get the whole appeal of Wolverine in the first place. I mean, if he's daigor's favorite superhero surely there has to be something wrong with him. The main gripe I have of course, is the whole notion that a metal laced skeleton is a good thing (Ge, yours doesn't count). By the time you're thirty you've either been struck by lightning more times than team rocket or have been rotting in airport customs hell for the last twenty years. And for all you testosterone overdosed jocks who think he has a cool catchphrase: "I'm the best at what I do, and what I do isn't very nice." Please, he sounds like a garbage collector. A highly efficient garbage collector granted, but a garbage collector nonetheless.
Sigh. It strikes me now that I'm spending a perfectly fine Saturday bashing a fictional comic book superhero. Oh to have fallen so far.
Kk, boredom only goes so far, farewell folks.
Tata.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Random bit of Advertising. Check out cool notebooks at:
BRAIN REMOVAL INCORPORATED
And here I include a quote from their website:
"This is Brain Removal Incorporated, where we surgically remove your brain (yes neurons, synapses and all) if you refuse to leave it at the door. Here, we believe everyone enjoys a better existence without their grey matter, and so we’re here to bring you that experience.
Clearly, simple badges and notebooks really aren’t enough to provide the full exhilarating sensation of a neuro operation but strangely ironically, brain removal is really all in the head. Sorta like a… mental exercise. All you have to do thus, is to grab a notebook, have some faith, chant the magic words and do the Brainless Dance and you’ll be in da hood.
Peace out."
#1: Numbing Namibian Notebooks
#2: Medieval Surgical Instrument Sketchbooks
#3: Life Direction Guidelines
If nothing else go look at the pretty site. I know what all you boys are thinking, why buy a brain removal kit when you can just let NS do it for you? But remember than as in all things in life there's nothing like getting a head start when you're emptying one. As for the girls why not get your special someone a belated valentines day gift. After all, nothing says I love you like telling the person you love deep deep you want to separate his brain from the general vicinity of his skull. So take the step, get a kit and clear your mind. You'll find in the end that despite all you've been told grey matter really doesnt.
Trust me, I'm a army boy.
Tata folks.
Monday, February 02, 2009
this is a story about bean sprouts. what colour they really are, chinyang will never know.once upon a time, when the art room was surrounded by lush greenery in cheap plastic pots in a distant dream the ancient ones called coursework, chinyang was given a plant that had a broken stem.
no one wanted the plant because it was well broken at the stem. and in plant land, that means its a gonner.
but no... chinyang used masking tape and some paper to prop it up. such that it healed and from that point onwards it became known as planty.
planty flourished, at a slower rate, but never the less, it grew and had a happy life.
until it died probably from lack of water and sunlight. and probably fresh non-toxic air also.
this is planty.
chinyang "i miss planty, what plant was planty?"
"green bean"
chinyang "ho-mer-ger. i'll never look at a green bean the same way again"
now let us enter the cool world of green beans. also called mung bean. now now, because it may be green/brown/yellow/orange to some colour misled individuals, lets not be mean by making them constantly reconsider their colour view of the plant. to be partial, we will stick with the more accurate name, mung bean.
mung bean at about one week old. about the stage where planty's stem broke
mung bean at about 2 + weeks old. about the stage where planty was (still alive) in the photo above
mung bean plant in later stage (where planty never made it to)
mung bean plant growing flowers
and producing more mung beans!to learn more about the fascinating world of mung beans, grow one today!
to find out more about the cultivation of mung bean as a crop, click on this link!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
but its ok. we all know you can't have everything/colour in life. (drawing by chinyang)
and his love for chem and artworks (chinyang's notes with bad handwriting)
and spend a long moment in solitude (biennale 08)
with friends who try their best not to oversleep. (well we tried)
so chinyang is a happy boy
with pretty friends (heh heh heh)
and a best non-sister friend
and scouty friends
and more scouty friends
happy hopeful and mysterious friends
and the most retarded friends of all, arty friends
who try their best to sing (k box 4 jan wah super ex.)
and have a natural talent to eat almost anything (half half?)
even when danger lurks around the corner (or in his bed in ny)
his friends will be there for him (ah we miss ben!)special thanks to my (Bald Enlisted Nocturnal) accomplice and chinyang and daigor
in memory of chinyang.
NS 9jan2009-
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Hi people. I'm going where the sun shines too much, I face the ground too often to care and pixels are the new black. The grass is greener on the other side, and so will everything else so no worries about any pseudo lorries questioning my colour sensibilities at least. I am officially downgrading from the Little Red Dot to its pimple tomorrow, so expect to see me in 2 weeks plus needing yun nam hair treatment and Loy's mythical SPF 130 sun lotion, a handy tool I'm sure if I'm ever in urgent need of something to deflect laser fire. Not exactly scintillating with excitement at present though I'm sure that'll come to pass the moment I shoot my first bullet, hopefully to a location nowhere near the general vicinity of my heart, kidney or spleen. A toast then to husband and wifles, green as the new black and a new appreciation for pop.
Tata people. A is for Airborne.
Man in Army
ArmaniCheerios, laodi.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Hi people, its been a while but coursework is finally over. Whee. I think. Prelims have come and gone without so much as a blip on our radars, and the dearth of mugging shall soon present itself in our prelim grades. Mugging the morning before the paper itself is not exactly the best way to guarantee a good result. To arters: Its been a strangely wonderful/tiring/tofuish month but the company made everything worthwhile. Thanks for all the help throughout the journey, love our class. For you sad folk out there who have no idea who all these weirdly wonderful people are, here's a brief introduction to Artedraffles, 0708. By no particular order except for the one in my art contact list:
1)Pix, also known as Vegetables Respect the Holidays, and the queen of OCD and still lifes. You know the saying 只要功夫深,铁棒磨成针。Well with her it applies to sharpening pencils. The person to go to if you want something done perfect, and don't mind reincarnating a few times before you get it. Also the owner of a death ray known as the PX stare. Ph34r and +r3mbl3.
2)Syaz, the lover of anything pink, pretty and well, pink, and master watercolour artist. Also has one of the most distinctive voices in the art room.
3)IAN, resident clay master, well schooled in the ninja arts of dodging every idea thrown at him, his face has suffered much for the sake of our amusement. Often has his hands in other people's pockets. No, I don't think he's looking for the money. Will sell his soul for two pieces of bread.
4)Lorry, saver of overturned plant pots and resident domestic worker of the art room. Constant provider of the ambrosia that is pad thai, cleaner of the sink, and many other things I can't remember. Thanks lorry, if I have accomplished much, it is by standing on the shoulders of gi... nevermind.
5)Qiong Ye, mysterious person who vanishes in and out of the art room from the shadowy abode known as RI boarding. Second other person who lives closer to the school then me. Envy.
6)Luo Chen, master of faces, often hidden behind a mask and yellow eye protectors. Has shortened all of our lives by ten years by acrylic dust poisoning. Also a chinese kungfu master at the fighting art of Nintendo Wii Boxing.
7)Hui Zhen, super fast worker, and probably the only person who'll ever believe a cardboard box is a 800 degrees C firing kiln. Also gets pranked by Mr Chia more often then the rest of the class put together, leaving the rest of us highly amused. Thanks.
8)Ben, the light warrior and defender of all that is anti chipmunk. Can be tortured by pounding chipmunk with a fist, though I do not advise it unless you want px to throw a chair at you. Also the only pacifist worms player I have ever known. Behind his harmless exterior lies a dangerous weapon. Just throw him into a room and scream the seven magic words to set him off, though to date only ge has been evil enough to do so.
9)Yong Feng, mysterious generous person of the art class, whose song is rarer then that of the Himalayan spotted Bandicoot which I strongly suspect does not exist. Secretly owns a chain of bakeries and has been dating weili for the past 7 years. Since weili is a figment of mine and ben's imagination I feel a bit sad for him but ah well true love knows no boundaries. One day we shall hear him sing.
10)Shuhan, a.k.a. "the bimbo but without the brains" as she termed herself. A watercolour master and resident Jay Chou fan who has provided endless entertainment with the breadth and lack of depth of her comments.
11) Yen Lin, Art Class Rep, graphic master and all round super pro art person. Master cake cutter along with lady shuhan, lover of lines and along with shuhan a source of great amusement to the art class with their endless quotable quotes.
12) Ge, also known as Elvis of Elvis and the Gogos. The person to contact if you ever need to paint a dustbin on the wall outside your house, to irritate the neigbourhood cat if nothing else. Never fails to brighten up the mood with her hysterical laughter, and happy go lucky ways. Can never be woken up once asleep which provides for many interesting opportunities if you have a marker and jigglypuff aspirations, though none of us have ever gone that far. To those who have, I salute you. Also the owner of the dirtiest Imagination I have ever seen. In a sense.
13)Berny, Queen of Print Kingdom, silkscreen master and our resident little emo ray of sunshine, an endless source of comments that by all rights should tear away every shred of optimism and hope from our sad and sorry souls but which never fail to amuse us anyway.
Dig and bit deeper and you'll find that beneath her angsty and emo shell lies a deep and passionate love for the art room floor above all else.
14)Queenie, painter extraordinaire, resident master of photoshop and a member of the print room club. Another super pro art person, though beneath her innocent and ladylike exterior lies dark cannibalistic urges revealed only under the stress of coursework and the prospect of not eating dinner for another 45 mins. Looks forward to meals more than any other person I know.
15)Joshua Tan, owner of Wabbit/Tofu/Mogu Mogu, and funny person whose jokes have amused us through many sova lessons. Resident nice guy, and the proud creator of a really cool coursework which I advise all of you to go see.
16)Ian (without the caps), storybook artist ( the book is damn cool ), and the respected teacher of Art Class 101: How not to destroy the print blanket when doing a print.
17)Smint, fellow digimon fan and another member of the print room club. Paints funny lego pieces that thankfully still have their heads stuck on, and provider of art class cookies of which I'm ashamed to say I consumed quite a few.
18)Jon, also known as 猪拿蛋马是米脸果为人,fellow vocal power house along with Ge, Art Class Rep and all round art pro. Enjoys talking to a large degree though I don't understand why when he can say everything through interpretive dance. Imitates voices, particularly one, like no one else can. Thanks for all the laughter, smses and song dance routines with ge.
19)Zixamama: Art class mamma (or is that lorraine?), and master namer of picture files. Lover of anything vintage and retro, will probably end up being one of those millionaire karang guni workers we've all heard about. Might also end up as a getai singer named purple mama though don't get your hopes up.
20)Mr Chia and Mrs Toh, the two most wonderful teacher's I've ever had, I would be really freaked out if they read this but really thanks alot.
And that about sums up the people I've been slogging through coursework with for the last year or so. Also a shout out to all the people who've aided us in our journey. Fried! Ivan! Bix! XX! Thanks for all the time you all spent helping us, particularly Ivan who isn't even part of our class but spent so much time helping us anyway, we would have foamed without you all.
Well then, this is probably my last proper post for a very long while again, and the non arters are probably very confused by all the inside references. Woops. To the arters out there, coursework is over at last, lets man together and recover our studies in time for A level. Think Adidas.
Cheerios.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
What bored people do during GP.
Presenting: Hey there Delilah - a parody.
HEY THERE MIKE TEAVEE
Hey, its Survivor,
let's continue watching TV,
I haven't left this filthy couch,
since the 1970s.
Oh wait I have.
But boy those bathroom breaks were fast,
I didn't bathe
Hey its The Bachelor,
watching this show makes me cry.
I have only had a single date,
since poor old momma died,
ten years ago...
And that date was with a ho,
she paid to go.
Oh, it's what you do to me.
Oh, it's watching you TV.
Oh, it's what you do to me.
Oh, reality TV.
Addicted to TV.
Hey look its idol,
I think Randy's really cute,
Paula Abdul is a sycophant,
and Ryan makes me puke.
I bet I'd win,
the moment Cowell hears me sing,
he'd be my queen.
I'm a Coach Potato,
that much I already know.
Though I didn't see back then,
how much those chips would make me grow.
My plain white Ts,
I no longer fit in as I please,
Can't see my knees.
Oh, its what you do to me.
Oh, french fries, burgers, Pepsi
Oh, my waistlines' sixty three,
weights' three hundred kg
Blame Mac delivery.
The TV box seems pretty far,
no idea where my remotes are,
I'd walk to it if my legs could stand the weight.
I give thanks for cable TV,
this is my true reality,
so what if I'm in a vegetative state
And buddy look, I promise you,
If you change channels before this show is through,
your face will never ever be the same,
oh what a shame.
Hey Mitsubishi,
Writing about that warranty,
you see my TV's broken down,
so I demand a high def LCD,
completely free.
Please send it quickly for you see,
The Amazing Race is on at three,
the withdrawal signs are killing me,
yours truly, T.
Oh, look what you did to me,
Oh, severe obesity
Eyesight's one thousand degrees.
Oh, I'm addicted can't you see,
to Reality TV.
ohcy
p.s. the dark knight is <3
